Mean with money

mcjordi

i agree with the split the bills according how much you earn.. or put all earnings in to one pot and pay outta that.
any future mrs mcjordi is welcome to all my cash so long as i get my £30 for xbox live im happy

Mojisola

Putting everything into a household pot and transferring an equal amount into two personal accounts seems a good way to go. That puts both partners on an equal footing with personal money which can be spent without having to discuss it with the partner.

Threebabes

From moving in with my hubby 18 year ago we have pooled our money. I have been a SAHM for the last 7 year (Im looking for a job). We both get the same spends every month. When I eventually get back to work, mine will go in the pot, and halved as needed.

I would be running for the hills....

flutterby_lil

I must agree with the majority of people on here, he sounds like a selfish plonker who needs to grow up. You need to grow a pair (in the nicest poossible way) and put your foot down.

My ex was like this, not sharing money was his nicest !!!!!! qualities lol, his worst traits were the drug dealing, getting somebody pregnant behind my back, [EMAIL="sh@gg!ng"]sh@gg!ng[/EMAIL] somebody on the settee whilst I was in bed...etc etc.

My OH and father of my two children comes home and gives me money every week. He is never selfish and puts his money in the cupboard for me to use at my leisure. I am not sill ywith money and have all the bill/nursery dd's coming out of my account, he pays the moortgage and council tax but it works for us.

A fairer system is definitely required if you are to go the distance with him. It will get worse if you dont put your foot down.

Good luck.

podperson

I'm sorry but he doesn't sound like a particularly nice guy.

When he was on a low income as a student you helped to support him by contributing more to the household. Now that he is reaping the benefits of having achieved that qualification by moving onto a higher income the extra money is all his as 'he earned it' - obviously your support helped in no way!
He now sees that you're struggling for money but instead of offering to help you out in return he sits back and watches as you have to take on an additional job - and rather than providing any support for you having to work all hours now instead he moans that he doesn't see you and you aren't helping enough with the housework!
If that wasn't enough then when you spend your hard-earned money he wants you to justify every penny to him.

Please, explain to me how any part of that makes him a nice guy? Taking the most positive spin I possibly can on it then he's extremely thoughtless and self-centred. A relationship should be a partnership where you help and support each other - whether that be emotionally, physically or financially. It sounds like you're there for him but when it comes to the point where you need help in return he's only thinking about himself. I really think you need to sit down and talk to him about how you can make the finances more even - and if he's really not interested then I would think long and hard before having children and leaving yourself completely financially reliant on him.

jackyann

I do think that this happens more these days as couples drift together, and go through periods of one earning a bit more than the other, but still both contributing.
Our circumstances meant that we didn't live together properly until we married. So we had a big conversation about money, opened a joint account and have decided everything together ever since. I recommend couples now to make a time to have that big conversation; sounds like yours is coming up!

Joons

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Him not increasing his share of the outgoings when his income is so far in excess of yours is one thing. Him seeing you take on a second job to afford just to keep up with the basics and then going on to berate you for what you spend YOUR OWN money on is quite another.

A frank exchange of views is called for, and if that resolves nothing, I know what I'd be doing.

I agree with this, if he's such a nice guy why is he watching you struggle with two jobs and then criticising you for buying new jeans? Just because his family are tight doesn't mean he has to be, have a good honest chat with him, tell him what you have told us, if he can't see your point of view then you know where you stand.

StuC75

Its really a case of finding what works.

As a couple 50/50 is great in the early days, but with such a difference in earnings how this pans out in the long term could be critical.

some of his views may be tainted by his homelife - e.g. Homemaker mother - but you need to break that mould, and tell him thats not happening/carrying on..

Needs some form of clear the air talks as to what he would expect to happen in scenarios (all hypothetical but see where decisions are made \ balanced):

Downsizing where you live - rent somewhere cheaper where the 50/50 split of paying suits you better. Is he happier to pay more to live somewhere better? or do you prefer matching that to have somewhere nicer.. If you were to buy somewhere - would it be on what you can afford 50/50 or recognise the combined earnings (as thats what mortgage companies do! add together - not double the lowest!)..

Marriage & Kids - how would he provide for his family when your on maternity leave.. Cut in hours worked - but still the same costs and spending money needed. Childcare costs once you return to work - or does he view that as your responsibility..

Personally with my Ex, we had a joint account where pro-ratad earnings to cover the bills e.g. I earnt nearly double, so paid 66% of such costs. money left after was for each to do as wanted.. that way allowed her to have a extra personal money rather than being 'short' with a 50/50 split- so avoiding something demeaning like being seen to 'treat her to things'... after having a child I then increased to cover part of childcare costs as well..

With my new 'interest' (too early to say partner - and nowhere near that stage yet...), She earns quite a bit more than me, but I dont think I would be happy with anything other than a straight 50/50 split 'at best'.. e.g. wouldnt be happy or would feel odd at her paying more.. It still seems odd when we go out and she buys drinks in! so is that a stereotypical \ traditional view that I have??

victory

To let you work 2 jobs to be able to pay your way rather than help you out by upping his share seems cruel, does he not remember what you did for him when he was a student?

OurKev

notanewuser wrote: »

DH and I have been together for 12 years and have never put all of the money into one pot. However, we've always paid a proportion of the bills which fitted our respective incomes.

So when I brought home £2k a month and he brought home £4k a month, we split the bills 33:67. There is no fairer way to do it IMO.

If in the future you have a child/children and earn less/don't earn he should be paying more/all to support that.

At the moment he sounds like a selfish brat.

In my opinion, the fairest way would be to work towards both having the same amount left over after the bills are paid.