How to stop being misunderstood...

duchy

I do think you need to retire from the battlefield Victory !

If you aren't responding -she'll either move on to someone who does respond to her drama or escalate . Either way stop letting people draw you into her nonsense and stop dragging your son into a position he has to choose. If you ignore it he doesn't have to choose-only by continuing to listen to those who feed you what is said on FB are YOU putting him in that position.

She may be silly and immature but you have the maturity to let her get on with it......... so do so-and your son will either to tell her to put a sock in it sooner or later when he realizes she is always like this....or he'll dump her. Neither is your problem-He's a big boy now !!

justme111

To answer the headline question - stop:D talking

marisco_2

Good grief, do people of 18 or 19 years of age really behave so childishly. It is not like she is a young teen coping with the early stages of puberty, hormones and all the assocaited emotions of those. She is a young woman now. At that age I was living away from home having to make the effort to get on with people around me. If I had carried on so, I would have allienated myself from those around me and been viewed as being more than a bit odd.

It would appear that this youg woman lives her life going from one drama to another, revels in ill feeling and craves attention. Does anyone else misunderstand you on a regular basis and say they hate you etc or is it just her? You dont come across on here as being the kind of person that would stir up those kinds of reactions in people. With any luck your son will soon tire of such a drama llama and seek out a more normal girlfriend. You can but hope victory

Wicked_witch

Oh victory,I know just how you feel! My son, now 19, has been with his girlfriend aged 18 for over two years now and oh, the drama! Exaggerating how mean her mum is (she is actually pretty difficult, I am quite sure she has an undiagnosed mental illness), bursting onto floods of tears over the least little thing, just aargh! I hate drama, always have and will run a mile to avoid it, so having it dragged into the house was a nightmare.

She has grown up a lot now and realised that she doesn't get attention from us if she gets silly, but does if she is in genuine trouble or wants to chat like an adult, so it's a lot easier.

I find the main tensions now stem from her feeling that my son is 'hers' first and foremost, while we tend still to feel he's 'ours' (poor guy!). She gets annoyed if he doesn't skip chores to see her or otherwise go back on his word to us and we get annoyed if he does! We have been having to let go (he's our only child) of him more and accept that he will have to do what he wants and live with the consequences and so far things have actually improved.

Ed: marisco yes, children do seem to be more, well, childish these days! But I was a wife and mum at 19, so it's hard for me to understand that kind of behaviour anyway.

burnoutbabe

isn't it the law that most of us don't gell well with our mothers in law? even as adults. We may moan about them to our mates (though not on FB when the MIL can see it!!). My MIL thinks I don't like her. I just find her too "wanting a daughter". but I'm 40, i have a good relationship with my mum, i don't have any desire for another mum, i just treat her more like an aunt who you see at family events.

This_Year

burnoutbabe wrote: »

isn't it the law that most of us don't gell well with our mothers in law? even as adults.

I got on far better with my 2nd MIL than my mother. Sadly MIL died 2 years ago, she was a lovely lovely lady.

morocha

Just leave her to it. At 19 i met my OH's cousin and ohhh i came to know someone so full of it, full of drama, emotionally manipulative that i do feel mean but iam glad he is divorcing her now after 10 years of disrupting the whole family life. People like that usually does not change, if you are in her good books is alright but if you are not, they make your life a nightmare.

I adore my MIL, she is like my own mum so is not always a dil- mil drama.

Scrapaholic

DS met a girl like this when he was 20 . We made her welcome but through the years she never changed . Things that were said would be taken out of context . We had to be careful what we said all the time in case it was taken the wrong way . When they had a baby she didn't like that we said hello to the baby before them when they came to our home . DS told us we had to greet them first and then the baby as she didn't like it ! We even did it as he would have been in trouble if we'd not complied . Too many things to write down but I know what you mean OP. We got accused of doing so many wrong things over the years . She never grew out of it . She's 31 now and we spent 13 yrs walking on eggshells . We hardly see her now and we can be pleasant when we do . Have to be ,really, as we want to see our grandchildren. DS and her are divorced , which is sad, but he is a happier person now . Took him years to realise she'd never change . Some people never grow out of this kind of behaviour it's their nature to be like that . OP I hope your situation improves , maybe your son will tire of her behaviour before long .

ab.da54

victory wrote: »

pigpen the analogy is not the same as a person to person hate, I am sure your son does not like/dislikes carrots, hate is a completely massively powerful different emotion...

surely, it's only a completely massively powerful different emotion if you give it that power?

skintas_2

how does she get on with her own mother?? maybe shes just jealous of you and the realtionship you jave with your son sees you as a threat