Sisters 40th birthday - what she's expecting, what I can afford!

jackie_w

Hi,


My sister is 40 next week and she has been dropping hints about how much she is expecting me to spend on her.
Money is tight at the moment, very tight, and she is aware of this, but I think she is going to be very disappointed with her gift.

I have bought her a really nice card, a bottle of her favourite wine (which cost me £15) and I was going to just put £10 in her card as she is very very fussy when it comes to gifts, and she wouldn't appreciate anything home made.

She has arranged a weekend away (spa weekend), with her friends and I couldn't go because I couldn't afford it, and she wasn't very happy with this (even though she knew I wasn't going because I couldn't afford it).

I feel bad not being able to give her more, and I guess I'm kind of looking for some advice as to how to handle her reaction not to mention my mums reaction too because she will pull me up for not spending a lot on her too.

Any advice?

neverdespairgirl

Tell your sister that it's the thought that counts, and you've bunged her £25 + the cost of the card.

I'd be outraged if one of my sisters or my mother criticised me for the amount I spent on a present in that way.

building_with_lego

She can like it or lump it! Your gift is thoughtful (you know her favourite wine) plus you're giving her money. If she's ungrateful and downright rude enough to stamp her feet about it she can have a card and a smile next year!

shirlgirl2004

I agree if at 40 years old she is still having tantrums over presents there's something wrong. Just out of interest how much did she hint that you should be spending?

Dunroamin

What sort of money is she expecting you to spend and what sort of hints has she been dropping?
Why would your mother take her side over this?

neverdespairgirl

The idea that you should be flinging money around as if it's going out of fashion for your sisters' birthdays is a weird one.

My birthday was a few weeks ago, and one of my sisters gave me a fantastic book about Jewish cooking and recipes world-wide, which I think cost about a tenner. I was really pleased - it's interesting, useful, and thoughtful. If she bought it for £1 second-hand, I'd be even more pleased that she'd saved the extra £9 on it!

My other sister gave me some of the lavender bath stuff she knows I like. Again, it's not expensive particularly, but it's a nice treat, and she's bought it knowing that I like it.

jackie_w

Thanks for your replies, she has been dropping hints along the lines of "oh I would love to try that new restaurant in town.....remember it's my birthday soon" and "I would love a bottle of that Chanel Noir perfume......remember my birthday" but I cannot afford those things.

Ive been good to her in the past when money wasn't so tight and I spent a lot of money on her and my niece at Christmas and she knows it was a lot of money is spent, but I doubt she will remember this when I give her her card etc.

I'm just really dreading it.

balletshoes

building_with_lego wrote: »

She can like it or lump it! Your gift is thoughtful (you know her favourite wine) plus you're giving her money. If she's ungrateful and downright rude enough to stamp her feet about it she can have a card and a smile next year!

she's 40, not 4!
Is she really still such a princess that she'd kick up a fuss about the amount you spend on her, especially knowing how skint you are?

My sisters would never do that - but if either of them did, there would be no more present buying full stop for birthdays afterwards - I'd consider it the perfect opportunity to cut out birthday pressie buying for adult siblings.

neverdespairgirl

Your sister is hte one fairly and squarely in the wrong, here. I'd never expect / hint that my sisters should shell out that kind of cash.

Edited to add - won't your Mum say something to your sister along the line of, "really, darling, it's incredibly rude and mercenary to consider birthday presents in that way, you should be ashamed of yourself"

jackie_w

Dunroamin wrote: »

What sort of money is she expecting you to spend and what sort of hints has she been dropping?
Why would your mother take her side over this?

My mum has been "reminding" me about it keeps asking me what I'm getting her because its her 40th and how much of a special birthday it is and how much she is spending on her!!

mrcow

Can I just go against the grain here (having sisters of your age etc). I would feel upset if my sister put a tenner in a card for my 40th.

It's almost like, I can't be bothered, so I didn't bother.

Can you really not think of anything a little more creative to spend the £10 on? Something that she can like and keep as a memory of a major birthday?