My partner is always in a bad mood with me so sad

System

Your man is a bully. The only way you can deal with a bully is by standing up to him.

If you cant, get out.

I have to say though if i was still out at 4am on a night out with the girls my husband wouldnt be very pleased either... he'd be worried!

Blackpool_Saver

tayforth wrote: »

When the OP says that her partner won't talk to her, please believe her. Mine was the same. The slightest little thing can escalate into a screaming match.

That's a control method, I lived with a man like that. Never again

paulineb_2

justme111 wrote: »

There you again. If she feels she CAN NOT talk then she can not . Listening to people telling you "have to" does mot change it. Can you jump 9 meters high ? No , you can not . So i guess you might be annoyed with people who looking at you crying that you can not get over the fence will tell you "just jump". Beside, Op said her husband DOES NOT want to talk. Have you thought before posting "jist talk " comments on how one can talk to someone who does not want to ? Have you seen many husbands,specially abusive ones , who's wives are rightly or wrongly unhappy with them wanting to talk ? Have you ever heard about any of such "talk" to be anything but one more row ? Really , you seem to reside on another planet.
Alternatives - endless options. Anything that could change op and make your see the situation different. Taking zumba o martial art classes. Become a member of cycling club. Taking on reading. Visiting relatives for 3 months. Taking on another job. Having an affair. Asking her friend to have an affair with her husband. Starting open uni. And so on and so on.

They arent married btw. What if she doesnt have any relatives to visit?

Having an affair? Seriously, you would recommend someone have an affair rather than try and resolve the issues? And what if she did meet someone else and her partner found out and all hell breaks loose.

They have a child together. I dont live on another planet by the way but for a child growing up in this kind of environment, its toxic and kids pick up on tension.

And this thread is now pages long and not once have I seen the OP say that shes going to do anything to try and resolve this situation.

And if she doesnt want to talk TO him, she could go and get some counselling and talk about the situation shes living in.
Ive experience of domestic abuse. I grew up with it, I know just how hard it is to live in an environment with an emotionally (and physically) abusive person.

And the bottom line is, even if she goes and gets counselling and then works through her feelings to the point where she thinks the relationship cant be saved and she wants him to leave or she wants to leave she is going to have to have a conversation with him at some point.

Even if its to say, this is over, its finished, Im leaving or I want you to leave. So at some point they are going to have a conversation, because the alternative is suffering in silence for another 12 years plus.

And I am absolutely of the opinion that if she wants to go and exercise, make new friends, build up her self esteem, fine, but I think until she gets the underlying issues sorted, her relationship and what to do, she could go to exercise classes 5 nights a week, but she would still be coming home to someone who is angry with her, wont speak to her. And you might have that hour or two away from home where its just you time, but you'll still be coming home to a miserable situation.

So unless they talk at some point even if its to end the relationship, its just going to continue on and on.

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

They arent married btw. What if she doesnt have any relatives to visit?

Having an affair? Seriously, you would recommend someone have an affair rather than try and resolve the issues? And what if she did meet someone else and her partner found out and all hell breaks loose.

They have a child together. I dont live on another planet by the way but for a child growing up in this kind of environment, its toxic and kids pick up on tension.

And this thread is now pages long and not once have I seen the OP say that shes going to do anything to try and resolve this situation.

And if she doesnt want to talk TO him, she could go and get some counselling and talk about the situation shes living in.
Ive experience of domestic abuse. I grew up with it, I know just how hard it is to live in an environment with an emotionally (and physically) abusive person.

And the bottom line is, even if she goes and gets counselling and then works through her feelings to the point where she thinks the relationship cant be saved and she wants him to leave or she wants to leave she is going to have to have a conversation with him at some point.

Even if its to say, this is over, its finished, Im leaving or I want you to leave. So at some point they are going to have a conversation, because the alternative is suffering in silence for another 12 years plus.

And I am absolutely of the opinion that if she wants to go and exercise, make new friends, build up her self esteem, fine, but I think until she gets the underlying issues sorted, her relationship and what to do, she could go to exercise classes 5 nights a week, but she would still be coming home to someone who is angry with her, wont speak to her. And you might have that hour or two away from home where its just you time, but you'll still be coming home to a miserable situation.

