How to stop being misunderstood...

coolcait

victory wrote: »

I have words with DS, calm, this is maddening, madness, can't you see how this is ridiculous, get her round, etc etc and he goes all defensive all for his gf, all anyone can post what they like on facebook, all 'I'm not getting into this, just leave it' and he is in love, he is thinking with his ....:rotfl:

Re BiB. That doesn't sound like a drama-free zone on your side either.

My sympathies lie with your son in all of this. His response of "I'm not getting into this, just leave it" sounds much more mature than the BiB.

Yet, you denigrate him - your own son - by using that last phrase, about him thinking with his....

The post I have quoted is the only one where you have given us any indication of how you are dealing with these issues. Everything else is very vague about your part in all of this, and very detailed about the way you see your son's GF's behaviour. For example, what on earth was the word with two meanings (one of which you didn't know)?

Also, if you use a word without beign aware of all its meanings then of course there's a risk that you'll be misunderstood. Especially if there is a history of 'misunderstandings'.

There's an old 'joke' which runs along the lines of "My wife doesn't understand me". "No, she understands you all too well".

Maybe this is the 'MIL'/'DIL' equivalent?

Also, if you are the same victory who has had umpteen drama-ridden threads removed over the years, you are clearly oblivious to irony.

It might simply be the case that your son has subconsciously chosen a girl who reminds him of his mother - and has found out the hard way that that those two women in his life are just too similar to be able to get on with each other.

Or that his mother is a drama llama with an advanced technique in displacement.

MissKeith

I'm sorry but I've read this whole thread and it doesn't make a jot of sense. People are assuming this girl is a "drama llama" but we still don't know exactly what has been said. For all we know, the OP could have been completely insensitive and is now completely invalidating this girls feelings.

My mum has said some pretty hurtful things to me (eg when I had a boyfriend I didnt like she said I was "nothing but his prostitute") and then said I was over sensitive and a drama queen when it really hurt and upset me. Now I'm not suggesting that you said something quite as nasty but when you're so deliberately vague about your own words, it does make me wonder exactly what was said. Especially as you're doing your best to undermine her and paint her as a silly little girl and brushing over your own behaviour despite being asked about it multiple times.

Perhaps if you want to stop being misunderstood you should use correct grammar, stop using fragmented sentences and stop talking in code...

marisco_2

MissKeith wrote: »

I'm sorry but I've read this whole thread and it doesn't make a jot of sense. People are assuming this girl is a "drama llama" but we still don't know exactly what has been said. For all we know, the OP could have been completely insensitive and is now completely invalidating this girls feelings.

Many posters on here know the OP well enough to feel sure she would not be insensitive or go around invalidating someones feelings

victory

best way now...

cbrown372

If the gf was to read this thread what do you think she would call you? drama lama perhaps, same as you are thinking about her posts on FB

balletshoes

I think you need to grow a thicker skin where your DS gf and what she puts out on networking sites is concerned. treat her as you always have, and take her at face value ( ie what she says and does with you in real life). dont ask your son what she says/thinks. all of that is feeding the drama and so it will continue.

System

Havent you realized by now that teenagers have a language and meanings all of their own?

Safe to me means sheltered from harm. Safe to my son is a sort of respectful greeting amongst friends. He'd rather poke his own eyeballs out than give me or his Dad a 'Safe'.

There are other phrases that he uses that i dont understand but then again, he doesnt understand me either.

Yes its definately a generation thing.:(

Errata

Trying to get the gf into the family fold by including her in everything, always asking her out/in/to the get togethers, on hols etc etc is what I have done but I get the above as a reaction

Try excluding her, things can hardly get any worse.

olibrofiz

You have probably tried too hard Victory and it may be better, eventually, if you back off a little. She sounds very insecure and manipulative, and young You're an adult, you don't have to dance to her tune, or try to please her.

I've had a few moments of !!!!!!?? with DD's friends & (ex) bf and just shrugged it off, because I knew they were just attention seeking.

I wouldn't worry too much, in fact it will probably be better in the long run if you don't react to her dramas, and if someone reports something back to you just laugh it off, or say you don't want to hear.

thorsoak

Victory - you've been on the forum for long enough to know that there is a proportion of the population that thrives on drama!!

Unfortunately your DS has hooked up with one of them!