Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

Deeeliteful wrote: »

Can I ask, I know it is none of my business, but why would she be getting such a large part of the equity, can you not re-negotiate for half? Please say yes!

It doesn't make sense to me.

Yes the starting point is 50/50 with the house, however aspart of mediation last summer we were advise that the judge would be looking todivide the assets to ensure suitable housing . The mediation broke down because I wouldn’t agree to her proposal ofrequiring £230K from house sale so she could buy a property mortgage free onthe south coast close to her parents. Atthat time I suggested that it would be possible for her to find suitable housingat £200K and gave examples of such properties and if she wanted a moreexpensive property she would need to earn some money and take out a mortgagelike everyone else has to. She took thismessage to my son telling him basically that his dad didn’t them to have a nice house to live inand from that point he has not replied to my communication. I have been informed that a judge wouldconsider that because I am able to take out a large mortgage then my suitablehousing could be achieved.

So obviously it is not fair for me to have to loose a largeportion of the house without something in return. The other asset is my pension, so the idea isshe would have the majority share in the house but in lieu of any pensionshare. This is what the actuaries reportis currently calculating, what is the cash value today of the pension share. From this, effectively I will be making acash payment to her from my 50% of the house sale, so the up shot could be shegets 70% of house but has no share of my pension. However they are currently disputing that itis not enough as they feel the pension share should be more but ultimately it’sonly the actuaries report that confirm that (lots of complexities)

My view is that actually the cash now is worth more to methan a pension in 15 years or so. However I was prepared to let it go on the understanding that thereshould be no maintenance payments however they are not agreeing to thatproposal. This why we are going to theFDR so the judge can decide. I may haveto accept maintenance for a number of years but if that is the case then I’mnot happy about letting the cash now go, hence the whole debate. My solicitor is advising me keeping mypension is an advantage in the long run which I understand, but it’s a long wayoff before that comes into play.

duchy

Unless she is proposing to divide the home contents equally (as they are joint marital property) then I'd suggest that in lieu of your "share" she pays the cost of storage/removal.

She really needs to get out of this mindset of "What is Jack's is mine and what mine is mine" The fact you have countered her absurd offer with a reasonable (and generous) one can only do you good and show the judge her mindset -as part of the bigger picture.

Don't get angry - get smart and let this piece of the jigsaw be an advantage to you.

Marisco

JackRS wrote: »

Yes the starting point is 50/50 with the house, however aspart of mediation last summer we were advise that the judge would be looking todivide the assets to ensure suitable housing . The mediation broke down because I wouldn’t agree to her proposal ofrequiring £230K from house sale so she could buy a property mortgage free onthe south coast close to her parents. Atthat time I suggested that it would be possible for her to find suitable housingat £200K and gave examples of such properties and if she wanted a moreexpensive property she would need to earn some money and take out a mortgagelike everyone else has to. She took thismessage to my son telling him basically that his dad didn’t them to have a nice house to live inand from that point he has not replied to my communication. I have been informed that a judge wouldconsider that because I am able to take out a large mortgage then my suitablehousing could be achieved.

So obviously it is not fair for me to have to loose a largeportion of the house without something in return. The other asset is my pension, so the idea isshe would have the majority share in the house but in lieu of any pensionshare. This is what the actuaries reportis currently calculating, what is the cash value today of the pension share. From this, effectively I will be making acash payment to her from my 50% of the house sale, so the up shot could be shegets 70% of house but has no share of my pension. However they are currently disputing that itis not enough as they feel the pension share should be more but ultimately it’sonly the actuaries report that confirm that (lots of complexities)

My view is that actually the cash now is worth more to methan a pension in 15 years or so. However I was prepared to let it go on the understanding that thereshould be no maintenance payments however they are not agreeing to thatproposal. This why we are going to theFDR so the judge can decide. I may haveto accept maintenance for a number of years but if that is the case then I’mnot happy about letting the cash now go, hence the whole debate. My solicitor is advising me keeping mypension is an advantage in the long run which I understand, but it’s a long wayoff before that comes into play.

You know what Jack, I am so bloody mad reading this!! I know it's not sensible, but I'd be very tempted to flog the house and use every penny fighting the biatch in court about maintenance, and then give up my job just so she gets nowt!! :mad: What the hell is wrong with the greedy cow? God, women like this gold digger give the rest of us a bad name!

Your solicitor is correct re your pension. I came to an agreement with my ex about his pension, but there again I had no intention of going after it anyway, he's the one who paid into it, and I didn't want to be beholden to him for the rest of my life, unlike your ex I've got a bit of dignity and self respect! A clean break is better all round. Oh, and your pension will come round quicker than you think, I speak from experience!!

