Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

kelpie35 wrote: »

I might be wrong, but does the car lease not stop next month?

If that is the case I really think you should cancel it and let her buy her own one with all the money she is getting.

I know Jack that money does not buy you happiness, I am sorry to say this but you are the one who has worked to provide, for your family, for a very long time, so why should you be left with almost nothing.

I know you just want an end to this nightmare but you need to look after number 1 now.

I feel so sad and upset for you and can only offer you a big virtual (((hug)))

Thanks Kelpie35 appreciate the hug
I need to check when I get back to work when car change is but I've not been notification to order replacement just yet, it's normally at least a month before it's due?

JackRS

duchy wrote: »

At this point I think I'd withdraw from the solicitors - you have all the paperwork - and simply engage a barrister for the hearing .

Yes I was thinking that the barrister advised me against it as he said now with legal aid has worked on a number of cases where documents submitted not met criteria etc but I suspect a bit of looking after his own....?

JackRS

barbiedoll wrote: »

I'm absolutely shocked that your offer was not accepted. Most of the proceeds of the house sale AND free cash for 3 years AND a car?

This is for a healthy, not-quite-middle-aged woman (younger than me from what I can gather, I'm 50, I work full-time and pay for my own car...and I'm still married!) who has no children to support and no reason not to use her two legs, or public transport to get wherever she wants to go.

Jack, it looks like you'll be paying for a car either way. A little tip: If you get to choose the car, pick a Kia Picanto, with the smallest engine and 4 doors. I've got one on lease, it was the cheapest option. It's a perfectly good car, you can carry 4 adults and several bags of [STRIKE]cash[/STRIKE] shopping in it easily. She won't be winning any races at the lights when driving it but that's not your problem.

I like the "3 years" option, at least you'll have an end date to this madness and start to plan your life accordingly. Good luck for next time around. Hope your weekend goes well!

Thanks barbiedoll you may have some useful info for me what do you pay monthly for your lease car? Is there any down payment/deposit?
How long do you keep it for and what happens when you return it?
Is insurance, roadtax, servicing included in the price? It would be useful to know the full details so I can compare and maybe indicate the true value of providing the car. If you'd rather not share the info with all please PM me.

Thank you

JackRS

comeandgo wrote: »

When my husband divorced his previous wife a monthly maintenance payment was requested of £500 a month. They settled on £100 a month until she reached retirement age and this was given as a lump sum along with the other half house and she got a car too though it was a second hand one. Could you try and offer her a reduced amount per month but give it as a lump sum?

Thanks for your advice comeandgo
It seems that more cash now is her priority hence her asking for 220k and no car option with SM at £650 for 6 years. However I need as much of cash now as possible to clear my debts and for a 25% deposit so I'm reluctant to suggest more capital in place of SM.

JackRS

Wol2 wrote: »

Hi Jack

Like others I'm still reeling at this frustrating turn of events for you........Needless to say, the bottle in the fridge with your name on it is going to stay well and truly shut until you are "finally free" to party :cool:

Would you mind giving a few details on what the deal is with the car over 3 years? Is this still providing a car via your work scheme and if so what would be the monthly cost to yourself? I know you've previously mentioned the cost - but that was many months and thread pages ago!!

(Sorry if this sounds too nosey - but it has suddenly occurred to me that, depending upon the figures, I may be able to suggest an alternative, more cost effective solution for you that might also "really float her [STRIKE]boat[/STRIKE] aircraft carrier )

Hoping you get some time to "switch off from all this" over the Easter holiday to recharge your batteries.....stay strong!
xxx

Hi and thanks Wol2
I may have written earlier today but to recap
Current car cost me £185/m out of my net salary. It includes everything except fuel and is limited to 1800 miles. It's renewed each year and the choice varies each year depending what's available. If it was 12000miles would be £155/m.

JackRS

Floxxie wrote: »

Sorry I have been absent for far too long but have caught up with your thread.

Did you ever post a thread on Wikivorce with your details in terms of assets etc. for legal consideration? I noted that you had put info into the calculator (it is not very effective).

This is your chance to finish the marriage once and for all and move on with your life. It is not about your children (they are definitely not children) and neither is it about the ex-wife, who is more than capable of starting over again, but is trying her hardest to play the victim.

What it is about is you beginning your new life and being able to live; not having the feeling of phew I got rid of her but sh** I cannot live properly and I have a pile of debt to service. The former is possibly the greater feeling but the latter will certainly be felt once the deal is done.

So please take the position (as most judges will) that a clean break is best and that means no ongoing SM, no cars, no link whatsoever with the ex...but do not give away everything so you cannot live or have a life in future. You made choices as she did and you do not need to suffer and feel guilty because of them. Treat this as a business transaction and remove any emotional feeling.

P.S. I eventually managed to divorce with financial settlement on August 1 2014. It is easy for me to write about 'what to do' but I still remember those feelings of utter helplessness.

Good luck

Thanks Floxxie

Yes I did put figures on wikivorce but noone could give me any advice

spender

Jack. I feel you are so wanting this to be sorted you are giving ridiculous amounts. Stop increasing the offer you will be in penury This may be a race that the tortoise will win. Offer a LOW figure so the increases are not so high. Don't rush in because you want this to be over and be over generous

Clean break no cars etc. as much as it may pain you you must be firm to secure your future

I did not take from my first marriage I was broke but I survived. Your ex will as well

justme111

Any chance that judge could advocate sm as he was not aware your ex already had it for a few years ?
She is unlikely to accept whatever you put in there. Its just that lower offer with then be starting point in negotiation. I am not sure what better to do , i guess there is no way to know, just chose what you feel like more and don't second guess. Ps. I would have tried to negotiate with her again on onr to one behind a glass of wine , I accept not many would

JackRS

justme111 wrote: »

Any chance that judge could advocate sm as he was not aware your ex already had it for a few years ?
She is unlikely to accept whatever you put in there. Its just that lower offer with then be starting point in negotiation. I am not sure what better to do , i guess there is no way to know, just chose what you feel like more and don't second guess. Ps. I would have tried to negotiate with her again on onr to one behind a glass of wine , I accept not many would

Thanks again justme111

Her barrister told the judge what I had paid and that I reduced to CSA level October 2014. The same judge is not aloud to hear the final hearing so it's all 'without prejudice'

Don't forget ex is not even looking at me let alone willing to talk, so the chances of discussing over a drink are about the same as me winning the lottery or worse than if I buy a ticket 😉

kelpie35

Jack I don't know how best to advise you, but I really think you are being too generous in your offer.

You have to now think of yourself and your future.

After you have paid off all the debt this nightmare has caused you, you are not going to be left with enough to fund a simple lifestyle.

You have been more than generous over the last two years and now it has to come to an end.

By the way have you been discussing any of this with your daughter and if so what are her thoughts on the matter. I know you don't wish to involve your children in all this mess and only want the best for both of them, but you really need some family support at this time.

Please try to stay strong, take care.