Separated, how much should I provide?

sharp910sh

JackRS wrote: »

I was thinking 15% as daughter is 20 next month, I will then support children directly with appropriate amounts. However when this goes to court I suspect the judge will allocate a lot more!

Yes give the minimum amounts, nothing more! Your children are grown they don't need you to keep giving them money. When I was 18 I was giving money to my parents!

Do not give all your money away to your ex. You don't need to pay the bills and give her extra money. Just the minimum.

Your kids are getting old now, she will prob get more than half off the house and your assets, but that doesn't mean you need to give her extra cash.

JackRS

?

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I didn't mean to insinuate that you had a younger/older model. It was only a made up story (Mills and Boon here I come)

Just wanted to point out to all the people who are urging you on to give her the very least that you have to, that it isn't that simple.

It seems that very few posters have even considered her point of view and she is being seen as a money grabbing b*tch.

This may well be the case but we don't know.

Unfortunately the only people who win in these situations are the solicitors.

I know you didn't no problem. Yes it's always them who cash in!

janninew

sharp910sh wrote: »

I think you should have realised that you shouldn't have to 100% depend on anyone. You should have worked yourself when you were younger. You should go online and claim benefits. Its simple: https://www.dwpe-services.direct.gov.uk/portal/page/portal/jsaol/lp

You can claim council tax benefit through your council.

You need to eat therefore you need to claim benefits simple. Just because you lived a good life, you need to realise that life doesn't exist anymore.

Most importantly you need to get a job.

I must say this is is very much my viewpoint as well! I'm happily married with a little baby and we could afford for me to stay at home and live on my husband's salary, but I like having my independence and own money. After reading threads on here, experiences in real life and with family members, I wasn't naive enough to think nothing could go wrong in our future. I only work part time, but I've kept my foot in the door in a good job, have a pension, I earn my own money (though my husband does bring home the majority!) God forbid anything happens in the future in my marriage, I've got relevant work experience to build on. Me and my husband are very happy, but nobody knows what the future holds

justme111

Pmlindyloo , I hope ops wife is not a moneygrabbing machine .at no moment I refereed to her like that. I am afraid she might be though given that women hurt romantically tend to try and retaliate financially .and as op seems to think he should pay for everything then it is logically to assume she thinks so as well. So I am letting him know in my opinion it is very wrong

There were a few posts like those that you created and my replies were the same and went against "go get him girl " spirit .

RAS

JackRS wrote: »

Well that's not a million miles off we have been seperated for 5 months and there's no younger or older model but yes from her point of view about right.

Jack

It may well be that a younger model would be easier for your ex to cope with than the current situation.

A younger model means that you are more attracted to an alternative than to your ex. People "understand" that even if they do not approve.

The fact that you prefer NOTHING to your ex, means that she knows that you really do not want a relationship with her, and other people will realise that as well.

JackRS

Brief update

Her solicitor had written:

‘ We understand that you have indicated that you would like to close the joint account and/or reduce or cancel our client’s allowance. We would remind you of your legal obligation to provide adequate financial support to the children and our client. In order that we can advise our client as to the correct level of maintenance pending suit we would be grateful if you could please provide us within the next 7 days with a schedule of your income and outgoings’

So my solicitor replied saying rather than supplying that could they please provide details of how much she thinks she needs and the intension to close joint account. They have now responded refusing to provide details and requested again my information. My solicitor has again refused to provide and again requested details of what she needs. So her solicitor has informed us they are now applying to the court for an ‘maintenance order’ (not sure of correct term) which will require me to pay a certain amount I’m guessing considerably more than what I originally proposed. My solicitor thinks it’s not so clever because she will have to provide the court with details of what she needs anyway and have to pay a fee to request the order.

kezzygirl

Wow, she is really going for the jugular.

JackRS

kezzygirl wrote: »

Wow, she is really going for the jugular.

This is just the start...

elsien

They're trying to bully you. A relative had similar, ended up going to court as the ex refused mediation and she will have to justify her expenses for any maintenance order.
If I remember rightly, they both ended up having to provide details of income and expenditure, but my relative insisted on these being swapped at the same time so neither got the chance to see the others beforehand. (Which ended up quite amusing as the ex was asking for more maintenance than my relative actually earned.) They negotiated an interim maintenance amount pending the full court case which I think reduced what she was asking for. He did end up having to pay spousal maintenance for a few years while she retrained, but she's going to have to have a very good reason indeed at the end of that time to come back for more.

My relative also got upset with his solicitor at one point, feeling he wasn't being tough enough, but what you have to bear in mind is a) a good solicitor will try to negotiate to keep things out of court, will point out the pros and cons, and then you have to decide at which point you want to draw a line in the sand. Court can be the luck of the draw as to which judge you get on the day as to how it goes, but sometimes if the OH is game playing there isn't always the option of doing it otherwise.

Plus remember that your ex's solicitor is following her instructions - he may well be advising her she's being a total @rse and isn't going to get what she wants until hell freezes over, but if she's insisting, he has to follow her instructions even if they're unreasonable. Plus he's getting paid for every letter. So at some point you may well have to tell them to take a running jump - as you have done with the income thing, and let them do with it as they will.
You can't second guess, some things may go your way, some your wife's. Stand your ground if you need to, listen to your solicitors advice and choose your battles - some you'll win and some you'll lose. Don't be a walkover, but don't get to the point where scoring points is so important you lose the ability to compromise.

RAS

JackRS wrote: »

Her solicitor had written:

In order that we can advise our client as to the correct level of maintenance pending suit we would be grateful if you could please provide us within the next 7 days with a schedule of your income and outgoings’

You have mentioned previously that your are in a house share??

That would mean that your outgoings are relatively low.

It might be a good idea to get yourself into decent accomodation before this goes much further?