Separated, how much should I provide?

barbiedoll

olibrofiz wrote: »

barbiedoll wrote: »

What with the inept solicitors and the grasping ex both bleeding Jack dry, I doubt that he could afford to set up a bog roll in a bathroom suite, let alone a "stunner in a penthouse suite"! :mad:
QUOTE]

Sorry barbiedoll, angry face unnecessary if it was aimed at me - apols to anyone else that read my comment the wrong way.

Oh gosh, no... It wasn't aimed at you at all!

A few of us have been with this thread from the beginning and we're just dismayed at the ex's refusal to make any attempt to move on and think about supporting herself. Jack pays out huge sums for a lease car for his ex, along with child support and spousal maintenance. Ex is happy to keep taking his money but not so happy about having to think about the future. We can understand that she has been dealt a major, life-changing blow but after two years, she needs to dust herself off and start moving on.

Jack meanwhile, has spent the best part of two years, paying huge sums to solicitors without a single thing to show for it.

Hence the "bathroom suite" comment!

Sorry for the confusion!

olibrofiz

Ah that's ok then, my words sometimes come out wrong 'on paper'. Yes, got the gist of what JackRs experiencing, I find it hard to comprehend people like his ex. Will watch on with fingers crossed and well wishes.

supersaver2

duchy wrote: »

And with all the stuff going on at the moment I think Jack is wise to pick his battles ......and moaning on about manners to a lad who is been fed poison not just from his mother but also his maternal grandparents who he currently lives with is a battle that he is unlikely win and in the bigger picture hardly essential at this point..

I'm not saying start a battle but if it were me the generous presents would stop. Jack is being treated poorly and being walked all over. The split happened long enough ago for his adult son to act his age and learn some manners. You can't buy love and I would be tempted to say enough is enough to the ex and the son.

duchy

and as always on this thread .....everyone's opinion is respected


(although after a split what can seem like a reasonable request can often lead to war !!)

barbiedoll

JackRS wrote: »

Thanks no my son is still not responding, I got him 2 tickets for premiership football match for New Years day for the team he supports and some spending money. I wrote that I'd love to go with him but no response. I know he did like it as he posted on twitter that it was his best present and hat a great day it was but no reply. It's his birthday in 3 weeks so I'll continue to provide and keep sending my love.

Does he know that you watch his Twitter account, are you "following" him?

Looking at it from a different angle, maybe he wanted you to know that he loved the present but he couldn't find another way of telling you this, without upsetting his mum? She may well be using emotional blackmail to get him to ignore you. If he hated you that much, he would have sent the tickets back, surely?

I do think that it is very rude of your ex not to insist that your son acknowledge the present though, no matter what has happened between you and her. When my parents split up, my mum always made sure that we wrote "thank you" letters, both to my dad and to his relatives if they sent any presents/cash etc. Even though she hated her in-laws!

justme111

If jack stops presents now then it would look like he tried to buy his son's love , it did not work so he stopped the presents as it did not work.
if jack sends the presents because he wants to do something nice for his son then there is no reason to stop. Nothing changed. His son was ignoring him before , he does so now. Why stop ? Because presents were sent so as to put the son on a spot and either make him break the silence or appear as a rude person ?

quidsy

I do think that it is very rude of your ex not to insist that your son
acknowledge the present though, no matter what has happened between you and her.
When my parents split up, my mum always made sure that we wrote "thank you"
letters, both to my dad and to his relatives if they sent any presents/cash etc.
Even though she hated her in-laws!

the son doesn't live with the ex. And also, he is basically a grown man already, he should know when to thank people for presents off his own back. I don't really see how the ex is at fault in this situation!

Mojisola

quidsy wrote: »

the son doesn't live with the ex. And also, he is basically a grown man already, he should know when to thank people for presents off his own back. I don't really see how the ex is at fault in this situation!

Having seen how determined Jack's ex has been to get her own way in the financial settlement, I can imagine that she could be putting her son under a lot of pressure as well.

I would hope that barbiedoll's post has the answer. If I was Jack, I would carry on in the same way until the divorce is over and the dust has settled and then work on the relationship with his son.

quidsy

Having seen how determined Jack's ex has been to get her own way in the
financial settlement, I can imagine that she could be putting her son under a
lot of pressure as well.

I don't want to get into this too much but there has been no mention at all that she even knew about the tickets. I've changed the post above to look at it a different way;

Having been told by jackrs, how determined the ex has been to get her own way in the financial settlement, I speculate based on one side of a story & no actual fact, that she could be putting her son under a lot of pressure as well.

The situation with the son is one jack just needs to ride out. He may be getting pressure from mum, he may just be sick of both of them. No one knows. But he is old enough to show proper manners without it being his mothers fault.

kezzygirl

Jack, I think your ex needs to get over herself, grow up and start acting with some dignity.


Expecting her ex husband to fund her lifestyle as if she is some celeb is ridiculous. What's more, surely she should have enough about her to want to be independent and do things herself? Not to have to rely on the ex for 'maintenance'.


She needs to grow up, get a job (like everybody else) and start behaving like a grown woman, not a pathetic character who is still living in 1940. Its as if the women's movement never happened!


She should be grateful to be getting whatever share of the house sale and be thankful she has furniture so that she can furnish her new house.pathetic.


Apologies, I have been following this thread and its been irritating me that she has no back bone.