Separated, how much should I provide?

RAS

Jack

Basically you are between a rock and a hard place and can only hope that the squeeze is not to hard.

Has your lawyer thought about the implications of delaying the divorce for 2 years? What impact would that have on her rights going forward?

I appreciate that she would still get the spousal allowance for a while. The kids (assuming that they go on to university) would be massively better off re grants if they are assessed on her income rather than yours as they would get nothiong or next to nothing on your income.

The eldest should not really be an issue re child support unless your ex is still able to claim Child Benefit for her. The last date for that is 20th birthday, even if they have not yet completed their level 3 (A Level etc) course.

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

Jack

Basically you are between a rock and a hard place and can only hope that the squeeze is not to hard.

Has your lawyer thought about the implications of delaying the divorce for 2 years? What impact would that have on her rights going forward?

I appreciate that she would still get the spousal allowance for a while. The kids (assuming that they go on to university) would be massively better off re grants if they are assessed on her income rather than yours as they would get nothiong or next to nothing on your income.

The eldest should not really be an issue re child support unless your ex is still able to claim Child Benefit for her. The last date for that is 20th birthday, even if they have not yet completed their level 3 (A Level etc) course.

Kids aren't going to uni. She's 20 in 3 weeks.

RAS

JackRS wrote: »

Kids aren't going to uni. She's 20 in 3 weeks.

Well in that case, I suspect thaty a court would assume that your responsibility for her ends soon, if it has not already done so.

Son- wife probably still entitled to claim for him until he finishes the college course in July 2015. Not thereafter.

At that point your would not be expected to help maintain a roof over their heads (even if you might be prepared to voluntarily help out). So she has every incentive to divorce quickly as time is running out for her.

justme111

I feel for you a lot , op. Kids pill is probably one of the worst ones , I know a guy who has not got over it in a few years after divorce , hurt at relationship breakdown with them and hatred towards ex who tried to skin him in divorce affected his life to such an extent those two are pretty much the first things he think about when he wakes up and the last thoughts before falling asleep. I did like that guy a lot but he is in a relatio.ship material due to this mess unfortunately.
I wish you better luck with it and I despise vehemently women that see kids like their extension and do not try their best to contribute to a good relationship with father despite their hurt.

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

Well in that case, I suspect thaty a court would assume that your responsibility for her ends soon, if it has not already done so.

Son- wife probably still entitled to claim for him until he finishes the college course in July 2015. Not thereafter.

At that point your would not be expected to help maintain a roof over their heads (even if you might be prepared to voluntarily help out). So she has every incentive to divorce quickly as time is running out for her.

So divorce will be after daughter is 20 but I don't understand what difference it'll make if it was after son is 18 if they are both in full time education?

JackRS

justme111 wrote: »

I feel for you a lot , op. Kids pill is probably one of the worst ones , I know a guy who has not got over it in a few years after divorce , hurt at relationship breakdown with them and hatred towards ex who tried to skin him in divorce affected his life to such an extent those two are pretty much the first things he think about when he wakes up and the last thoughts before falling asleep. I did like that guy a lot but he is in a relatio.ship material due to this mess unfortunately.
I wish you better luck with it and I despise vehemently women that see kids like their extension and do not try their best to contribute to a good relationship with father despite their hurt.

Thanks, yeah the reason I've not left previously was due to the children waiting for the rigth time for them but there is no right time it's always going to be devastating.

flipper_72

Hi, I can't add to the advice on here but give you my sympathy. Reason for message is to give the child's perspective, my dh was 18 when his dad left his mum, it really screwed him up that they had been living a lie and he had to redo his first year of uni because of the way it affected him. His younger sibling took it all in his stride although neither of them saw or spoke to their dad for a while ( a couple of years for dh). It took a while but he now has a very good relationship with his dad, his dad didn't stop the one sided contact in all the time he didn't want anything to do with him and I think this helped dh to eventually see it as a good thing and reinstall contact.

JackRS

flipper_72 wrote: »

Hi, I can't add to the advice on here but give you my sympathy. Reason for message is to give the child's perspective, my dh was 18 when his dad left his mum, it really screwed him up that they had been living a lie and he had to redo his first year of uni because of the way it affected him. His younger sibling took it all in his stride although neither of them saw or spoke to their dad for a while ( a couple of years for dh). It took a while but he now has a very good relationship with his dad, his dad didn't stop the one sided contact in all the time he didn't want anything to do with him and I think this helped dh to eventually see it as a good thing and reinstall contact.

Thank you, I will continue to try but need to give them space.

JackRS

Just found this example, is this typical? Can anyone advise how a spouse maintenance/allowance is calculated. My ex hasn’t worked in many years so I can imagine will be awarded a sizeable sum plus allowance for children both in FTE.?

Post from a solicitors forum:
My husband has a court order to pay his wife £789 per month for the rest of her life until she remarries/dies and then, on his retirment, she is entitled to a third of his pension as maintenance. He also pays approx £400 per month each for his 2 children (ages 18 and 14). We married 4 years ago and I earn Approx £36k net per annum and my husband earns approx £45k net per annum. He also has debts of £42k, which were jointly amassed during the marriage, for which he took full responsibility. They were married for 12 years and divorced 9 years ago. His ex-wife works part-time as peripatetic music teacher and earns approx £10k net per annum. She also receives child benefit and tax credits.

RAS

And how old is that case???????????

Your children are not children any more; the eldest is 20 (all but) and your wife can no longer cliam Child Benefit. Your younger "child" will shortly be 18 but will be in FTE for 2 more years.

I believe that consent orders are actually only valid for a year anyway, so this man could open a CSA case tomorrow and pay 20% of his net income; try a pm to pigpen as she has experience from the other side.