Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

I've been having some text from the ex, upset that house has been sold and accusing me of not caring about her. I wrote back explaining I was being reasonable etc and got this back:

'I agree you were being reasonable about the finances initially but expecting us to manage on a quarter of your salary (mostly direct debits) while you want three quarters does seem a tad selfish to me. You know I would prefer to resolve this in a friendly way without going to court but if you won’t change your stance then that is where we will end up. It is up to you I’m afraid.'
　

RAS

Just remind her that she was being completely unreasonable about finances initially.

And point out that she can claim £820+ per month in benefits on top of the money that you provide.

And that a basic 30 hours a week job on minimum wage will net her £780 plus about 500 per month in WTC plus CTC. At which point she will be in receipt of over 40% of the joint income. And she has no current housing costs whilst you have to rent.

onetomany

JackRS wrote: »

I've been having some text from the ex, upset that house has been sold and accusing me of not caring about her. I wrote back explaining I was being reasonable etc and got this back:

'I agree you were being reasonable about the finances initially but expecting us to manage on a quarter of your salary (mostly direct debits) while you want three quarters does seem a tad selfish to me. You know I would prefer to resolve this in a friendly way without going to court but if you won’t change your stance then that is where we will end up. It is up to you I’m afraid.'
　

omg the selfish mare if she wants more she should work or claim benifits spolit comes to mind just say see u in court i think the judge will laugh at her your kids are almost adults she needs to grow up dont be pulled into it your doing great new place to live etc ur on the up x

onetomany

JackRS wrote: »

I've been having some text from the ex, upset that house has been sold and accusing me of not caring about her. I wrote back explaining I was being reasonable etc and got this back:

'I agree you were being reasonable about the finances initially but expecting us to manage on a quarter of your salary (mostly direct debits) while you want three quarters does seem a tad selfish to me. You know I would prefer to resolve this in a friendly way without going to court but if you won’t change your stance then that is where we will end up. It is up to you I’m afraid.'
　

just had a thought maybe shes panicing as she will have to pay for court?

Treevo

JackRS wrote: »

I've been having some text from the ex, upset that house has been sold and accusing me of not caring about her. I wrote back explaining I was being reasonable etc and got this back:

'I agree you were being reasonable about the finances initially but expecting us to manage on a quarter of your salary (mostly direct debits) while you want three quarters does seem a tad selfish to me. You know I would prefer to resolve this in a friendly way without going to court but if you won’t change your stance then that is where we will end up. It is up to you I’m afraid.'
　

Point out the substantial benefits she could be claiming as well as having no rent or mortgage to pay. Which makes the difference of money much smaller.

If she wants to threaten court then call her bluff and inform her that you'll be happy to go to court after how unreasonable she's been as it will probably be the only way you can reach a fair settlement.

justme111

If it ends up in court it would been because she was utterly irreasonable about finances initially so you went to solicitors, you would been glad to discuss it with her but you could not. You may remind her how she daid to you all communication through solicitors when she thought she had upper hand. Mind , if she offers a fair settlement you don't need to go to court , I guess by this time you have pretty good idea on what a fair settlement would be. I would be tempted to agree things with her , run them through your solicitor and sign if they are happy with it so that in the future she would not have said it was you who drugged it all through courts. And it would been cheaper ... Question is how reasonable she became now , you may say you are very happy to discuss any reasonable offer of settlement but until she sees you as her sole source of income you doubt she would come up with such ...

justme111

onetomany wrote: »

just had a thought maybe shes panicing as she will have to pay for court?

She is panicking she is not going to be in her comfort zone - her house , kids will be even older by the time court comes , she had faced the reality and she did not like it so now she tries to blame him into caving back , she still did not realise her financial wellbeing is not his concern anymore.

RAS

JackRS wrote: »

Been sent court hearing date for financial order 28th October!

Presumably this is the interim order?

JackRS wrote: »

I've been having some text from the ex, upset that house has been sold and accusing me of not caring about her.

OK - so you left home 6 months ago and have agreed to a divorce and she thinks you have a responsibility to care for her? Which bit of the word single does she not understand?

And she has been planning to go south in September since when???

You may have a residual responsibility for her financially (pleased to note your new solicitor is talking about time limited) but for some reason you know you long ago ceased want to live with her.

Do not be surprised if she proves to be a complete mare round signing the deeds of sale. You might want to ask your lawyer about adding an order for sale to the court proceedings?

onetomany

what gets me is just say op pays say £500 a week just a sum of my head whats stopping her getting that then claiming benifiets on top would it be classed as matenice

LannieDuck

lol - you don't expect her to survive on a quarter of your salary... you expect her to survive on 100% of her salary!