Separated, how much should I provide?

justme111

Well at least you will know what solicitors not go with again when you need solicitors again

olibrofiz

Hope it's ok commenting so late, and that I won't be flamed for my thoughts. I've seen this thread title pop up now and then, but didn't read it as thought others on here may have said 'the skin off your back' given some threads I HAVE read.


I get that the £1150 the OP is giving his ex as a voluntary contribution includes, in his eyes, £650 child support as per CSA guidelines of 15% of his income - but is this actually crystal clear to his ex? Just wondering this as I get the impression she sees the £1150 as a voluntary contribution of SM, for her. Surely the sols can only push for £500 SM, as effectively that is all the OP is providing for his ex?


If she does know that £650 is CS, it would be interesting to see how much she transfers to son or GP's pm for sons support (regardless of the GP's being loaded). After all, he's not in the FMH, so she's not keeping a roof over his head, which is what I thought maintenance was for, ie: the absent parent to contribute to that.


Given the %'s mentioned I get the feeling the ex sees the OP as living in clover each month on his % (3/4 or 2/3?) of his wage, so of course she wants more. She feels she has a right to it.


Blimey OP, nightmare for you. Thinking of you and with you all the way. It's the sense of your ex's entitlement that I'm astounded at. Where's the dignity.

JackRS

olibrofiz wrote: »

Hope it's ok commenting so late, and that I won't be flamed for my thoughts. I've seen this thread title pop up now and then, but didn't read it as thought others on here may have said 'the skin off your back' given some threads I HAVE read.


I get that the £1150 the OP is giving his ex as a voluntary contribution includes, in his eyes, £650 child support as per CSA guidelines of 15% of his income - but is this actually crystal clear to his ex? Just wondering this as I get the impression she sees the £1150 as a voluntary contribution of SM, for her. Surely the sols can only push for £500 SM, as effectively that is all the OP is providing for his ex?


If she does know that £650 is CS, it would be interesting to see how much she transfers to son or GP's pm for sons support (regardless of the GP's being loaded). After all, he's not in the FMH, so she's not keeping a roof over his head, which is what I thought maintenance was for, ie: the absent parent to contribute to that.


Given the %'s mentioned I get the feeling the ex sees the OP as living in clover each month on his % (3/4 or 2/3?) of his wage, so of course she wants more. She feels she has a right to it.


Blimey OP, nightmare for you. Thinking of you and with you all the way. It's the sense of your ex's entitlement that I'm astounded at. Where's the dignity.

Yes I think you are right she does consider the total amount as hers. Even though I've always referred to them as separate amounts. I'm not aware that she has given any to her parents as they are reasonably wealthy and have been lending her money to pay her legal fees. . She was previously providing my son money topay for his train fair but when he got his car the plan was she continued topay the same amount to cover his petrol costs. I am not aware if this has continued.



You may not have picked it up but since October I have not paid voluntary maintenance but continued the £650 CSA. This was against my solicitors advice but part of my reasoning was it would maybe increase the other sides urgency in meeting an agreement. However they still managed to miss the hearing date on the 12th Jan.

Ex Mrs JackRS mind set fuelled by her solicitor and family around her is that she shouldn't be any worse off than she was. I know from discussions with my daughter that my ex believes I previously provided when we were together that I should continue to as it was me that wanted out of the relationship.

justme111

How is the house sale going , jack ?

JackRS

justme111 wrote: »

How is the house sale going , jack ?

It's not fallen through yet, seems to be progressing ok thanks.

I have beenissued with a claim from the landlord of the rental house I’m currently in,they’re trying to evict me on grounds of rent arrears, court hearing 24Feb. I am in arrears by less than 2months. My friend who is helping me withit believes there isn’t really a case as the response forms seem to focus onworking out a way to plan rent arrears to be paid. The real reason they want me out is they canfind a tenant willing to pay more than the rent review boards agreedamount. Anyway looks like I may have arent review court date before the financial settlement hearing?

RAS

Go ever to the rent form for advice on the rent case JackRS.

There are several grounds under Section 8, one of which is scuppered by being £1 less than 2 months in arrears on the date of the court apperence and one which is persistent underpayment.

Your case is complex so I would ask them for advice. Take a tin hat as there are some opinions amongst the good advice.

olibrofiz

Hi JackRS, yes, thank you, I noticed you said you'd reduced the amount you provided, but nothing about the response from your ex (?) I may have missed some things. Hopefully the sols aren't plotting requesting back pay on the angle that ' it was ALL voluntary maintenance, you haven't been paying child maintenance'. Hopefully the split of what the £1150 is actually for is clarified in writing somewhere amongst all the sols correspondence. Sorry, I can tend to nit-pick, where they may be no nits, BUT, worth confirming maybe.


As for no worse off, of course anyone may be materially worse off in a relationship break up - regardless of who's at fault. If you'd got some stunner set up in a penthouse suite, i could understand scorned & vengeance, but I don't get the impression you have.


Can't say I wish all your problems will be small as we know they won't be. But I can wish you well, and nit pick occasionally if you don't mind.

barbiedoll

olibrofiz wrote: »

As for no worse off, of course anyone may be materially worse off in a relationship break up - regardless of who's at fault. If you'd got some stunner set up in a penthouse suite, i could understand scorned & vengeance, but I don't get the impression you have.

What with the inept solicitors and the grasping ex both bleeding Jack dry, I doubt that he could afford to set up a bog roll in a bathroom suite, let alone a "stunner in a penthouse suite"! :mad:

It does make you wonder though, how this would have panned out if Jack did have another woman/family to support. Which after the 2+ years that this has been dragging on, would have been feasible, even though we know that this is not the case. It's terrible that this has been allowed to drag on for so long, as always, the only winners are the lawyers. I bet the ex (and her parents) will be demanding that Jack pay all legal costs too.

Jack, have you made any headway into restoring communications with your son?

JackRS

barbiedoll wrote: »

What with the inept solicitors and the grasping ex both bleeding Jack dry, I doubt that he could afford to set up a bog roll in a bathroom suite, let alone a "stunner in a penthouse suite"! :mad:

It does make you wonder though, how this would have panned out if Jack did have another woman/family to support. Which after the 2+ years that this has been dragging on, would have been feasible, even though we know that this is not the case. It's terrible that this has been allowed to drag on for so long, as always, the only winners are the lawyers. I bet the ex (and her parents) will be demanding that Jack pay all legal costs too.

Jack, have you made any headway into restoring communications with your son?

Thanks no my son is still not responding, I got him 2 tickets for premiership football match for New Years day for the team he supports and some spending money. I wrote that I'd love to go with him but no response. I know he did like it as he posted on twitter that it was his best present and hat a great day it was but no reply. It's his birthday in 3 weeks so I'll continue to provide and keep sending my love.

kelpie35

JackRS wrote: »

Thanks no my son is still not responding, I got him 2 tickets for premiership football match for New Years day for the team he supports and some spending money. I wrote that I'd love to go with him but no response. I know he did like it as he posted on twitter that it was his best present and hat a great day it was but no reply. It's his birthday in 3 weeks so I'll continue to provide and keep sending my love.

I know this is no consolation to you at the moment Jack, bit I have faith to believe that in time you and your son will have a great relationship.

At them moment you and him are hurting so much that it is probably clouding his thoughts and also you don't know what is being said to him re your situation.

I know how much you love both your children. You are showing them what a caring, loving father is.

Keep strong and take care.