Separated, how much should I provide?

Marisco

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Let us hope she sees sense then.

Unfortunately sense seems to go out the window when money is involved

rpc

JackRS wrote: »

her barrister did advise her it was reasonable and to avoid further costs.

So she pays for expert advice and then ignores it?

!!!!!! you pay your barrister to tell you what point to settle at and get both sides there, standing and talking at a judge is generally less important.

You sure she isn't trying to buy a property in cloud cuckoo land?

Gigervamp

It sounds like revenge.

"He's the one who decided to leave and ruin my cushy life, so I'll make him pay."

duchy

Gigervamp wrote: »

It sounds like revenge.

"He's the one who decided to leave and ruin my cushy life, so I'll make him pay."

Which straight after a split is to a degree understandable .......but after two years is neither sane nor reasonable. Had she got her act together she could be settled in a new job and have some experience under her belt ready to move south.

It does appear strange that a woman with so much time on her hands has no strong social network but prefers to run home to Mum and Dad.

rpc

Gigervamp wrote: »

It sounds like revenge.

"He's the one who decided to leave and ruin my cushy life, so I'll make him pay."

And yet in the rather likely scenario where the court awards a settlement around or worse than Jack's final offer, it will be her who pays.

Ames

kelpie35 wrote: »

Have to agree 100% with you Lunar.

Next she will be wanting Jack to live off of bread and water under a bridge for the rest of his life.

Words cannot describe how angry and sad I feel for Jack.

And she'd expect him to give her a share of that bread and water.

This whole thing is reminding me of my mum when her and dad divorced. What he was offering was more than fair but she just wouldn't accept it. I think a lot of it was because my grandparents were telling her she should get more, was entitled to more etc. IIRC they even went to the court with her. For various complicated reasons she listened to them more than her lawyer.

barbiedoll

I don't think that many of us on here would want to see Mrs exJackRS end up living in a grotty flat, nor would we want to see her living in penury. After all, she has spent years in her marriage, bringing up the children and keeping house. We know that Jack doesn't want to see her go without her fair share, he's always been more than generous.

But she does seem to have done herself no favours with regard to getting her act and her life together. She's not too old to re-train, nor is she too old to meet someone else, to have a social life, to get employment, even if it's in the local Asda for a few hours a week. She seems happy to sit at home and wait for the cash to roll in, despite no longer having a house to keep, or young children to care for. Personally, I would hate to have to rely on my ex-husband to pay my bills if I was perfectly capable of paying my own way. What if Jack meets someone else and starts a new family? Will she have to go grovelling to the courts to ensure that he doesn't reduce her handouts? What if he has a mid-life crisis and decided to swan off for a "gap year" around the world? She can't stop him, she's going to be entirely at his mercy (and that of his employer, come to that)

Gigervamp wrote: »

It sounds like revenge.

"He's the one who decided to leave and ruin my cushy life, so I'll make him pay."

I think this may well be true and in some ways, is perfectly understandable. Although after two years, and when you know that Jack has not left her for someone else, now just comes across as mean and grasping. How long is she going to hold a grudge for?

It's turned into a very sorry tale for all concerned. If only she'd sat down and talked, she would have probably ended up with a lot more than she'll eventually get. The lawyers' fees alone would probably have paid for a new car outright! :mad:

Vicky123

JackRS wrote: »

Essentially yes that is what I'm doing by putting my final offer in writing, it is already more than I want to give in cash but going to a final hearing would wipe it out. So I'm hoping she sees sense as her barrister did advise her it was reasonable and to avoid further costs.

How do you know her Barrister advised her it was reasonable? I was never present at my ex's legal discussions, maybe I'm just a cynic but my impression was the legal bods were just thinking business, another day, another dollar. I wish you much luck you are offering an awful lot, it's far more than many people achieve, if she was smart she would cut and run which is why I think someone is advising her to keep this rumbling on.

JackRS

Vicky123 wrote: »

How do you know her Barrister advised her it was reasonable? I was never present at my ex's legal discussions, maybe I'm just a cynic but my impression was the legal bods were just thinking business, another day, another dollar. I wish you much luck you are offering an awful lot, it's far more than many people achieve, if she was smart she would cut and run which is why I think someone is advising her to keep this rumbling on.

Yes I know what you mean, and I don't know for sure but my barrister said to me that when her barrister fed back to say that she wanted more time to decide she had admitted to him that she had tried to encourage her to accept. It could have just been words?

Lunar_Eclipse

barbiedoll wrote: »

But she does seem to have done herself no favours with regard to getting her act and her life together. She's not too old to re-train, nor is she too old to meet someone else, to have a social life, to get employment, even if it's in the local Asda for a few hours a week. She seems happy to sit at home and wait for the cash to roll in, despite no longer having a house to keep, or young children to care for.

I don't disagree and I mentioned this at the beginning of the thread, BUT her behaviour is probably in line with her legal advice.

I have had friends in similar circumstances. All were advised NOT to look for work until after financial settlement. And one lady gave up her job as per legal advice. It puts them in the strongest position for the best outcome. Depending on how one feels about the separation, it's hard to go against what the 'professionals' tell you is in your best interests. If you don't want the split and your financial needs are being met, it's understandable why someone wouldn't take a few hours on the tills in ASDA, which they've never done before, knowing that minimum wage job could effectively cost them MUCH more in settlement risked.

I think Jack has always acted admirably and been generous in his offer. Whilst I don't think I'd behave as his ex wife has (and none of us know what that would be without having been there), if the love of my life walked out, I can't say I'd be in any rush not to look after my own self interests financially, whilst balancing it carefully with the messages I'd be sending to my daughters.