Ex wants to take DS on holiday!

ViolaLass

DUTR wrote: »

Here as in where? My post or the thread?

Either. In whatever context you intended it.

Valli

pigpen wrote: »

I'd ring and ask what he was on about... and then probably say no if he is likely to behave as you suspect

This. Or get your partner to ring and 'clarify the garbled message' you got from your 6 yo;)

Spendless

Is it possible that ex has no intention of taking son on holiday and doesn't want to, but has told him about his holiday or son has found out about it and ex has turned it into saying 'your mum hasn't got spoken to me about it' as his get-out so you can be blamed for not taking him away? That's the sort of thing my mates ex would try and pull off with their children.

Just seems a bit odd that ex knows you have no communication, but somehow you are meant to know that there's now a one-week deadline to sorting it out with him.

Even if you do talk, the holiday may not be at a time when your child can go eg it might be in term-time when either you don't wish to take son out of school or school may not authorise time off.

I'd go for now with saying what Duchy and pigpen have suggested 'Your Dad hasn't mentioned any holiday, so I've been unable to talk to him about it' and then just leave it.

DUTR

ViolaLass wrote: »

Either. In whatever context you intended it.

Well the question is ambiguos, let me know which context you are reffering to and I will gladly answer .

duchy

Spendless wrote: »

Is it possible that ex has no intention of taking son on holiday and doesn't want to, but has told him about his holiday or son has found out about it and ex has turned it into saying 'your mum hasn't got spoken to me about it' as his get-out so you can be blamed for not taking him away? That's the sort of thing my mates ex would try and pull off with their children.

Just seems a bit odd that ex knows you have no communication, but somehow you are meant to know that there's now a one-week deadline to sorting it out with him.

Even if you do talk, the holiday may not be at a time when your child can go eg it might be in term-time when either you don't wish to take son out of school or school may not authorise time off.

I'd go for now with saying what Duchy and pigpen have suggested 'Your Dad hasn't mentioned any holiday, so I've been unable to talk to him about it' and then just leave it.

This was my take ..... that maybe someone else like the girlfriend has mentioned the holiday and son has assumed he's included or they've humoured him -with no intention of seeing it through .....As it's a new relationship Dad may not want to say to new girlfriend that he doesn't want to take the lad....if she's assuming he would want to and blamed Mum as a convinient way out ? In all honesty I wouldn't want to take a child on holiday with a partner of a few weeks anyway I'd want to be sure it was a relationship definitely going somewhere first.

LannieDuck

When you say he was violent, are there any restrictions in place for child safety reasons? If not, do you have any reason to believe he would be violent towards your son? If yes to either of those, then I agree you should respond with a resounding 'no'.

If not... I'm inclined to think you should treat the request reasonably. Send a message to ex through whatever the agreed route is (your OH?), saying that son has mentioned a holiday, it's the first you've heard of it, and could he please send you further details.

If ex is serious about it, i would also be inclined to say that you want to meet his gf before you agree to son going away on holiday with her.

Mojisola

masonsmum wrote: »

DS came home from his dads last night and stated "My dad says you need to hurry up and make a decision about me going on holiday with him he wants to book it this week" I was utterly gobsmacked, there has been no mention of this to me? No phone call or text and this is the first Ive heard, so Im not aware of venue, dates, anything??

LannieDuck wrote: »

Send a message to ex through whatever the agreed route is (your OH?), saying that son has mentioned a holiday, it's the first you've heard of it, and could he please send you further details.

I wouldn't be pro-active and send a message. Check messages, texts, emails, etc, to make sure you haven't missed something from him about the holiday. If not, the ball's in his court.

You can honestly tell your son that his Dad hasn't mentioned the holiday to you.

If his Dad wanted him on holiday, he would have sorted this out ages ago. Does your son have a passport? Would you need to ask the school for time off? These things take time to arrange.

ViolaLass

DUTR wrote: »

Well the question is ambiguos, let me know which context you are reffering to and I will gladly answer .

I give in. You're the one who first brought up the 5th commandment in post 47. I don't/didn't see the relevance.

ab.da54

rainbow_791 wrote: »

From the highlighted part alone, no way would I let him take my son on holiday

Yet the son is fine to go to his father's and no harm is done to him.

Surely, by using the violent ex partner words in the opening post, this will cloud many a judgement of people on here.

If there was any risk to the son, the father wouldn't be having visitation, would he?

duchy

I can think of all kinds of reasons why it might be OK for someone to have a child for the day but a week might not be suitable. In this instance I'd be asking what the sleeping arrangements were as I don't think a young child would do well seeing Daddy in bed with a woman he barely knows in the same room so I'd want to know the child had a seperate room. I'd also want to know how well he knows the other adults apart from Dad who will be there and if he's comfortable around them. Does the hotel have age specific activities so other kids to play with -that kind of stuff before blithely saying -Oh they share genes so naturally the holiday will be successful regardless of the fact they never spend more than 8 hours together usually.

Of course daring to want to know such things would automatically get me labelled as a man hater (by some) ....... but do you know what -I don't care-a child's welfare comes first !