Deeeliteful

JackRS

Thank you for replying to my question, I wasn't expecting such a detailed response, but I do thank you for doing that. I have been through what you are now doing i.e. a divorce and I wouldn't think the judge is going to be so generous to her as you may think.

I think we as women have to be fair in these types of situations, but when emotions come into these situations it all goes wrong. I don't like to hear of people being "ripped off", but this has all the hallmarks of that. Maybe you have the new case on your side where the judge has effectively told the ex-wife to go and get a job - google it, if not already aware of it, only recent - end of the gravy train for women I think lawyers are saying for men who are higher earners.

I emplore you please, please, please ensure you ex-wife does not try to claim spousal maintenance as if awarded you could/would be paying this for the rest of your life - google that too, if not already aware.

The above is happening to someone I know, but it is her soon to be ex-husband who is trying to have this awarded to him - for life if possible.

Women everywhere, be careful what we wish for, we what "equality", but there is always a price to pay for everything, as you can see the men are fighting back as they have paying through the nose for everything and are not taking kindly to all their hard earned money being "taken" and them being used as essentially "cash cows" it's not nice.

JackRS

Deeeliteful wrote: »

JackRS

Thank you for replying to my question, I wasn't expecting such a detailed response, but I do thank you for doing that. I have been through what you are now doing i.e. a divorce and I wouldn't think the judge is going to be so generous to her as you may think.

I think we as women have to be fair in these types of situations, but when emotions come into these situations it all goes wrong. I don't like to hear of people being "ripped off", but this has all the hallmarks of that. Maybe you have the new case on your side where the judge has effectively told the ex-wife to go and get a job - google it, if not already aware of it, only recent - end of the gravy train for women I think lawyers are saying for men who are higher earners.

I emplore you please, please, please ensure you ex-wife does not try to claim spousal maintenance as if awarded you could/would be paying this for the rest of your life - google that too, if not already aware.

The above is happening to someone I know, but it is her soon to be ex-husband who is trying to have this awarded to him - for life if possible.

Women everywhere, be careful what we wish for, we what "equality", but there is always a price to pay for everything, as you can see the men are fighting back as they have paying through the nose for everything and are not taking kindly to all their hard earned money being "taken" and them being used as essentially "cash cows" it's not nice.

Thanks for those comments and yes I was aware of that recent case it's mentioned on some earlier posts some pages back.

My counter proposal to their original request is clear, clean brake no pension share no maintenance and she gets over £200K to buy a place mortgage free. She's had over 2 years to adjust a prepare herself while being financed.

thorsoak

JackRS wrote: »

Well don't forget it's her only income, I reduced what I was paying from £1150pcm to just the CSA £650pcm from October 2014. She is living in the house mortgage free and I provide her with a car but as she doesn't work (yet....) has no other income.

Jack - I read your thread and wince .....but I don't think I've ever posted - just "liked" posts - but please, please reassure us - you're not going to continue providing her with a car, are you? I sincerely hope not!

Deeeliteful

JackRS

The problem is or what I have found out when calling Wikidivorce on my friend's behalf is this, because you are effectively paying for everything now, that is taken as an indication that you can pay or earn enough for the other party to be paid/claim spousal maintenance.

You can capitalise the spousal maintenance i.e. pay it in a lump sum and have a clean break scenario like you have spoken above

Whenever you attend Court good luck to you and hope you get an judgement/outcome that is in your favour so you can move forward with you life.

You sound like a fair person - in the words of Pharrell Williams - Just a cloud away - see Fiat advert if don't know what I am talking about, part of the song states "this rainy day is temporary" and you will come out of this the bigger person and smiling.

Take care, enjoy you life.

JackRS

thorsoak wrote: »

Jack - I read your thread and wince .....but I don't think I've ever posted - just "liked" posts - but please, please reassure us - you're not going to continue providing her with a car, are you? I sincerely hope not!

So my proposal was the £204K from the house including contents, clean break, that's it, CSA finishes in June, the current car is due to be returned in May, so that's it.

We're 3 weeks from FDR and so far she has not submitted a response to that proposal so looks like she will leave to the judge to decide.

kelpie35

It still breaks my heart to know how your son is reacting to your break up.

I have faith to believe that he will turn his thoughts around, I just pray it is sooner rather than later.

3 weeks 3 days to go Jack

Keep strong and take care.

Mojisola

Deeeliteful wrote: »

The problem is or what I have found out when calling Wikidivorce on my friend's behalf is this, because you are effectively paying for everything now, that is taken as an indication that you can pay or earn enough for the other party to be paid/claim spousal maintenance.

The debts that Jack has had to run up in order to keep paying his ex her money show very clearly that he can't afford to continue with maintenance.