Separated, how much should I provide?

ZiggerZagger

Hi JackRS


I have just come out the end of a divorce. Consent Order currently with the court now. Took 2 years to agree it all.


My ex-h downgraded his job just after we split up so when we went through all the financial stuff I out-earned him.


I have worked full time and looked after the kids through the marriage. I paid for all the childcare despite us earning the same amount (when we were together). But that didn't count for much because of him having a much lower salary than me on the split.


Because of that, when the numbers got finalised, even though I was staying in the house and bearing all responsibility for looking after the children, there was talk of me paying him spousal maintenance.


Anyway, in the end we have settled it with
a) him keeping all his pensions (I have none as he had a final salary one that was so generous there was barely a point in me having one). This is a biggy given our ages.
b) me buying him out of the house (I am paying him about 40% value)
c) I have kept the car but it has finance left on it and needs a bit of work (thread in motoring!)


He isn't paying me child maintenance. He is claiming he can't afford it at the moment. It's nonsense but it has taken such a long time to get to this point that I'll only pursue it once the Consent Order is issued.....


If I wasn't working, chances are I would have got half his pensions, the car and got to stay in the house (with joint ownership).


I do feel I've been penalised for working hard my whole life but just wanted to let you know, it isn't only men who feel hard done by in divorce

ZiggerZagger

and PS the only people who come out of this process smiling are the lawyers. 2 years of lawyers fees - cost a small fortune

JackRS

ZiggerZagger wrote: »

and PS the only people who come out of this process smiling are the lawyers. 2 years of lawyers fees - cost a small fortune

Yes we won't be the first or the last to say that. That is why we are referred to as the fee earner by the lawyers.

Thank you for taking the time to explain your experience, it seems every situation is different but it does seem that society seems to reward those who don't work and punish those that do. I realize it's a very small minority that choose not to work and many are trying very hard to get work and it's those that should be supported to find work and develop their skills as it could very easily be me....

rpc

JackRS wrote: »

it seems every situation is different but it does seem that society seems to reward those who don't work and punish those that do.

Those that play the game, will win it when playing against someone who isn't. Whether it is the financial settlement in divorce or avoiding CSA by going self employed or whatever. The system is shortsighted because it can't cope with the workload that would be required for complete justice - in any case that often comes down to he said, she said.

Those with a bit more moral fibre might lose a particular fight in monetary terms, but IMHO their approach to life will put them on top in the big picture.

Marisco

rpc wrote: »

Those with a bit more moral fibre might lose a particular fight in monetary terms, but IMHO their approach to life will put them on top in the big picture.

Not much consolation when the ex has taken everything, and you end up with no pot to urinate in though!!

justme111

Marisco wrote: »

Not much consolation when the ex has taken everything, and you end up with no pot to urinate in though!!

Dare I say moral fibre is far more important than a pot to !!!! in. Specially for men
Jokes aside -neither ziggarzagger no jack appear to be destitute so no need for the end of the world alarm in my opinion.

victory

jackrs I was following your thread from the beginning, not posted for an age but I do hope that you managed to finally,FINALLY come to the end and you end up very happy and settled with someone else that will bring you lots of love, happiness and fun, you sure could do with some.

JackRS

Thankyou for your email. I did have a nice time thank you but I chose thewrong week – it was freezing!

Iappreciate that the Deputy District Judge had not had sufficient time to readthe papers. Mr T tells me that as she had not done so, both himselfand ex barrister made lengthy submissions to ensure she was aware of thekey facts of your case.

Ican put forward alternative proposals now if that is what you would prefer todo. Once your offer has been accepted it would be very difficult, if notimpossible, to retract that offer and renegotiate something different. Iwould not want to put you in that position. However, the offer has, ineffect, been made at the FDR and it was indicated to ex barrister thatthe offer would be put in writing. ex did not reject the offer at thehearing but wanted to have more time to consider it.

Iam happy to re-draft the letter of offer if you wish for me to do so.

Inthe event you do want the letter to go, I have now amended the draft letter inaccordance with your instructions by way of track changes so that theamendments are clear. The only provision I have not included is inrelation to the spousal maintenance being reviewed if your employmentchanges. I cannot see that ex solicitor will agree to such aprovision being put into the order. If you are unable to make the spousalmaintenance payments, it would be your obligation at that point in time toapply to the Court to vary the order. We would, of course, write toex before doing so, explain the circumstances and ask her to agree such avariation. This would hopefully avoid the costs of making such anapplication.

Lets_say

Very disappointed for you Jack that your update isn't of a positive nature given we are two weeks past court date, although I appreciate offer hasn't gone in writing yet.

Hope you are able to relax and enjoy some 'you' time over the weekend.

JackRS

Thank you, yes this week would have been agood week to have off.

I think youare suggesting that the offer contained in the letter is reasonable and theappropriate thing to do with a chance of getting agreement. So based on that assumption please issue thatletter today, I do not want any further delays, it’s been 2 weeks since the FDRso she would effectively have 4 weeks to consider. I suspect she may well come back with analternative proposal but this offer is already one that I am not happy with,therefore if it’s not accepted we will have to go to final hearing. In the meantime is it possible to set thefinal hearing up or will that incur costs and it would be more cost efficientto wait 2 more weeks? I’d like tominimise any further delays.

In terms ofdecree absolute Mr. T indicated to me that because Nisi was back inNovember 2013 she would have to answer 3 basic questions. Is there anything I can do to get that movingor to ensure it happens? Could it beadded as one of the conditions of the offer e.g. applies for absolute within 2 weeks or something,otherwise I feel it’ll drift on as she has no incentive to and may be trying toget me to apply so I have the costs?