Ex wants to take DS on holiday!

DUTR

masonsmum wrote: »

Being someone's father doesnt automatically make them a responsible person! There are loads of people in my family/friends who I would let care for my son for a whole week, its just unfortunate that his father is not one of them?

It doesn't make the PWC a responsible person either.
reading the original posting, I can see why the NRP has chanelled his desire via their child, all the Mum can do is either say yes or no.
Some couples that split do not want to enter dialogue with the other party. If in this case the NRP is controlling etc, then why is he having to ask permission to take their child on a well deserved holiday?
Anyways if the OP answers NO, then perhaps there maybe a little more drama that will quickly fade.
If the OP answers yes, then a little less drama.
I'm not so sure it is all cut and dry, hope they can all resolve it though.

duchy

pimento wrote: »

Their children rather than her child.

Where did I say "her child" ?

Fatherhood isn't a magic cloak that makes the !!!!less sensible. There are good parents and bad parents of both genders.

I've told this story on MSE before however it bears retelling.
I used to work for an insurance company repatriating policyholders who had misfortunes on holiday. The saddest case I ever dealt with was a six year old whose NRP father took him to Florida to Disney. Dad was a supposedly reformed alcoholic however on their first night went on a bender and ended up getting sectioned. The father refused to sign a release form for the child to be flown home with an escort so the child was stuck in Florida until the mother could be flown out to bring him home. Luckilly they were travelling with a UK package holiday operator who arranged for a rep to stay with the child in the hotel room until Mum got there ( no trips out due to liability issues) . Had Thomson not arranged this the child would have been put in the care of Florida Child Services until Mum arrived.

So in my book not EVERY father has the "right" to take a child on holiday .....the needs and safety of the child take priority.

iammumtoone

hello

I feel for you. You ex sounds just like mine he was abusive to me but not to our son and I have spoken to a solicitor about this and because he was not abusive to our son only me (even though our son witnessed this abuse) I cannot stop any access rights due to this. Is his father on the birth certificate? If he is then he automatically has parental rights. I think your best best is to say no and just hope that he agrees with this decision.

I really do feel for you and hope it turns out ok . I am dreading the day my ex turns round and says he wants to take son on holiday I will be a wreck but there is not much I will be able to do about it.

Good luck to you, sending hugs.

masonsmum

Yes he is on the birth certificate as we were married at the time (divorced now) we had a bitter court hearing as ex wanted access when it suited him to work round his social life and work but luckily for me he was laughed out of court with his suggestion to give me a weeks notice to when it suited him to get DS!

RAS

Tell DS that daddy has not spoken to you at all about a holiday, so you cannot comment on it to him or daddy. Then ignore.

DUTR

RAS wrote: »

Tell DS that daddy has not spoken to you at all about a holiday, so you cannot comment on it to him or daddy. Then ignore.

Let's hope Mummy is going to take the lad on holiday.

iammumtoone

Does he want to take him on holiday during the time he has him? If he does then I am afraid he is allowed to take him where he pleases in his time. If he wants him extra time to allow for this then you may have some grounds to say no, I am not sure but it would be worth looking into. Have you heard of Gingerbread? They have a helpline you can call I have spoken to them on a few occasions and they are very helpful (they are for single parents but you don't need to mention you have a partner).

If your ex is anything like mine he might be saying this just to get at you, my son has mentioned a few times his dad will be taking him on holiday but I am not expecting it to happen (his father wouldn't want him for that long he would not be able to cope for a start - he brings him back to me if he starts playing up or being a bit awkward) So maybe get advise from gingerbread so you know what the law is then just forget it and see if your ex mentions anything.

duchy

DUTR wrote: »

It doesn't make the PWC a responsible person either.
reading the original posting, I can see why the NRP has chanelled his desire via their child, all the Mum can do is either say yes or no.
Some couples that split do not want to enter dialogue with the other party. If in this case the NRP is controlling etc, then why is he having to ask permission to take their child on a well deserved holiday?
Anyways if the OP answers NO, then perhaps there maybe a little more drama that will quickly fade.
If the OP answers yes, then a little less drama.
I'm not so sure it is all cut and dry, hope they can all resolve it though.

Umm because she is the person the child lives with perhaps ?

I had a good relationship with my ex husband -when he wanted to take our son away he had the commonsense and good manners to ask me if he could and if I felt the destination was suitable. Every time ! I knew what committments he had-hospital appointments, special events coming up at school ,important parties etc even when school holidays were (he didn't) so common sense to ask me.

In fact the first time he explained he wanted to take his new girlfriend too- I said I had no problem in principle BUT as I hadn't met the new girlfriend I'd prefer to meet her first before sending our son off for a week with her. My ex had NO problem with this -and we all spent a pleasent day together and the following weekend we ALL went to the travel agent as they felt as an ex travel agent I'd pick the best holiday (the travel agency staff were VERY confused lol).

Had I not felt she was responsible enough or if my son didn't seem comfortable enough with her I'd have suggested they started with a shorter break than a week and built up to a full week and my ex would have respected my view.... even if he didn't like it. (we did discuss this option before I met her)

mummyroysof3

DUTR wrote: »

Let's hope Mummy is going to take the lad on holiday.

Why? A child doesn't have to have a holiday do they?

Shelldean

i had this issue just once, with my ex he asked to take DD on holiday. She was aged a similar age to your son.
He did actually ask me tho, but didn't like my straight no.
I said no simply as i knew he'd be propping up the bar every night and probably most of the day too. And at the age she was then she wasnt old enough to be on her own, amuse her self etc. Had she been an older teen I might've considered.

It caused a hell of a row, I must admit. The funniest part beingex snarling at me, you let HIM take her. Him being my partner, ex couldn't get it into his head that my partner took me, our sons and my DD on hol. I wasn't letting him take her, he was taking the whole family.
I did get several weeks peace from ex tho as he refused to speak to me for being petty LOL shame it didn't last!!!