Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Presumably Jack you cannot access any of your house sale proceeds until this is all sorted? Are you getting quotes and ideas of how much it will cost you to find a property to live in? There is a lot of talk about your ex and what she will need but you also need a roof over your head.


I know you are renting at the moment. Do you intend to carry on or are you looking to buy?

Yes I've been looking but it really depends on what I get for deposit once all legal costs taken off my share of the cash. I will need a large mortgage over a shorter term (15 years) this has been presented in the case which prompted the judge to raise concern on my low share of the cash.

duchy

Part of me thinks the judge was giving a very clear message that a final hearing will want nuts and bolts rather than airy fairy expectations - and that is likely to be your advantage when it comes to expected salary (especially as she'll be working in the south east - and a property suitable to her needs- which is 2 bedrooms not four !

JackRS

rpc wrote: »

Looking at that, you are only about 10k apart overall in negotiations. 251,200 for her offer and 240,060 for yours.

I think your offers are generous, but it seems bonkers to force a final hearing that probably costs more than the difference in positions.

I'm not suggesting that you give even more, just that from the outside it seems nuts that this can't be resolved now. But then I have been following the thread since early days and realise that it's par for this particular course.

As much as I don't like the idea of giving her what she wants here, if she doesn't accept your offer after 14 days is it worth considering hers? 10k in cash now with less money for longer. But no stress of a final hearing, no more solicitors bills and, except for a standing order once a month, you can put this mess behind you.

Essentially yes that is what I'm doing by putting my final offer in writing, it is already more than I want to give in cash but going to a final hearing would wipe it out. So I'm hoping she sees sense as her barrister did advise her it was reasonable and to avoid further costs.

duchy

Hopefully living with her parents is already starting to grate (and we know DS is itching to move out) and the thought of a further delay might concentrate her mind on a quicker settlement

enthusiasticsaver

It seems unfair that you should be penalised for your ex's decision to more to a more expensive area and hence need a larger share of the former matrimonial home proceeds. At least the judge seems to be taking some of that on board and not just agreeing to what she wants.


If the offers are not miles apart it seems mad for your ex wife not to agree on a compromise particularly if she may end up paying your costs if the judge rules against her.

JackRS

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

It seems unfair that you should be penalised for your ex's decision to more to a more expensive area and hence need a larger share of the former matrimonial home proceeds. At least the judge seems to be taking some of that on board and not just agreeing to what she wants.


If the offers are not miles apart it seems mad for your ex wife not to agree on a compromise particularly if she may end up paying your costs if the judge rules against her.

Thanks yes this is the point and the judge did point out the additional costs of going to a final hearing and if possible to avoid. My final offer was more than I wanted to give, as I've said earlier, but it was in the hope of bringing closure. In her shoes she would have to believe and have advice that I dictated a significant improvement is possible. I'm Inclined to say to her that the guidelines the judge gave was that she shouldn't have so much of the cash but have pension share and and long term maintenance. So if we go to final hearing likely outcome is less cash than I'm offering plus the expense of it all. However we know we are not dealing with one of reasonable mind and her solicitor has demonstrated activity to generate fees. So I wouldn't be surprised if he advised her to push for more?

Lunar_Eclipse

I wouldn't tell her any upside (possibly pension share & LT maintenance) but only downside (less cash) if you must. Personally I would probably avoid any communication.

I would also hold fire on your offer. It is unbelievably generous in my opinion (as a woman.) The equity split is hugely in her favour.

Of course I'm not a judge (so could be way off the mark in terms of their thinking) but am disgusted with how slow, money sucking and biased your experience has been. It's shocking.

kelpie35

Have to agree 100% with you Lunar.

Next she will be wanting Jack to live off of bread and water under a bridge for the rest of his life.

Words cannot describe how angry and sad I feel for Jack.

enthusiasticsaver

Let us hope she sees sense then.

JackRS

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I wouldn't tell her any upside (possibly pension share & LT maintenance) but only downside (less cash) if you must. Personally I would probably avoid any communication.

I would also hold fire on your offer. It is unbelievably generous in my opinion (as a woman.) The equity split is hugely in her favour.

Of course I'm not a judge (so could be way off the mark in terms of their thinking) but am disgusted with how slow, money sucking and biased your experience has been. It's shocking.

I'm in agreement with you, I'm not in any communication with anyone just now and I don't suspect to hear anything for some time. I suspect the first thing I'll get is an alternative proposal from her requesting more than my final offer which I won't accept.