Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

JackRS

I really hope that this makes a difference. I had assumed originally that you had a specialist, but last week I wondered if your wife's solicitor knew how lacking your solicitor was and thought they could just string you along and you would not fight back.

I suspect that once they start getting comms from a firm with a high reputation they might get a bit more sensible.

You might want to ask if it is more prudent to get as close as posisble to the date when the youngest ceases to be eligible for statuatory support.

If neither are going to university, then support beyond that age would usually be direct with the off-spring. I think the reason for the potential for support up to 25 was that it allows those who would have done a first degree, Master's and research degree if their parents stayed married to be supported throughout their education. Certainly the judge in my parent's case intended that maintenance should be paid for those of us studying beyond A Levels. However, my mother preferred to utilise some serious errors in his financial declaration to halt all further legal action on his side.

OK will ask, thanks.

RAS

JackRS wrote: »

Thanks
I won't be doing any chores she's mentioned, I may not even bother with any chores?

You could leave a dirty cup or two in the sink? No - not really.

I would however be tempted to make sure that your presence is felt; re-arrange some of the kitchen gear, put the bathroom stuff in the wrong place, swap a couple of pictures over as they look better the new way.

Anything that reminds her in every room that you were there.

Sorry, I am being wicked but she really is the end.

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

You could leave a dirty cup or two in the sink? No - not really.

I would however be tempted to make sure that your presence is felt; re-arrange some of the kitchen gear, put the bathroom stuff in the wrong place, swap a couple of pictures over as they look better the new way.

Anything that reminds her in every room that you were there.

Sorry, I am being wicked but she really is the end.

Know what you mean but I kind of think not going at all may be more effective. Anyway I really want to move forward and not play games. Want to make positive steps and do what's best for me. I have a viewing on a property arranged for Monday.

Thumper7

Jack can I give you a perspective from the other side.

My husband left me for another woman just over a month ago. I have had to move back home to Scotland from Wales. He has moved in with his mistress.

He has, today, officially retired from the army after 34 years and is due a considerable lump sum and a pension.

We sort of discussed finances and I had his agreement to give me 1/3 of his lump sum payment, which would cover the debts in my name and enough to cover the costs of living, i.e mortgage, electricity and a very small amount for food until such times as I found a job. He has since decided that this is too generous and I can have one or the other. ie the lump sum or the monthly payment.

Now the monthly payment doesn't cover all my outgoings plus monthly cc bills and if I take the lump sum, then I have no money for every day bills or food.

For the last 2 weeks I have been applying for jobs and all I get is rejections letters. I don't want to be reliant on my husband but at the moment I have no choice.

I gave up a very good job to follow him from pillar to post in his career.

This is probably nothing like your wife's situation but just want to give you an insight from the other side.

D

JackRS

Thumper7 wrote: »

Jack can I give you a perspective from the other side.

My husband left me for another woman just over a month ago. I have had to move back home to Scotland from Wales. He has moved in with his mistress.

He has, today, officially retired from the army after 34 years and is due a considerable lump sum and a pension.

We sort of discussed finances and I had his agreement to give me 1/3 of his lump sum payment, which would cover the debts in my name and enough to cover the costs of living, i.e mortgage, electricity and a very small amount for food until such times as I found a job. He has since decided that this is too generous and I can have one or the other. ie the lump sum or the monthly payment.

Now the monthly payment doesn't cover all my outgoings plus monthly cc bills and if I take the lump sum, then I have no money for every day bills or food.

For the last 2 weeks I have been applying for jobs and all I get is rejections letters. I don't want to be reliant on my husband but at the moment I have no choice.

I gave up a very good job to follow him from pillar to post in his career.

This is probably nothing like your wife's situation but just want to give you an insight from the other side.

D

I’m truly sorry for the situation you have been left in. Key difference is you are trying to get income and are not expecting him to provide everything. I guess you have a good case for support. My wife refuses to go through the JSA process hiding behind the moving soon so what’s the point.

Thanks for the insight from the other side. I do appreciate there's always 2 sides to this situation.

comeandgo

Thumper7 get yourself a lawyer pronto - I think his pension, at full value, which would be quite a lot of money after 34 years, you are due half of it, not the lump sum which will only be 25% but twice the value of the lump sum.

Thumper7

Unfortunately I do not qualify for benefits, I don't have children so I am at his whim. even if I could qualify I would lose my home which I had before we met but I could not afford to keep on unless I find a fulltime job earning at least £20K. And that is going to be difficult as I have been out the workplace for 7 years.

Floxxie

I am glad that you have sought alternative advice Jack. I too have used Brethertons but I would recommend that you try out wikivorce first to get an idea of what to expect.

As for an alternative...I was left by my husband with 3 very young children. I lost my job. I want a fair settlement but I do not want to control the husband that controlled me...I am happy to move on. I could go on about what he did to us as a family but the end result is that fault is not normally part of a financial settlement so put your emotions aside and learn what the law can and can't do and what you are likely to get out of the whole process.

Thumper 7 - take legal advice - it does not matter that you do not have children...you were married and that counts.

Floxxie

JackRS wrote: »

Well that's one I can easily answer...it's easy money especially as first time saps like me have no knowledge or experience so will think the solicitor knows what they are doing.

What Carl highlighted to me which was why I was feeling unconfortable with current set up was that high street solicitors aren't really equiped to deal with a case like mine generally. However they may be if they have the experience etc but generally not. So he pointed out the key things I needed to consider when selecting a solicitor, they need to be:

LEXCEL
Signed revolution agreement
Ranked in legal 500
Ancillary relief lawyers
Specialise in financial division of divorce

He said it tends to be the larger firms that have people who deal with theses sorts of cases regularly and also have access to others in the firm for support etc. Obviously you may find a specialist with that experience in a high street small firm but not so likely. So he identified a number of key questions to ask when selecting a solicitor but said he could pass my case on to a company that had specialist that meet the criteria. He’s writing a brief summary of my case and passing on to Brethertons and expects me to be contacted Monday.

He thought that my solicitors approach should have been to request my ex to have a ‘benefits check’ and then establish reasonable needs. I guess wikivorce must be funded by referral fee but he spoke to me for 50 minutes didn’t try to rush me was really good and understood my concerns. He said that Brethertons will talk for around 20 minutes without initial charge. Obviously they'll make their money later so I know it's not free.

So thanks again Floxxie for the wiki tip just wished I contacted them sooner although I wouldn’t have known what my problem was a few weeks back.

I believe it is actually partially government funded but also they survive on public contributions. I can only comment on how helpful the site has been for me. I am now representing myself and am currently negotiating with a partner of a reputable firm ..am I scared? hell no, Wikivorce are behind me and know a damn more than he does

duchy

JackRS wrote: »

Thanks
I won't be doing any chores she's mentioned, I may not even bother with any chores?

:j :j :j

That is the correct response :T

In the nicest possible way Jack-I'm glad you've grown a pair