Separated, how much should I provide?

justme111

I would not think it is that bad as yet , its been just about 6 months of it I believe.

springdreams

Unfortunately experienced solicitors who have specialised in their field do cost a fair wack.

In my experience £200 - £250 per hour is quite cheap for a solicitor. The London ones charge around £500 - £550 per hour.

It might be worth asking the solicitors if they would be prepared to cap their fees. Possibly they could if they have a junior do all the day to day stuff under the supervision of a senior, more experienced solicitor.

Also ask if they would be prepared to take their fees out of the sale of the house.

Ballabriggs

Jack,

I know I've posted on this thread before but have been keeping an eye on it as it is so spookily similar to what my husband went through.

Having come out the other side of this nightmare, there are a couple of things I would say:

Firstly, the process is very slow with solicitors when it's not cut and dry. Don't forget they have probably ten or twenty other cases on the go as well as yours. You might think that the fortune you are paying them should speed things up but believe me it doesn't. Taking things slowly and surely may prove to be the best course in the long run in securing a fair financial settlement for you both, rather than waving the white flag and just trying to get it over a done with. Ten years from now the legal bills will be a dim and distant memory. What DH did was set up a fixed monthly payment to the solicitor rather than trying to pay things off as they come up, this might be worth looking into?

Secondly, re: lifetime maintenance, she can ask for the moon but it doesn't mean she is going to get it! However the solicitors phrase it, however they may make it seem that it's a possibility, it is ultimately the judge who will decide what is fair and reasonable. Most like a clean break as much as possible so unless there is some overwhelming reason she can't work or you are rich as King Midas then they are unlikely to look on this point as fair. DH's ex asked for the same thing as she was work shy, the judge just laughed and told her to get a job! I've read some of the letters DH got from her solicitor and honestly you would laugh your socks of the high minded, holier than though, this is what's going to happen language they used, especially in light of the outcome!!!

Thirdly, get a barrister for the court hearing. I'll say it again, get a barrister for the court hearing! No matter how much it will cost you they will be worth their weight in gold. Especially if the other side does not turn up with one. They will take apart piece by piece each argument your ex puts forward and will run rings around her solicitor.

My DH was is a very similar financial position to you. This is what she asked for:

Child maintenance £800 per month
Spousal maintenance £300 per month for life
100% of the house
50% of his pension

This is what she got:

£500 per month child maintenance until kids left secondary school.
No spousal maintenance
100% of the house
None of the pension

When she realised she wouldn't get the pension until she was 65 she traded it off against the house.

This financial outcome was all because DH had a barrister who relentlessly questioned everything, particularly why she couldn't get a job and therefore shouldn't get spousal maintenance. Also she laboured the fact that it would leave DH without the means to build a new life. Her solicitor just withered under the intense fire apparently!!

Don't let her get away with open ended 'best efforts' on the mortgage front as well, this is a big trap a lot of people fall into. There must be a time limit set to get you off the mortgage so you can move on financially.

Please Don't cave in and go for an easy win no matter how tempting it is. Keep thinking from a big picture 10 years from now perspective. A friend of mine caved in and did this, got put off by the legal costs decided to represent himself and was completely shafted by the financial settlement. She walked away with everything and left him with huge debts. He has convinced himself it turned out ok but he is still up to eyeballs in debt and unable to buy a house. The stress is evident in how he talks about the future.

Hang in there Jack, this will all seem like bad dream one day. DH and I sometimes talk about it and he says that it was worth going through divorce hell to be where he is now. We are very happy, DH, me and our little one on the way!

If you want to PM me then feel free, happy to help if I can.

Ames

JackRS wrote: »

Got a letter from solicitor to tell me that they have revised their estimate of the likely legal costs are now £3K-£8K. Not sure the point of sending me a hard copy letter which I’ll be charged for, oh see that’s why!

Feels like solicitors are doing their best to make things drag on and ensure conflict and cost, which is no surprise. A friend has suggested I try and speak to the ex and propose an agreement. For example offer her the house in full, set a time limit on maintenance payment and keep my pension. The way this is dragging on the legal fees are getting bigger. However considering she is asking for the house in full, lifetime maintenance payment, and half the pension not sure she’ll see that it’s more than reasonable offer. Not sure it would be best solution for me as I have nothing to pay legal fees and no deposit for a new house if I don’t get a share of it. However it’s not sold yet so even if I got 50% it’s 50% of nothing right now?

Please, please don't do this. Even if the legal fees ended up twice the new estimate it's still less than you'd stand to lose by giving her the house and spousal maintenance.

Maybe if you speak to your solicitor they can arrange a payment plan, or agree to hold off until the house is sold? There's a saying over on the Debt Free Wannabe board, they can't have what you don't have.

The agreement I have with a solicitor right now states that once the invoice becomes due interest will be charged at 8% until paid (although in our case it wont become due until a house sells). Does your agreement say anything similar? As that interest is probably a lot less than credit card interest, and gives breathing space instead of adding to your monthly outgoings right now.

I know you're getting worn down - who wouldn't be. But that's what she wants. It's divorce warfare tactics - she's bombarding you with unreasonableness in the hope that you'll surrender.

I don't know where you are, you mention down south, so if that means you're up north and anywhere near Leeds then I'll be happy to meet you for a coffee and listen to you moan for an hour or two.

Caroline_a wrote: »

I am shocked and horrified that any woman in this day and age thinks that she should be due a lifetime maintenance payment. Additionally that she can't be bothered to get off her lazy a$$ and get a job. My ex gave me nothing at all for our daughter - she was 9 when we split - and certainly nothing for me.

I have to say in your shoes I might be looking at a way to go bankrupt. That might make her think a bit...

