Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

ampersand wrote: »

Have written several times, but couldn't trust myself to post 'nicely'.

Do you yet know why you had to make do with waffly parachuted substitute?
Any explanation re: absence of original Judge [assumed it was T----n, maybe wrongly]
#
How are you atm Jack?

No explanation but whatever the reason it doesn't change the current situation but it does just add to my frustration with the whole thing.

How am I? Thanks for your support and concern. I'm frustrated with the whole legal system but I won't be the first or the last to feel that. I know it's a wasted energy and as so many have suggested I need to find the positives in all this. I'm not feeling as suicidal as I was last year so I can say I'm feeling stronger but at the same time defeated as even if she accepts my final offer it doesn't feel fair. I contacted IFA today with my financial situation to see what mortgage options I have and obviously the SM will have an impact. I continue not to sleep hence writing at this hour in an attempt to release the frustration. I told my boss today about my pending divorce, up to now I've kept the whole thing secret from work. I was trying to not let it affect things and maybe tell them when it was sorted as I didn't want people making a fuss or allowances for me. I have my yearly appraisal next week which I know won't be great I've not been very focused and have struggled with motivation. He thanked me for sharing it and offered support.

JackRS

wannabe_credit_free wrote: »

Jack, you could easily turn your thread into a book, just a thought, might make a few bob, pay off the ex....:D

If only I could write and know the difference between effect and affect.....

Lunar_Eclipse

JackRS wrote: »

even if she accepts my final offer it doesn't feel fair.

Because sadly, it isn't fair.

I'm so sorry you feel the way you do Jack. Keep going, you're nearly there.

And your posts have provided much inspiration on how to handle things, but a warning about the divorce process.

kelpie35

It is very unfair, Jack. I'm sure karma will come back to bite.

It is good that you have been able to open up to your boss about the nightmare you have been going through.I know you are a proud man and don't wish to burden anyone with your troubles, but I am sure you are a well respected employee so accept the support offered.

Stay strong, take care my thoughts and prayers are with you

justme111

If it does affect your mortgage chances then it should be submitted to judge. Admirable that you manage to question your legal team , that would be one of my worst nightmares -having to rely on people I do not trust , I don't think I would have found strength to question them. Sorry to hear you felt suicidal last year , feels like we on here failed .
On another hand I would like to tell you off for that - I am sure you realise feeling like that due to disputed equity split is very shameful! :beer:

JackRS

justme111 wrote: »

If it does affect your mortgage chances then it should be submitted to judge. Admirable that you manage to question your legal team , that would be one of my worst nightmares -having to rely on people I do not trust , I don't think I would have found strength to question them. Sorry to hear you felt suicidal last year , feels like we on here failed .
On another hand I would like to tell you off for that - I am sure you realise feeling like that due to disputed equity split is very shameful! :beer:

It wasn't really the equity split that made me feel like that it was how I wasn't enjoying any aspect of life and had no real hope for the future, I'd taken this big life changing step to find a happier place but I couldn't see any light at the end of the long tunnel etc....

vroombroom

JackRS wrote: »

It wasn't really the equity split that made me feel like that it was how I wasn't enjoying any aspect of life and had no real hope for the future, I'd taken this big life changing step to find a happier place but I couldn't see any light at the end of the long tunnel etc....

But a year on and you are almost there. Jack you have my utmost respect. How you have managed to remain calm (to a point:eek:) and dignified is inspiring.

justme111

JackRS wrote: »

It wasn't really the equity split that made me feel like that it was how I wasn't enjoying any aspect of life and had no real hope for the future, I'd taken this big life changing step to find a happier place but I couldn't see any light at the end of the long tunnel etc....

I know it was not strictly speaking an equity split. I used that wording to highlight that our perception of life is formed as a result of experiences and often if we don't question what exactly affects us deeply in our experiences we end up missing a chance to become a better person.. And/or to live happier life when we realise whatever experiences we have don't have to affect us in the way they do...

beanielou

Im so glad that you were able to speak to your boss.
Keep plodding.

duchy

The battle was certainly harder and longer than you ever imagined and the unfairness of it all when you tried to be as reasonable as possible certainly did backfire- however deep down you know that had you acted the git from day one -refused to pay a penny above CSA levels and had taken the car back - she wouldn't have being any less difficult -and you'd have felt you'd let yourself and your principles down- so ultimately you did what you had to do.

Yes we can wonder if without the financial cushion she might have pushed the house sale harder....or even found work or agreed to a settlement more quickly - but ultimately you are who you are and so is she .

When you look back on this time - you'll wonder how the heck you got through it - but you'll also know you stayed true to yourself and were decent -and can look yourself in the mirror.

The one thing you can be sure of is from the way she has behaved - you did the right thing leaving her - as life would not have got any better once the kids left home and it was just the two of you.