Separated, how much should I provide?

duchy

JackRS wrote: »

Who'd have me with luggage, debt...etc

You'd be surprised .....however maybe just working on making new friends rather than a full blown dating site might be a better first step. Do you have hobbies or interests that might broaden your social life in general ....or do you need to find some ?

duchy

justme111 wrote: »

Well I am looking.mostly.at divorcees and I would rather be wary.of one without kids by.40-45 than by one who has them with an ex. Besides yours will not require cs for much longer. Everybody looks for company , women as well. You probably not a good candidate for a serious relationship now while the mess is going on but for some convwrsation , company , whatever activity you would be great. Time will go by quick and in a year you will be one of the best matches once the dust is settled

Really ?
By that age it's usually a childless by choice decision or failed fertility rather than not found a sperm doner so you could be missing out by limiting your selection that way.

justme111

duchy wrote: »

Really ?
By that age it's usually a childless by choice decision or failed fertility rather than not found a sperm doner so you could be missing out by limiting your selection that way.

I am female. I am wary of male with no kids because a- they may
want some and I may not be able to give him any and b- because there would be higher chances of them having issues with my daughter if they don't have their own kids. I do not limit my choices anyway. I would keep those factors inind though.

[Deleted User]

As a child of a very bitter divorce with a very 'laid back' father I can understand both sides. But I still love both parents. It did cause long lasting effects for both of us kids though (even though I am now 40 odd). I still remember the long diatribes about how awful my father was (even in the bath) when I was 11 plus. And they hurt. I'm glad you are making it clear you are there for your children though. That will help them. Be there, even if they do express anger and bitterness/judgment at some point. 90% of the time, as they grow up, they will see their mother isn't really thinking of them but of her hurt and anger. And it will come back and bite her in the end because it says a lot about her integrity. They will almost certainly see that, even if its years down the line.

I agree about the divorce proceedings. The judge can only make decisions about what is put in front of him.., you need a solicitor who is going to take an aggressive stance.

Quite frankly, she has no excuse to not go to the JobCentre (who will be aggressive about her looking for work) other than making you pay. She could move in September, she may not.., its no excuse to not look at work options with almost grown children. But I do realise the legal situation is creating this farce for you.

I've read all the thread, it does show how you've evolved. I am amazed at how you've kept to your integrity but also 'toughened' up a bit. As has been mentioned on here, yes you left the home.., but I suspect there were good reasons for doing so so its not just 'you' that has ownership for the marriage failure.

I am writing as someone who didn't receive a penny for my older son who has special needs for years , and now gets the grand total of £40 a week for our 17 year old (half of that is an arrears payment). My ex acts like I've committed a crime! I tend to regard this with humour now, its the least damaging way to regard it (I refuse to get angry about his attitude, will damage no one but myself).

I hope that as time goes by, your life will get brighter and brighter. Don't give up on another relationship, there are plenty of couples who met in messy situations like this and have good relationships.

JackRS

Just had an offer on the house 4% off the asking price and no chain!

Also the ex has not transfered direct debits to her account so now they are not being paid!

onetomany

good news on the house as for the direct debits ring them and inform them you left the home on a cetrain date where are you living at mo do you pay water etc

RAS

JackRS wrote: »

Just had an offer on the house 4% off the asking price and no chain!

Also the ex has not transfered direct debits to her account so now they are not being paid!

So on what date did you tell the utilities that you moved out?

You have told the utilties that you have moved out?

The ex is wrecking her credit rating (as you have no mortgage or remining joint accounts she cannot touch yours).

kelpie35

Excellent news on the house front.

It is not your problem re utilities as long as you informed them you do not live there and your name is not on the bills.

Have you moved into your new accommodation yet?

Things seem to be looking up for you now, long may it continue.

JackRS

kelpie35 wrote: »

Excellent news on the house front.

It is not your problem re utilities as long as you informed them you do not live there and your name is not on the bills.

Have you moved into your new accommodation yet?

Things seem to be looking up for you now, long may it continue.

Manage to negotiate house sale up to 2% off asking price today so agreed to sell and no chain so providing his finance works out etc good progress.

Rental available from this weekend but need to work out what I need etc so probably move in a couple of weeks.

Been sent court hearing date for financial order 28th October!

FBaby

justme111 wrote: »

I am female. I am wary of male with no kids because a- they may
want some and I may not be able to give him any and b- because there would be higher chances of them having issues with my daughter if they don't have their own kids. I do not limit my choices anyway. I would keep those factors inind though.

I met my partner online when he was 41. Previously married, no children. I was a single mum of two children aged 5 and 8. He turned out to be the love of my life (and I am very picky!!!) and we are getting married in 6 weeks time after 4 years together. I have to say that having heard horrible stories being a step-mum, I feel extremely lucky that he has no children!