So unless they talk at some point even if its to end the relationship, its just going to continue on and on.

This is the point I got to. I was so intimidated by my ex that I could never bring up anything, because I knew that he would turn it around so that it was my fault, or dismiss me, or call me names, or whatever. So I withdrew. I made every excuse not to spend time with him. But when it came down to it, I still had to live with him. And I was so, so lonely.

When I finally got the courage to post here, and you lot in turn gave me the courage to go to the Samaritans, I made the connection between the two. I was withdrawing not because I was a bad wife, or depressed, but because I couldn't take it any more and I was literally shutting down to protect myself.

I totally recommend the Samaritans, they are lovely. They were lifeline to me when I felt desperate. I have now ended my marriage and I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from me. I'm not saying that you should do what I did, but you would definitely benefit from talking to someone.

FBaby

BugglyB wrote: »

Thats interesting isn't it. For us we started going out at 19, and living together in our early twenties through university. So in many ways I dont think our relationship would have survived if either of us 'had to be home by x', because we both are very adventurous and love to party with or without each other.

By party I dont mean binge drink, I mean, go to parties, clubs, gigs, holidays etc. We are lucky - I know when my partner says 'I dont want to go but happy for you to' he means it. Otherwise he would say 'dont go out tonight, stay in with me' in which case I would.

My partner and I do many things separately. He goes out with the boys every Thursday evenings and goes on a boy only skiing holiday every year. I am taking my kids abroad without him next month, no problem. The issue is about communication. If we are to be out for longer than expected then it is common courtesy to contact each other to let them know. The ' I was too busy to realise the time' when we are talking middle of the night doesn't wash with me because my thoughts, no matter how much fun I was having would be with my partner, concerned that he could be upset or worried. It happened the first year we met at said ski trip, he got very drunk very quickly and didn't text me that evening. The first thing he did when he woke up was to call me and apologise profusably. It has not happened again since.

FBaby

No relationship can be healthy without communication. There might be ups and downs, communicating is not easy at all, but if nobody is willing to try to communicate better, then there is no point to continuing the relationship at all. Unfortunately, many remain in such relationships because they are not prepared to give up the things that are not so bad in the relationship.

Wickedkitten

FBaby wrote: »

My partner and I do many things separately. He goes out with the boys every Thursday evenings and goes on a boy only skiing holiday every year. I am taking my kids abroad without him next month, no problem. The issue is about communication. If we are to be out for longer than expected then it is common courtesy to contact each other to let them know. The ' I was too busy to realise the time' when we are talking middle of the night doesn't wash with me because my thoughts, no matter how much fun I was having would be with my partner, concerned that he could be upset or worried. It happened the first year we met at said ski trip, he got very drunk very quickly and didn't text me that evening. The first thing he did when he woke up was to call me and apologise profusably. It has not happened again since.

Absolutely, mind if I am going to be late anywhere I usually phone.

My OH absolutely loathes clubbing so i don't have that problem but when he got his first motorcycle, he went on a rideout with his mates, came back way later than he said he was going to and didn't get why I was upset until I pointed out that I had just spent hours thinking he was dead on the side of the road because I couldn't get through to his mobile.

Now if he is going to be late, then he phones and gives a heads up.

justme111

All that stuff I listed is something that could change her view of things. So relationship would change as well , either for better or saying bye. Do not look into reasons why she can not fo that stuff , everything can be sorted. Friends who could look after the child while she goes somewhere , books , cycling with a child etc etc. Who wants does , who does not looks for reasons why not. Of coursr communication is vital. But the fact is there is none. Do its either splitting it improving oneself hoping one will become capable of dealing with it and sorting it.

tayforth

No posts from the OP in 2 days. I'm a bit worried.

justme111

FBaby wrote: »

No relationship can be healthy without communication. There might be ups and downs, communicating is not easy at all, but if nobody is willing to try to communicate better, then there is no point to continuing the relationship at all. Unfortunately, many remain in such relationships because they are not prepared to give up the things that are not so bad in the relationship.

Who said they are wrong and you are right.