My partner is always in a bad mood with me so sad

paulineb_2

justme111 wrote: »

All that stuff I listed is something that could change her view of things. So relationship would change as well , either for better or saying bye. Do not look into reasons why she can not fo that stuff , everything can be sorted. Friends who could look after the child while she goes somewhere , books , cycling with a child etc etc. Who wants does , who does not looks for reasons why not. Of coursr communication is vital. But the fact is there is none. Do its either splitting it improving oneself hoping one will become capable of dealing with it and sorting it.

Sorry, but I think having an affair was a ridiculous suggestion and asking someone to have an affair with him. You are involving other people if you do that.

I dont see that going to Zumba a few times a week would change an unhappy relationship. It might improve your self esteem, you might make new friends at the class but as I said before, you are still going home to that toxic environment and unless that changes your life wont. And really if someone is so unhappy that they are withdrawing into themselves, Im not so sure that they would have the confidence right now to start getting out and about and socialising.

I appreciate that you are saying something needs to change in her life so that she becomes stronger and has the capacity to deal with the issues or becomes strong enough to leave, but I dont think exercise is the answer.

It might be something on the list of things to do at some point if she doesnt already but priority for me would be getting to some kind of counselling where you can talk through your feelings with someone who is professionally trained and isnt involved.

Someone who can actually help you make sense of the situation you are in and allow you to get to a place where you feel strong enough to confront whats going on. Or leave.

Building up your social life in the middle of all this might just mean the two of them see less of one another leading to more arguments about where she is going.

And that isnt right, but I think professional help comes before building a life outwith the situation. Ive been through stuff in my life where Ive been so stressed and anxious that going to an exercise class was the last thing Id have been able to do.

And given that I teach classes now, Im doing ok, but it took me time to get over stuff I was going through before I got the confidence up to get back to the things I liked doing.

Theres nothing wrong with having an active social life, theres nothing wrong with having an exercise routine. But that isnt a sticking plaster for stuff going wrong within the home, nor an escape route, because if you dont deal with the fundamental stuff, everything else is just going through the motions.

paulineb_2

tayforth wrote: »

No posts from the OP in 2 days. I'm a bit worried.

I think to be fair everyone will post at different times, some people will revisit their thread every wee while, others might post now and then.

psocial

Do what makes him feel good rather then making him angry every time. Go out for dinner and make him surprise by what he was excepting from you...

justme111

tayforth wrote: »

No posts from the OP in 2 days. I'm a bit worried.

I would not be worried , my guess is she does not come back because she has nothing new to say and nothing good to report and she is doing nothing about it .

justme111

Sure , counselling is an obvious option as well. Of course affair been suggested tongue in cheek , just to reply to people who say there are no other options but talking. There are , how comfortable is one with each of those options is another issue.
I would not put any more hope into someone profession.al "to show the way" than into exercise or socialising or job building etc. It worked for you , Pauline , other stuff worked for others and I am somewhat wary about counselling becoming a lifestyle for some people who see the answer to all and sundry in it and go for years and years. Sure could be helpful , I personally would go only if nothing else worked (apart from affair haha. )

marisco_2

justme111 wrote: »

There you again. If she feels she CAN NOT talk then she can not.

Have you thought before posting "jist talk " comments on how one can talk to someone who does not want to ? Have you seen many husbands,specially abusive ones , who's wives are rightly or wrongly unhappy with them wanting to talk ? Have you ever heard about any of such "talk" to be anything but one more row ? Really , you seem to reside on another planet.

Alternatives - endless options. Anything that could change op and make your see the situation different. Taking zumba o martial art classes. Become a member of cycling club. Taking on reading. Visiting relatives for 3 months. Taking on another job. Having an affair. Asking her friend to have an affair with her husband. Starting open uni. And so on and so on.

:shocked:

If a couple gets to the stage in their relationship where communication has completely broken down, then it is in serious trouble. In healthy relationships there is a wish on both sides to be open and honest with each other and to want to talk through any problems or issues that arise. It is the basis for showing love, respect and interest in each other.

I am shocked that you think having an affair, or suggesting that someone should ask a friend to have an affair with their husband, is an alternative option to talking. Having an affair solves nothing it just adds lies, deceit and betrayal to the original mess and causes horrendous upset.

If there are problems in a relationship work at them, if after trying everything it is still not working, then consider counselling or make the painfull decision to end it. Bringing a third party into the equation solves nothing and is a horrendous way to treat a partner.

justme111

marisco wrote: »

:shocked:

If a couple gets to the stage in their relationship where communication has completely broken down, then it is in serious trouble. In healthy relationships there is a wish on both sides to be open and honest with each other and to want to talk through any problems or issues that arise. It is the basis for showing love, respect and interest in each other.

I am shocked that you think having an affair, or suggesting that someone should ask a friend to have an affair with their husband, is an alternative option to talking. Having an affair solves nothing it just adds lies, deceit and betrayal to the original mess and causes horrendous upset.

If there are problems in a relationship work at them, if after trying everything it is still not working, then consider counselling or make the painfull decision to end it. Bringing a third party into the equation solves nothing and is a horrendous way to treat a partner.

I was not suggesting anything. I just listed things that would change the situation as people were saying apart from talk nothing would so I given exmples of thingd that would.

FBaby

justme111 wrote: »

I was not suggesting anything. I just listed things that would change the situation as people were saying apart from talk nothing would so I given exmples of thingd that would.

I think the intention was to look at what would make the relationship better not worse

Even when counselling is the route taken, the advice will inevitably that they need to learn to communicate better. It's not just couple, it's any relationship, and communicate is of course not just verbal.

justme111

Of course. Counselling may teach her how to . No use to tell one she needs to do something if she does not know how to. Better or worse - I guess it would depend at what moments one would be assessing her wellbeing haha. Mind , it coyld gappen that an affair would make her realise how good her husband is (as often we take things for granted) and realise she wants to be with him and change relationship dynamic in a positive way .

paulineb_2

justme111 wrote: »

Sure , counselling is an obvious option as well. Of course affair been suggested tongue in cheek , just to reply to people who say there are no other options but talking. There are , how comfortable is one with each of those options is another issue.
I would not put any more hope into someone profession.al "to show the way" than into exercise or socialising or job building etc. It worked for you , Pauline , other stuff worked for others and I am somewhat wary about counselling becoming a lifestyle for some people who see the answer to all and sundry in it and go for years and years. Sure could be helpful , I personally would go only if nothing else worked (apart from affair haha. )

I didnt actually say what worked for me. Ive had counselling very few times in my life.

But as I said I do know what its like to be suffering from anxiety to the point where you can barely function, going to Zumba would have been the last thing on my mind in those days.

Im a firm believer in whatever gets you through.

Also I dont think the OP has said what the background to all this is. I am assuming that things havent always been as bad as they are right now.