Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

Think they'll want to settle out of court to as in court they may get less?

Ballabriggs

Hi jack,

Long time reader first time poster!

They definitely would wish to settle out of court because quite frankly what she is pushing for is just jackanory territory. Wanting you to pay for rent when she moves ...please! They also know the judge will not look kindly on her not being in employment especially in the current climate. Go to court and let an impartial judge decide. Think of your long term future and security, hopefully you'll meet someone nice in the future and you'll want to build a life. You can't if you've got a millstone round your neck that isn't necessary.

I'm a second wife and my husband went through very similar to your situation, in fact your ex sounds spookily familiar! He got a barrister for the court date and she was worth her weight in gold. Mind you he had a female judge as well, the only male legal rep was on his exes side ironically. When the ex tried to claim she couldn't work because she was concerned about the impact on the kids (both kids were in school at the time) the judge ( a working mum herself) basically told her to stop being lazy and get a job!

There is light at the end of the tunnel. We've been together for eight years now, hopefully expecting our first bundle of joy (very early days) and we're still like a couple of teenagers. Couldn't be happier.

JackRS

Ballabriggs wrote: »

Hi jack,

Long time reader first time poster!

They definitely would wish to settle out of court because quite frankly what she is pushing for is just jackanory territory. Wanting you to pay for rent when she moves ...please! They also know the judge will not look kindly on her not being in employment especially in the current climate. Go to court and let an impartial judge decide. Think of your long term future and security, hopefully you'll meet someone nice in the future and you'll want to build a life. You can't if you've got a millstone round your neck that isn't necessary.

I'm a second wife and my husband went through very similar to your situation, in fact your ex sounds spookily familiar! He got a barrister for the court date and she was worth her weight in gold. Mind you he had a female judge as well, the only male legal rep was on his exes side ironically. When the ex tried to claim she couldn't work because she was concerned about the impact on the kids (both kids were in school at the time) the judge ( a working mum herself) basically told her to stop being lazy and get a job!

There is light at the end of the tunnel. We've been together for eight years now, hopefully expecting our first bundle of joy (very early days) and we're still like a couple of teenagers. Couldn't be happier.

Thanks very much, that's the sort of thing I needed to hear gives me some hope! Really appreciate it...

RAS

JackRS

Well done for keeping your dignity so far.

If your wife had half a wit she would have stayed in the house until both DS and DD had finished the courses and then moved. In the mean-time got herself a job in an area were she know people who can network for her.

Two years down the line, the house would be sold and she would have enough equity to start again and a job and credit history to support a mortgage application.

The answer to pay the rent is "what is the Local Housing Allowance in the area?" You can find that on-line. And tell her to claim LHA.

Of course claiming maintenance from you for herself screws up the benefits side but she could have £1000s in child maintenance and it would have no impact.

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

JackRS

Well done for keeping your dignity so far.

If your wife had half a wit she would have stayed in the house until both DS and DD had finished the courses and then moved. In the mean-time got herself a job in an area were she know people who can network for her.

Two years down the line, the house would be sold and she would have enough equity to start again and a job and credit history to support a mortgage application.

The answer to pay the rent is "what if the Local Housing Allowance in the area?" You can find that on-line. And tell her to claim LHA.

Of course claiming maintenance from you for herself screws up the benefits side but she could have £1000s in child maintenance and it would have no impact.

Yeah, think her solicitor is not advising her very well or maybe she is half witted...

kelpie35

Ballabriggs wrote: »

Hi jack,

Long time reader first time poster!

They definitely would wish to settle out of court because quite frankly what she is pushing for is just jackanory territory. Wanting you to pay for rent when she moves ...please! They also know the judge will not look kindly on her not being in employment especially in the current climate. Go to court and let an impartial judge decide. Think of your long term future and security, hopefully you'll meet someone nice in the future and you'll want to build a life. You can't if you've got a millstone round your neck that isn't necessary.

I'm a second wife and my husband went through very similar to your situation, in fact your ex sounds spookily familiar! He got a barrister for the court date and she was worth her weight in gold. Mind you he had a female judge as well, the only male legal rep was on his exes side ironically. When the ex tried to claim she couldn't work because she was concerned about the impact on the kids (both kids were in school at the time) the judge ( a working mum herself) basically told her to stop being lazy and get a job!

There is light at the end of the tunnel. We've been together for eight years now, hopefully expecting our first bundle of joy (very early days) and we're still like a couple of teenagers. Couldn't be happier.

What a lovely post. :A

It will give Jack hope, which he badly needs with all he has had to put up with.

JackRS

As the house has not sold ex and my daughter are going to stay living there while my daughter completes her final year at college that she was at. She’s relieved as she didn’t want to change. My son will start his college course in the south coast living with grandparents (ex parents). So what remains to be seen is if ex will now make any effort to look for a job and apply for JSA if not successful? I suspect her solicitor is advising her not to, to ensure her income is at the minimum to get more out of me etc.

Our solicitors will exchange financial forms on Tuesday to begin ‘negotiations’, they have to be filed to the court end of Sep for court hearing 28 Oct. I’ve said before I believe they will try to get settlement out of court as the court may not support their demands. Although I’ve no idea how it all works so I’ll rely on my solicitor to advise?

kelpie35

Does this mean you will not be selling your house now with your DD staying at local college?

I hope your solicitor is still on the boil!

I would imagine that your ex should either seek work or benefits and her lack of trying to support herself will come across to everyone who make the decisions.

Hopefully you can remain as dignified as you have been and that you get the outcome you so deservedly need.

Mojisola

JackRS wrote: »

I suspect her solicitor is advising her not to, to ensure her income is at the minimum to get more out of me etc.

I don't think that will hold up. She is deliberately not claiming money that she could claim - look how much she's lost already by not claiming as soon as you left!

JackRS

kelpie35 wrote: »

Does this mean you will not be selling your house now with your DD staying at local college?

I hope your solicitor is still on the boil!

I would imagine that your ex should either seek work or benefits and her lack of trying to support herself will come across to everyone who make the decisions.

Hopefully you can remain as dignified as you have been and that you get the outcome you so deservedly need.

The house is still up for sale, even if a new buyer is found soon can easiy take 6 months, however I don't think it'll sell now until the spring. So it makes sense for them to continue living in it until it does. If it does sell and the buyers want to move in before next July we'll cross that bridge. For me the significant thing is the ex refusal to apply for JSA and find a job in the area since April because of planning to move south. Seems so silly to have missed out on opportunities but then I don't know if it is better for her case?