Ex wants to take DS on holiday!

DUTR

Joons wrote: »

That's as bad as saying `you made your bed`.....

...comment about as useful as the proverbial tea pot (shakes head).

How's about adding something constructive to the thread?
Does the OP allow the child to go on holiday or not? that is the question.

pigpen

I'd say.. 'sorry son, I don't know anything about any holidays your dad is planning. Next time you go could you ask him to give me some more details so I know what he is talking about please? We will then be able to talk about it'

Or I'd ring and ask what he was on about... and then probably say no if he is likely to behave as you suspect

DUTR

duchy wrote: »

How bloody patronising of you !! Not got a very high opinion of Mothers in general -do you !!

I don't think I know any PWC who say no without good reason - be it the child is too young to be away for a week, Dad has a history of regarding a holiday as time to get drunk, child is very fair skinned and Dad is rubbish at remembering to apply sunscreen - all kinds of reasons but if you ask the NRP they will claim the "reason" is spite or not wanting the child to have contact ..............two sides, two perspectives. The story I told earlier about the boy in Florida- the Mum hadn't wanted the child to go but the Dad got a court order ....obviously some judge felt the father's "entitlement" outweighed the best interests of the child considering the Father's previous history <shrug>

My opinion of Mum's is higher than yours of blokes!


Edit, I have just read the post I was responding to, and not sure why you assume I was patronising you, I think it's a good thing that you didn't automatically say no, I'm not really sure why you have gone off on one?

duchy

DUTR wrote: »

My opinion of Mum's is higher than yours of blokes!


Edit, I have just read the post I was responding to, and not sure why you assume I was patronising you, I think it's a good thing that you didn't automatically say no, I'm not really sure why you have gone off on one?

If you still genuinely don't understand how patronising you sounded then it probably explains a lot !

Unlike you I take the view that a good parent is a good parent regardless of gender- YOU however took my post to read that I was referring to ALL Fathers - your comprehension skills could do with improving. Nowhere did I say "all "blokes" (as you call them) . I quoted specific examples - oh yes and also quoted an example of a man who acted correctly and decently.....but I guess you skipped that bit as it didn't fit your preconceptions. Sheeesh !

DUTR

duchy wrote: »

If you still genuinely don't understand how patronising you sounded then it probably explains a lot !

Unlike you I take the view that a good parent is a good parent regardless of gender- YOU however took my post to read that I was referring to ALL Fathers - your comprehension skills could do with improving. Nowhere did I say "all "blokes" (as you call them) . I quoted specific examples - oh yes and also quoted an example of a man who acted correctly and decently.....but I guess you skipped that bit as it didn't fit your preconceptions. Sheeesh !

Ok, so you are bright and I'm thick, so please help me understand why YOU feel it was patronising?

Obviously I go through a lot of threads , and to be honest, the general consensus is that the bloke is just a juice doner and put money on the table, other than that they serve little purpose?

Your post didn't strike me that you were not that kind of person and was more balanced than a lot of the posts saying, NO NO NO and no never!

So between the lines of my original reply to you , it was a compliment to you your character not a critism.
At least the OP's ex has offered to take the DC on a holiday, I wouldn't be offering and having to ask the other parent's permission and authority, just as I wouldn't wish for them to seek mine.

FBaby

Why not try to find out a bit more about it before saying no without objective reasons (on the basis that you do trust him enough to look after him every other week-ends)? Maybe your OH could meet with him and ask the right question, and maybe even better meet his girlfriend?

At least if you say no afterwards, it shows that you've tried.

Dogger69

My impression is that both parties use the child as a stick to beat the other one with. They both need to grow up and start communicating directly (or through an agreed adult), not via the child.

valk_scot

I wouldn't have let my OH take our six year old son on a pool holiday without me. Not because he was a bad man or a bad father but because he was utterly incompetant when it came to child care, there's a reason our kids could all make themselves a basic lunch by the time they were five! My OH is the original absent minded academic and could easily forget he had a child with him, let alone keep an eye on one in a pool. He admits this btw, we're all still together as a family but I'm the common sense parent here.

I'd not let my child go off on holiday with an adult I'd never met either come to think of it.

I would suggest a face to face chat with Ex and GF if possible, to judge exactly what was going on. I'm not at all against the non residential parent taking their child on holiday but as that same child's other parent, I wouldn't be letting the child go if I wasn't confident he'd be looked after properly.

elisebutt65

Well, from previous threads, the ex hasn't been granted time in the holidays, just weekends, so it's moot anyway.

pigpen

elisebutt65 wrote: »

Well, from previous threads, the ex hasn't been granted time in the holidays, just weekends, so it's moot anyway.

No it isn't. You don't have to stick to the absolute letter of a contact order if the child will benefit from a holiday you can allow extra time the same as if something important comes up the parents can sort out another mutually agreeable time... or normal ones can anyway, mine couldn't they were useless.