It's like the last hundred years of fighting for women's rights never happened isn't it.

JackRS

Ballabriggs wrote: »

Jack,

I know I've posted on this thread before but have been keeping an eye on it as it is so spookily similar to what my husband went through.

Having come out the other side of this nightmare, there are a couple of things I would say:

Firstly, the process is very slow with solicitors when it's not cut and dry. Don't forget they have probably ten or twenty other cases on the go as well as yours. You might think that the fortune you are paying them should speed things up but believe me it doesn't. Taking things slowly and surely may prove to be the best course in the long run in securing a fair financial settlement for you both, rather than waving the white flag and just trying to get it over a done with. Ten years from now the legal bills will be a dim and distant memory. What DH did was set up a fixed monthly payment to the solicitor rather than trying to pay things off as they come up, this might be worth looking into?

Secondly, re: lifetime maintenance, she can ask for the moon but it doesn't mean she is going to get it! However the solicitors phrase it, however they may make it seem that it's a possibility, it is ultimately the judge who will decide what is fair and reasonable. Most like a clean break as much as possible so unless there is some overwhelming reason she can't work or you are rich as King Midas then they are unlikely to look on this point as fair. DH's ex asked for the same thing as she was work shy, the judge just laughed and told her to get a job! I've read some of the letters DH got from her solicitor and honestly you would laugh your socks of the high minded, holier than though, this is what's going to happen language they used, especially in light of the outcome!!!

Thirdly, get a barrister for the court hearing. I'll say it again, get a barrister for the court hearing! No matter how much it will cost you they will be worth their weight in gold. Especially if the other side does not turn up with one. They will take apart piece by piece each argument your ex puts forward and will run rings around her solicitor.

My DH was is a very similar financial position to you. This is what she asked for:

Child maintenance £800 per month
Spousal maintenance £300 per month for life
100% of the house
50% of his pension

This is what she got:

£500 per month child maintenance until kids left secondary school.
No spousal maintenance
100% of the house
None of the pension

When she realised she wouldn't get the pension until she was 65 she traded it off against the house.

This financial outcome was all because DH had a barrister who relentlessly questioned everything, particularly why she couldn't get a job and therefore shouldn't get spousal maintenance. Also she laboured the fact that it would leave DH without the means to build a new life. Her solicitor just withered under the intense fire apparently!!

Don't let her get away with open ended 'best efforts' on the mortgage front as well, this is a big trap a lot of people fall into. There must be a time limit set to get you off the mortgage so you can move on financially.

Please Don't cave in and go for an easy win no matter how tempting it is. Keep thinking from a big picture 10 years from now perspective. A friend of mine caved in and did this, got put off by the legal costs decided to represent himself and was completely shafted by the financial settlement. She walked away with everything and left him with huge debts. He has convinced himself it turned out ok but he is still up to eyeballs in debt and unable to buy a house. The stress is evident in how he talks about the future.

Hang in there Jack, this will all seem like bad dream one day. DH and I sometimes talk about it and he says that it was worth going through divorce hell to be where he is now. We are very happy, DH, me and our little one on the way!

If you want to PM me then feel free, happy to help if I can.

Thanks that's very useful obviously no situation is the same but looks like demands are similar. Just to point out there is no morgage that was paid off some years back so she's living in 4 bed detatched FOC.

JackRS

Ames wrote: »

Please, please don't do this. Even if the legal fees ended up twice the new estimate it's still less than you'd stand to lose by giving her the house and spousal maintenance.

Maybe if you speak to your solicitor they can arrange a payment plan, or agree to hold off until the house is sold? There's a saying over on the Debt Free Wannabe board, they can't have what you don't have.

The agreement I have with a solicitor right now states that once the invoice becomes due interest will be charged at 8% until paid (although in our case it wont become due until a house sells). Does your agreement say anything similar? As that interest is probably a lot less than credit card interest, and gives breathing space instead of adding to your monthly outgoings right now.

I know you're getting worn down - who wouldn't be. But that's what she wants. It's divorce warfare tactics - she's bombarding you with unreasonableness in the hope that you'll surrender.

I don't know where you are, you mention down south, so if that means you're up north and anywhere near Leeds then I'll be happy to meet you for a coffee and listen to you moan for an hour or two.



It's like the last hundred years of fighting for women's rights never happened isn't it.

Thanks, in midlands. Paying solicitor fee each month on 0% credit cards but the debt keeps building and will have to pay them off one day. Just moved £12K onto a new 18month 0% card but it's at it's limit. Other card due to end 0% in Feb 2014.

Ballabriggs

Missed that point re: the house. That does make things much simpler as she won't be able to play the sympathy card of 'he's leaving me with a big mortgage to pay but there's no way I could move or downsize' card!

So what's the game plan that your solicitor has come up with with regard to division of assets or is he/she still working on the Form E?

RAS

Ballabriggs wrote: »

Missed that point re: the house. That does make things much simpler as she won't be able to play the sympathy card of 'he's leaving me with a big mortgage to pay but there's no way I could move or downsize' card!

I assume that the children in your OH's case were much younger?

JackRS has one age 20 but still in FE (until July 2014) and younger who will complete FE in July 2015.

kelpie35

Cannot offer you any advice Jack but I can feel this is really wearing you down.

Is there any family members that can support you during this nightmare?

Please try to stay strong and take care of yourself.

JackRS

Ballabriggs wrote: »

Missed that point re: the house. That does make things much simpler as she won't be able to play the sympathy card of 'he's leaving me with a big mortgage to pay but there's no way I could move or downsize' card!

So what's the game plan that your solicitor has come up with with regard to division of assets or is he/she still working on the Form E?

Solicitor has asked a number of questions to them in response to her Form E's