Sisters 40th birthday - what she's expecting, what I can afford!

thorsoak

Just tell her - sorry I can't take you to lunch at the expensive restaurant, but things are pretty tight at the moment - I'll take you there as an unbirthday present when things pick up ....and anyway - its not as if the bottle of wine has been opened ........"

jackie_w

I've already bought the wine pollypenny, but even if I was to spend £25 on a single gift it still wouldn't be enough and she definitely definitely wouldn't appreciate a magazine subscription.

pollypenny

Shame, she sounds like a spoilt madam.

Families, eh? :cool:

Dunroamin

jackie_w wrote: »

Well here I agree with you 100% BUT my sister keeps saying no and as my birthday is before hers, I always just give her money. It is very pointless, but she will not listen.

My husband and his siblings don't gift each other when its their birthdays because its pointless, but I think my sister wants to keep the birthday thing going because its just me and her!

But, if your sister's just fobbing you off with stuff like body lotion that she has and doesn't like, at the same time as expecting you to spend a lot of money on her, don't you think that's very one sided?

ska_lover

Sounds like your sister is very materialistic.

Shame some people think being rich is being surrounded by 'stuff' rather than the richness you get from the good wishes and thoughts of close family and friends.

IMO if it was me, I would get her nothing. As you are going to get moaned about if you do strech your budget to money in a card and a bottle of expensive wine (I think £15 is a lot!) - and you will equally get moaned about if you don't. I would honestly teach her a valuable lesson and not bother. FYI if my sister moaned about me not contacting her on her birthday whilst my child was in hospital, I doubt very much I would still be in contact with the selfish madam anyway..

jackie_w

Yes,dunroamin I don't understand her sometimes. Majority of the time she puts money in a card, but that time because I was 40 I think she thought putting Money in a card wasn't sufficient, and so that's why she gave me the body lotion.

burnoutbabe

have you told them you are broke?

if at xmas you gave her and her daughter very expensive gifts, then she probably thinks that asking for perfume (£50?) is not unreasonable level of present for a big birthday if you usually get her something of that price range.

if you have said you are broke since xmas, then she is very tactless.

jackie_w

burnoutbabe wrote: »

have you told them you are broke?

if at xmas you gave her and her daughter very expensive gifts, then she probably thinks that asking for perfume (£50?) is not unreasonable level of present for a big birthday if you usually get her something of that price range.

if you have said you are broke since xmas, then she is very tactless.

It wasn't Christmas just passed it was a few christmasses ago.

kerri_gt

Your sister does sound like she either doesn't or chooses not to understand or care about your financial situation. However, I also get that she's your sister and you do care about her and want to mark her b'day. Could you perhaps have a picnic in a nice park or something and spend some time together - chill the wine and pick up a few decadent nibbles she might like (with the tenner that was going in her card).

Bella73

To be honest your sister behaves this way because you let her...I am shocked at your post about you have to get her a certain wine if she comes over...actually no you don't have to get anything in special.

We always take drinks when we go to our friends for meals be it alcohol or soft drinks and usually dessert and they can't afford to do everything and let's face it they are having a dinner get together not being a homeless food shelter and neither are you.

Next time don't get anything special in for her..tell her to bring a bottle and if she doesn't then she gets what you are having be that water, coffee, squash, your level if wine whatever..keep doing it and she will either bring her own or have to have yours.

As for the birthday just give her the tenner and don't worry about it. If she says anything to you or within earshot simply say well you can give it back if you don't want it preferable in front of anyone else there so they all hear how ungrateful she is and then next year just give a card and if she complains remind her that last year she threw a strop so you didn't bother and won't be again.

I know it's her birthday but you've got to stand up for yourself otherwise she will never change.