Separated, how much should I provide?

kelpie35

JackRS wrote: »

...Well I put a congratulations card in the post today to him

Well done Jack :T

I do hope and pray that you get a response.

Remember you have done everything in your power to be the best dad for both your son and daughter. The most important thing is that you have shown them love and support and continue to do this. It is now a waiting game for your son to respond.

Take care

RAS

JackRS

This has not been an easy couple of years for any of you.

I suspect that son feels that he got the worst deal:

Had to relocate away from friends
Had to start a course at a new college
Had to live away from both parents and sister
Had to live with grandparents

On top of the reduced financial situation and family break-down that you all experienced.

At his age it is very hard to understand that a lot of that was down to his mother's decision to relocate him and not to your decision to end the marriage.

And this may sound silly but kids can cope with feeling that they have a difficult relationship with one parent as long as the other is OK but it is much harder for them to be more even handed and realise that the change is as a result of the actions of both parents.

You mentioned very early on that your had tried unsuccessfully to help him with his college work in Y12 and that had strained your relationship (or something like that). He may still need one parent to be "pristine" which means all the fault is attributed to the other parent.

Add to which that he may have been expecting (or led to expect) that life would return to "normal" when mum got all the house, all your income and everything else. And now the reality bites.

He feels hurt and he wants you to know but is not able to face a situation when he can have an open discussion with you and even allow you to acknowledge the situation. Not so you can explain but just so he can let go. Your daughter is a bit older and has made it past that hurdle. He will in time.

I know you still love him and care about him as a father would, and could never have predicted that madam would relocate him in the circumstances that happened.

The harder you push, the harder he will push back. Slowly slowly catchy monkey.

Does DD have contact with your parents at all? She has probably been told by son not to say anything to you but maybe she can talk to GPs? And maybe they can send congratulations without provoking a response (mindful that he will probably get his course results soon?).

justme111

Great analysis. Superb. Agree 100%. And yes - no pressure for now. As I written in my post I would write a heart pouring letter not now but may be in a year or a few years when he grown up a bit , distanced from the events and got bored with this stand off. It would give him an opportunity to reconcile "for the sake of his father " thus saving the face. What is likely to happen though that it will be not needed - there will be some opportunity for smooth reconciliation in the meantime to which probably RAS refers to as slowly catching monkey.

JackRS

Following some emails with the solicitor it turns out thatshe just needed a letter signed and posted from both of us stating the amountsto be transferred, she didn’t need a copy of the settlement order. So both me and the ex sent letters in andtoday the funds have been credit to our accounts ! I enquired last week about the interest as wehad agreed to split that 50/50, it seems they have given us around 0.25%interest for the 3 months they’ve heldit and taken £36 off for Telegraphic transfer. So I have my deposit money, which is a relief as I think the settlementorder will continue to bounce around a bit. I received settlement order and have signed and posted back to mysolicitor yesterday, so maybe she’ll pass it on soon then it takes another 6 to8 weeks for the court to approve it etc….

On the house front I was with conveyancer Friday afternoon andhave signed what I need to and proposed a completion 24th July. A bit more chasing today using estateagent has told me that the seller is ok with that date provided all the thingsare in place with the solicitor. This iswhere it could fall down as my conveyancer is having trouble getting anyresponse from the solicitor handling the sale so fingers crossed there. I’ve got a van booked from work for thatweekend so things are in place. I waspleased by the list of stuff they are leaving in the house, all lights,mirrors, curtains blinds and the dishwasher. So it’ll make it easier to start with, Just need to sort out a fridge. Looking into building insurance now using mse guidelines.

Court case for eviction tomorrow, hopefully it shouldn’tmatter so much but there’s a risk of being charged fees etc?

mellymoo74

JackRS the costs are about £100 and yes there is a risk.
it depends completely on the judge, for example we won and still had to pay fees because he didnt like our council.

No point in worrying about it, have you spoke to the landlord at all? It is still possible to call it off.

mellymoo74

Oh and well done
x

wannabe_credit_free

I am delighted for you Jack and wish you health and happiness in your new home. You so deserve it. Upwards and onwards now for the future..:beer:

JackRS

mellymoo74 wrote: »

JackRS the costs are about £100 and yes there is a risk.
it depends completely on the judge, for example we won and still had to pay fees because he didnt like our council.

No point in worrying about it, have you spoke to the landlord at all? It is still possible to call it off.

The costs are a lot more than that because they've got legal insurance and have a solicitor representing them. I've tried to negotiate as has the agent who doesn't want the case but they don't want to. I don't have any council I'll be representing myself...

RAS

As an LIP, make sure that you ask that both parties pay their own costs.

Judges tend to be a bit more lenient with LIPs.

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

As an LIP, make sure that you ask that both parties pay their own costs.

Judges tend to be a bit more lenient with LIPs.

LIP? Sorry I'm rubbish on these things 'Lazy Incapable Person'?