My partner is always in a bad mood with me so sad

duckeggblue

He's abusing you.
I left an abusive relationship, I was walking on eggshells all the time, went to bed feeling sick, woke up feeling sick. He would keep on picking on me-I was walking too fast, or too slow, I was dizzy, silly, untidy, forgetful, jealous, people didnt like me, other people said things about me, I couldn't make friends, my own family didnt like me.. And on .. Sound familiar OP? Sometimes I was so ill after he'd start an argument, I nearly crashed the car I couldn't concentrate .he was a weak nasty bully, he kept telling me it was me-my fault-it's brainwashing really, like torture.

duckeggblue

minnie123 wrote: »

Well he has still been moody on and off every day I just feel down and cant deal with it tbh I dont know what to do.

I am finding things hard to deal with at the moment even thinking about it is a stuggle.

My love, his controlling behaviour is wearing you down-I have been there. Sometimes it almost felt like flu-I just felt exhausted, I then would be told " your always ill" , It was a vicious circle, every time I tried to get up- he'd knock me down- emotionally-it's dangerous for your health. I got free counselling from womens aid, he's trying to stop you mixing with others because if you tell others how he treats you, you might leave him..

Bangton

minnie123 wrote: »

Well he has still been moody on and off every day I just feel down and cant deal with it tbh I dont know what to do.

I am finding things hard to deal with at the moment even thinking about it is a stuggle.

What about when he is 'off' being moody taking him aside and talking to him. Do you think he knows he makes you feel the way you do? How long has this actually gone on for? Weeks? Months? Years?

I really don't mean to be harsh and I know stress but no one ever got anywhere burying their head in the sand. At least if you talk him the worse thing you can get is things remaining the same (in which case you decide if that's how you want life to be). But you could get the outcome you need to make you both happy. Just don't go in guns blazing and cross. Why not just say 'our situation is worrying me and making me sad'. Then it's not placing the blame solely with him from the word go.

There's a hundred questions I could ask not knowing either of you or what the best outcome would be for you but I guess in the main I'd be asking when this moodiness started? how is he when he's up? Do you spend time together? Do you ever laugh together? Do you feel loved by him? Do you think he is abusive? Does HE make you anxious or is it the rows that make you anxious?

And ... what did you hope the response would be in posting? Did you want people to say he sounds awful and back you up perhaps so you can feel you can let go of him without guilt?

Or did you want people to say 'bad times happen, work through it?'

I'm struggling to gage from the posts you've thanked, the posts you've replied to and the things you have said exactly where your head and indeed heart are with this man. Then again, maybe that's exactly how you feel..completely and utterly lost.

Would you be willing to try Relate or counselling? Not even as a couple, just yourself having someone none judgemental to talk to. On another thread a lady visited Samaritans after a relationship issue and found them helpful and supportive. It's not for everyone but perhaps with the lack of support around you it's worth a go.

I went to counselling last year for 4 sessions as my work provide this to those who need it. It was a mix of issues for me but it was so helpful, I often think back to the advise I was given when I'm having a moment

duckeggblue

What happens when you try to talk to him about your feelings?
Does he listen and acknowledge them, or minimise?

FBaby

minnie123 wrote: »

Well he has still been moody on and off every day I just feel down and cant deal with it tbh I dont know what to do.

I am finding things hard to deal with at the moment even thinking about it is a stuggle.

So what are you going to do about it? Wait for him to become the person you say he isn't (or isn't any longer) by some miracle? Or try to communicate with him and understand how you two got where you are now? Or decide that there is no point in trying to sort things out and accept he won't change and therefore take things by the horns and plan your life without him?

In the end, however tough it is, you can't keep on burying your head in the sand. Some actions are going to be required to make things better. What makes you feel miserable in not the way he behaves, it is the fact that you are doing nothing about it.

marmitepotato

My ex was just like yours Minnie123. After 16 years of physical and mental abuse I walked out in the clothes I stood up in. It's was a very small price to pay for my well being, my sanity, my happiness. It was the best thing I ever did.

BugglyB

j.e.j. wrote: »

Just a bit of a reality-check here, but.. do people go out clubbing and getting drunk when they're older and married with a child and settled down? Maybe they do. My parents didn't, my sister doesn't, my friends don't..

I associate that sort of thing with late teenage years, maybe early twenties. I used to find 'old' clubbers really sad :rotfl:

Depends what you do I guess. We are 30s and nearly married and don't really go 'clubbing' as such, as in go to a club for the sake of it. If we go to a club its to see a specific band or DJ. Often DJ sets run til 6am. I'll do that with my partner or without him if he doesnt want to go. People of all ages go, if you like the music, thats what its all about.

Joons you say

You're lucky that you don't even let him know and he has no problem with that and has to call you, I think that's a bit off personally.

Thats not what I said, I said if I forget to call. He takes that as the more reasonable option of 'I bet she forgot' rather than 'she must be off with some other bloke', or 'she must be in a ditch'.

I dont drink much when not out with my partner, if its 6.30 and I need a cab I like to be sober!

You also say

why would you not go home to your own house and bed?

Oh a million reasons. Might go home with a friend and walk back next morning :money:. Might go to an after party. Might go to the park and watch the sunrise. Dont like getting in cabs on my own. Anyway you're right, I count myself lucky he sees himself as my partner and not my keeper.

FBaby

Anyway you're right, I count myself lucky he sees himself as my partner and not my keeper

Again, it's not about what is right or wrong, but what matters for both partners. I personally consider that being a partner is caring enough to insure partner is safe and making sure one's actions don't worry the other.

BugglyB

FBaby wrote: »

Again, it's not about what is right or wrong, but what matters for both partners. I personally consider that being a partner is caring enough to insure partner is safe and making sure one's actions don't worry the other.

As I said I understand worry. Just not anger. Not 'how dare you stay out so late'. Not, 'I'd be furious if my partner stayed out that late'.

j.e.j.

Could be male pride. He might not want to admit he was worried.