Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

Angry_Bear wrote: »

Someone needs to point out to your ex that her expectations are ridiculous. She effectively has £700 spending money for her and the kids a month. That's plenty, especially as she refuses to even try to support herself.

Well she's had months to adjust and I have given more than enough notice to the frustration to many on here saying I was being too generous etc.

This latest threat isn't nice especially as my new solicitor is on holiday until Tuesday so not sure I'm going to get the advice. I will contact the partner at the firm who oversees her work for advice, more cost as her rate is higher!

I feel sick with it all, and hard to find the strength to carry on which I know is all part of their strategy.

thorsoak

As someone else has said, please ensure that your new solicitor knows the ages of your children. In the eyes of law, they are both adults and are of an age when they would be entitled to benefits on their own behalf - it is to your credit that you are still paying maintenance for them.

kelpie35

JackRS wrote: »

Well she's had months to adjust and I have given more than enough notice to the frustration to many on here saying I was being too generous etc.

This latest threat isn't nice especially as my new solicitor is on holiday until Tuesday so not sure I'm going to get the advice. I will contact the partner at the firm who oversees her work for advice, more cost as her rate is higher!

I feel sick with it all, and hard to find the strength to carry on which I know is all part of their strategy.

Please, please try to stay strong. I do understand the strain you are under.

Try to concentrate on how much you have had to manage on over the last 6 months and also the living arrangements you have had also.

You have to believe that the financial support you have given her is more than enough for 3 people to live off.

Would you be able to enjoy the weekend in the company of some friends, who might be able to support you.

Take care, my thoughts are with you.

paulineb_2

JackRS wrote: »

Well she's had months to adjust and I have given more than enough notice to the frustration to many on here saying I was being too generous etc.

This latest threat isn't nice especially as my new solicitor is on holiday until Tuesday so not sure I'm going to get the advice. I will contact the partner at the firm who oversees her work for advice, more cost as her rate is higher!

I feel sick with it all, and hard to find the strength to carry on which I know is all part of their strategy.

You are doing really well and I think its good advice to point out that your kids are of the age where they are almost independent

And waiting a day until your lawyer gets back isnt a big deal in the scheme of things, Id just wait until she gets back

Its really sad all round when people split up. I have a family friend who is separated from his partner, refusing to pay maintenance, is worth a fortune, an absolute fortune and is determined to make his ex partner suffer and by default the kids, but when people do want to pay and pay generously thats not enough for some people.

I read the list of demands earlier on that you posted from their side, you are being totally reasonable, she isnt.

You have the right to support your kids and the wish to, paying for her credit card bill is just taking the proverbial and you are right to say no, she needs to have her eyes opened to the fact that you arent a cash dispenser.

justme111

It will all be over soon
Look after yourself
Please consider getting in touch with your children and letting them know if they do really need /want something to get in touch with you. Or move in with you.

JackRS

Thanks everyone for your kind words it does mean a lot and helps me through these dark times. Thing is I've just had to pay £1050 on deposit for new rental and £240 agency fee so don't actually have anything I can give.

The credit card bill is a classic as I paid Mays statement (April spend) and wrote an email to inform her that the next one would be her responsibility. So she just ignored that and expected me to pay. I have set all evidence of my communication about this to my solicitor.

Question is do I reply to her email in any way, I won't tonight that's for sure. Really would like my solicitors advice so want to leave it.

paulineb_2

You dont need to email her, just leave it. Its not your responsibility to pay her credit card bill.

justme111

I am sure you will always find something for kids. Congratulations on your moving into your new home being arranged and payed for. Have some Pimms and remwmber , in 5 years time it will all seem so small and far away x .I would not engage in a dialogue with her , she is hurt and will hear nothing if what
you have to say. It is not your task to convince her you are being fair. No need to spend any nervous energy on her now that your spl.it.

JackRS

justme111 wrote: »

I am sure you will always find something for kids. Congratulations on your moving into your new home being arranged and payed for. Have some Pimms and remwmber , in 5 years time it will all seem so small and far away x .u would not engage in a dialogue with her , she is hurt and will hear nothing if whatbyou have to say. It us not your task to convince her you are being fair. No need yo spend any.nervous energy on her now that you split.

Completely inline with my thinking thanks.

Yes I will always find something for the kids although I already give them £50 a month each and pay £240 a month on driving lessons. My daughter did do some bar work at a festival last weekend but need to encourage them to earn and find their own path like I had to and not follow their mothers example to expect it from me.

paulineb_2

You know when I think of my own dad, who has always been well off, well he got well off after my mum and dad divorced, back in the day he paid about 2 quid a week, and my mum had to go to court to force him to pay that. Ive not had a birthday card or christmas card from him in 40 years and I never will and thats ok.

My brothers dad also paid not a penny for him and my mum managed, she worked, she put the food on the table, she helped us through uni, she sacrificed holidays for herself to make sure we got.

Some people really do not know they are born, because there are some parents who dont see their kids, who pay absolutely nothing for them.

The friend I spoke about above, when I say this man is a millionaire, thats what he is. He went off sick to try and avoid paying CSA, hes self employed. Hes stated over and over again that he wants to ruin my mums friend.

They jointly own 3 properties and she cant get benefits because of this, but what he offered her in a settlement was something like 30 grand and a bedsit that his daughter is in (shed have to be kicked out)

Hes also giving away much of his money to his adult kids so she and the kids, who are two and eight, see nothing of it.

She also put 80 grand into their house that he still lives in. Its a bit different up here, we are in scotland and even though they werent married she has rights and hopefully all will be ok in the end

But some people really do need to have a massive reality check. You are there to help your kids, you are not there to pay her bills and keep her in the lifestyle that she thinks she is owed

They live rent free in a house, what else do they need? Food on the table, bills paid and a bit left over and that is it.

No more. And she can get off her backside and get a job if the money she has coming in doesnt pay for her lifestyle

You arent a meal ticket and no way should you be treated like one

Im not married, I dont have kids but all I can say is, last year was the most stressful year my family have ever had and if you can stay strong and get through this, things will pick up for you and you can get back to some kind of normality, even if it feels awful in the meantime.