Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

January20

teawithmilk wrote: »

Yes to all of the above!!

He knows I can take SOME leave off though as I did say that I wasnt just going to have him doing all the childcare over the summer. I want to spend time with DD and have a bit of a summer myself! the odd day trip and lazy day off.

But it just puts the onus on me now to have to say no. Which Im angry about...DD will be upset and he shouldnt have even put me in that position to start with.

You can say NO. And just NO. You don't have to explain yourself to him.

DD will be upset. So what? She's 11? 12? Old enough to understand if you tell her why. She also has to learn that she can't have everything she wants in life. Sometimes we're upset, sometimes we're happy.

teawithmilk wrote: »

I could carry on as I was before in a bit of a state of limbo...Or I could just pick myself up yet again, and get over this rejection, and move on....which I'm going to do I'm sure. Ive dealt with way worse.

I just need a few days to lick my wounds, have a few more long walks, listen to some loud music and feel sorry for myself... Everyone around me is too busy and quite rightly so. My counsellor is going to be earning her money this afternoon, poor woman!

Sometimes, it's better to be alone to lick your wounds.

teawithmilk wrote: »

Any motivational stuff would be very helpful if anyone has any ideas. I'll be over this in a day or two Im sure. I dont have time to sit still and mope about. Ive learnt a few lessons yet again.

I'm quite surprised at the depth of your hurt over a man you barely knew for more than a few months. I'm not going to try and guess why but perhaps you should think about it?
I agree with the previous poster who said you should try and join groups like meet-up. Meeting men through online dating is only to put you in emotional situations where you either suffer from being rejected, or feel guilty for rejecting somebody, seeing more than one person at a time, etc.

I don't think you have recovered from your marriage, bringing us back to the lack of wisdom of going on holidays with him!

Mojisola

teawithmilk wrote: »

He knows I can take SOME leave off though as I did say that I wasnt just going to have him doing all the childcare over the summer. I want to spend time with DD and have a bit of a summer myself! the odd day trip and lazy day off.

Your time off work - your choice about how you spend it. Absolutely no need to fit in with his schemes!

But it just puts the onus on me now to have to say no. Which Im angry about...DD will be upset and he shouldnt have even put me in that position to start with.

And don't you think that's part of his plan? He was in the wrong the moment he talked about it with your daughter before talking with you!

Your daughter might be upset for a short time but she will come to recognise his controlling patterns.

RAS

twm

The other reason I think you should avoid holidays with ex; your daughter may want to play happy familis but it is in her best interests that she fully understand that mum and dad both love her but that they are not a couple.

It is best not to give her false hopes.

Errata

Any motivational stuff would be very helpful if anyone has any ideas.

Understand and accept there are more idiots using online dating sites than not. Get out and meet people instead of looking at dots on a screen with pictures that are ten years old. Hook yourself up with real life groups that are interesting, not designed for 'romance'. In other words, live your life for yourself without waiting for Prince Charming to appear to make it complete.

teawithmilk

Thanks for the sensible advice..I will think this afternoon how to word the reply back to him.

Mojisola

teawithmilk wrote: »

I thought she had just got the wrong end of the stick until I got a text from him about half an hour ago saying that he would like to take her away but she wasnt keen on going without me and would I like to come along (Im paraphrasing what he said as it was quite a long text)

teawithmilk wrote: »

Thanks for the sensible advice..I will think this afternoon how to word the reply back to him.

Keep it very short and don't try to justify refusing.

"Would you like to come along?" - "No, thanks. Just so DD doesn't get upset, in future please talk to me before mentioning potential joint things to her."

BigAunty

teawithmilk wrote: »

the whole message was upbeat and quite chatty and im just floored by it. I just dont know what to think.

he ended it by saying "let me know as i will have to get booking something one way or another"

.

He never came across as the most insightful, empathic or sharing type of person from the way you have described him in your posts. There was a constant undercurrent of passive-aggression and non-cooperation, plus total denial and lack of willingness to accept responsibility for relationship, child rearing and financial issues.

He always seemed to know how to press your buttons and make you feel anxious and guilt ridden.

So what's new with his chipper request that you should play happy families and where he has made his daughter buy into this myth?

Simply text back and wish him well on his hols but that you do not intend to go on a family holiday with him again and are baffled why he thinks you would. Speak to your daughter first in a sensitive way to manage her false expectations that he's implanted.

You can probably expect a sour response back based on his previous low level of maturity.

thorsoak

You do know why he suggests that you go on holiday with him and DD, don't you TWM? He's a lazy guy and if YOU go along, YOU would do all the organising/driving/entertaining DD!

He's not stupid........and neither are you! A simple "sorry - no can do, have already had our holiday, and in any case, have to pay a big bill on the car so can't afford it!" will do. xxx

jobbingmusician

Nooooo! If you don't give reasons, you don't give him anything to argue about! (I wouldn't be able to say no, I'd have to say 'for a number of reasons', but I like to hope I could then refuse to discuss those reasons.)

BigAunty

jobbingmusician wrote: »

Nooooo! If you don't give reasons, you don't give him anything to argue about! (I wouldn't be able to say no, I'd have to say 'for a number of reasons', but I like to hope I could then refuse to discuss those reasons.)

Actually, that's a good point. He has a habit of pushing back and making TWM justify herself so a simple 'Thanks for the offer but I won't be taking it up - enjoy your hols' might be best, followed by ignoring any petty responses to it.