My partner is always in a bad mood with me so sad

FBaby

justme111 wrote: »

people, she said already - SHE CAN NOT TALK TO HIM. She finds it difficult even walk past him by what she describes.
why you suggesting again and again and again for them "to talk"

Because if you reach that stage of not being able to talk to your partner as soon as there is an issue of conflict, they might as well pack their bag immediately.

Can vs don't want to can often get muddled up hence still being there waiting for a miracle.

dannidoes

j.e.j. wrote: »

It's certainly not sad to go out and have a good time! But I associate clubbing and binge-drinking with much younger people, - people who don't have other responsibilities yet.

clubbing doesnt mean binge drinking and plenty of people with responsibilities enjoy a night out

Tish_P

The OP said in post #7 that her partner hadn't tried to phone her while she was out, and also that he told her afterwards that the reason he didn't phone her was that he was deliberately leaving it to see how long she would stay out. So whatever other excuses we want to make for his behaviour, we know he wasn't worried for her safety, or he would just have rung her up to check.

Many people would be cross with a partner for going out on a 4am binge, even once in a while, but all the stuff about pacing and raging and fear and "I'll deal with you later" (shudder) are SUCH bright red flags. There are bad things happening here and if you ask me the OP should get either to a counsellor or out the door quick smart.
Good luck OP.

PS - when a partner says "I'll deal with you later" it ought always to be a promise, not a threat, and accompanied by some suggestive eye contact!

j.e.j.

dannidoes wrote: »

clubbing doesnt mean binge drinking and plenty of people with responsibilities enjoy a night out

it does for a lot of people

but yes, of course people with responsibilities can enjoy a night out.
The trouble is, for a lot of people a 'night out' means getting drunk. It's UK culture, unfortunately.

hulltiger1969

tayforth wrote: »

Massive hugs.

Do you have anyone you can talk to? What about finances etc?

This sounds horribly like my situation - my thread is on here if you want to read it. I can post a link.

I'm ending it with my OH tomorrow, but it's taken me a while to get there. You don't have to take this.

All I can say is read [URL="file://\\tayforths"]\\tayforths[/URL] thread just above this one, may take a while :rotfl:

It should get you thinking...........
Hugs to you

justme111

There you again. If she feels she CAN NOT talk then she can not . Listening to people telling you "have to" does mot change it. Can you jump 9 meters high ? No , you can not . So i guess you might be annoyed with people who looking at you crying that you can not get over the fence will tell you "just jump". Beside, Op said her husband DOES NOT want to talk. Have you thought before posting "jist talk " comments on how one can talk to someone who does not want to ? Have you seen many husbands,specially abusive ones , who's wives are rightly or wrongly unhappy with them wanting to talk ? Have you ever heard about any of such "talk" to be anything but one more row ? Really , you seem to reside on another planet.
Alternatives - endless options. Anything that could change op and make your see the situation different. Taking zumba o martial art classes. Become a member of cycling club. Taking on reading. Visiting relatives for 3 months. Taking on another job. Having an affair. Asking her friend to have an affair with her husband. Starting open uni. And so on and so on.

justme111

Getting a private detective surveillance on her husband and find he has an affair already . By the way when one of the couple starts grinding another down it is often a sign of it ..

Bangton

justme111 wrote: »

There you again. If she feels she CAN NOT talk then she can not . Listening to people telling you "have to" does mot change it. Can you jump 9 meters high ? No , you can not . So i guess you might be annoyed with people who looking at you crying that you can not get over the fence will tell you "just jump". Beside, Op said her husband DOES NOT want to talk. Have you thought before posting "jist talk " comments on how one can talk to someone who does not want to ? Have you seen many husbands,specially abusive ones , who's wives are rightly or wrongly unhappy with them wanting to talk ? Have you ever heard about any of such "talk" to be anything but one more row ? Really , you seem to reside on another planet.
Alternatives - endless options. Anything that could change op and make your see the situation different. Taking zumba o martial art classes. Become a member of cycling club. Taking on reading. Visiting relatives for 3 months. Taking on another job. Having an affair. Asking her friend to have an affair with her husband. Starting open uni. And so on and so on.

It's such a simple thing but time and again people don't do it because it 'could cause a row' or they don't know what to say. Anyone is capable of talking in my opinion unless you were with a truly abusive person where rows could turn into much much worse. In which case there's no hope and I'd go.

Yes you could do all of that suggested by you and no doubt that would create some happiness and healthiness in your life but the reality is how is all that going to happen when currently it appears her partner needs prior notice before he looks after their son.

We 'live on this other planet' because actually communication is what drives any relationship whether it's with a partner, mum, dad, friend. But sometimes it's the way you communicate..for some reason with partner's we think it's acceptable to be a bit of an ar** because they are the closest thing to us so rather than calmly discussing things we place blame and that's a lot of the reason rows escalate.

I've done it with my partner. No I won't just talk about the relationship, instead I'll slam the door, walk in with the face on..get your back up, we'll row and I'll blame you at the end of it and be furious and upset to boot.

Just talk or leave..2 choices in my opinion

BugglyB

FBaby wrote: »

:rotfl:
Who knows, it's all about compromises and people change! I know for a fact that if my partner and I had met in our 20s, we would have hated each other!!!

Thats interesting isn't it. For us we started going out at 19, and living together in our early twenties through university. So in many ways I dont think our relationship would have survived if either of us 'had to be home by x', because we both are very adventurous and love to party with or without each other.

By party I dont mean binge drink, I mean, go to parties, clubs, gigs, holidays etc. We are lucky - I know when my partner says 'I dont want to go but happy for you to' he means it. Otherwise he would say 'dont go out tonight, stay in with me' in which case I would.

tayforth

When the OP says that her partner won't talk to her, please believe her. Mine was the same. The slightest little thing can escalate into a screaming match.