Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

Treevo wrote: »

At the very least they would neutralise your ex's solicitor. Which would save you a fortune and salvage a little bit of respect from your children. They're at an age where they're going to be incredibly hurtnow, but will soon be able to understand it through the eyes of an adult.

Your ex seems like she is out to hurt you - so your choice (and you have one) is to either roll over and let it happen or fight back. You said you wanted a solicitor to give you some backbone - you've not got it with this one.

Any notion you have that giving your ex everything she wants will somehow fix everything needs to be hacked out now. The damage is done. You're in the business of survival and mitigation now. Don't waste it by being some martyr. It won't help you at all.

Yep get that, I'm being hung may as well do the crime. Not sure why you think solicitor is not being strong for me? What should they be doing that you think they are not? I'm not defending them just seeking advice, it's all new to me.

JackRS

Treevo wrote: »

You don't get a fair deal by starting off offering one to someone who wants your blood. I'd be wary of any lawyer who didn't understand that.

So how should I instruct solicitor to opperate?

JackRS

SandC wrote: »

I agree with the others, your wife's solicitor is not going to go in with anything but the max that they are after, with a view to negotiation. That's how they work.

Remember you started this thread a month ago - your wife was looking to move in 3 months at that point. It's still 3 months and with the best will in the world do you really think the house will get sold and financials all sorted in that space of time?

You can still sort out pre divorce situation with regards to finance but I do think you are looking at least 6 months so you have to consider yourself in this.

Yes that's correct, my solicitor said we need to ensure that my wife is not comfortable and has to seek other sources of income etc.

LannieDuck

I think what people are reacting to is your solicitor agreeing upfront to pay half of your wife's legal costs.You're paying your own legal costs... why shouldn't your wife do the same?

(There may, of course, be a good pragmatic explanation - did your solicitor explain his/her reasoning?)

Treevo

JackRS wrote: »

Yep get that, I'm being hung may as well do the crime. Not sure why you think solicitor is not being strong for me? What should they be doing that you think they are not? I'm not defending them just seeking advice, it's all new to me.

I get the sense that she's taking your lead rather than fighting for you. Which she should do but if she's not fighting for you as much as is necessary then you need to address that.

The first rule is that she needs to know your endgame - and work towards that from above. You need to know what you'll settle for and not a penny more and then she needs to aim to get your wife's settlement down as much as possible so you can have a fair settlement.

Basically she seems a bit too nice and a bit too much like she's happy to have an easy case. Which is fine if you're dealing with a mutual split where both parties are being fair, but you're not.

duchy

It's early days.......

I do think you need to be careful not to be your wife's whipping boy because you chose to leave the marriage...and destroy the status quo.

Your solicitor seems to be doing OK placing the ball squarely back in the other solicitor's court in asking for what your wife thinks is acceptable support. She'll either pull her head in a bit and come back with something more realistic -or continue to be unreasonable which is not going to go down well in court.

JackRS

See below part of the letter of instruction from my solicitor relating to finance:

A starting point when it comes to dividing up the marital assets is always a 50/50 split. However this starting point may be moved away from taking into consideration a number of factors. For example the starting point will usually be 60/40 in favour of the parent with on-going care of the children.

A Court is required to take into consideration a number of factors when determining a financial settlement and these are found within the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 which a Judge is required to have close reference to. For ease of reference, the relevant part of the Act states as follows:-
"25 (1) It shall be the duty of the court in deciding whether to exercise its powers .... To have regard to all the circumstances of the case including the following matters, that is to say -
(a) the income, earning capacity, property and other financial resources which each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future;
(b) the financial needs, obligations and responsibilities which each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future;
(c) the standard of living enjoyed by the family before the breakdown of the marriage;
(d) the age of each party to the marriage and the duration of the marriage;
(e) any physical or mental disability of either of the parties to the marriage;
(f) the contributions made by each of the parties to the welfare of the family, including any contribution made by looking after the home or caring for the family;
(g) ...the value to either of the parties to the marriage of any benefit (for example, a pension) which ... (by reason of the divorce) ..that party will lose the chance of acquiring;..."

Within divorce proceedings then the terms of a settlement should be documented in a “Consent Order” which would be filed with the Court within the divorce proceedings for approval and sealing. A Consent Order can only be approved by the Courts in divorce proceedings.

By the virtue of the fact that you and your wife are married you are entitled to full disclosure as to what the other person has by way of assets, liabilities etc. We would always advise that there is financial disclosure between parties in order to properly advice you in relation to a fair and reasonable financial settlement. You wife’s solicitor have requested that there be financial disclosure in this matter.

I advised you that any final settlement would need to be detailed in a Consent Order in order to make it legally binding. I have explained to you that a Consent Order, detailing the terms of a financial settlement, can only be filed with the Court for approval and sealing once Decree Nisi has been pronounced within the divorce proceedings. A solicitor cannot advise on a fair and reasonable settlement without final disclosure. I explained to you that it is advisable to have the terms of any financial settlement set out in a document called a “Consent Order”. The Consent Order would then be signed by you and your wife and would be filed with the Court for approval and sealing within the divorce proceedings. Once sealed by the Court a Consent Order will become legally binding.

I must make it clear to you that if a Consent Order is filed with the Court and the Court does not consider it a fair settlement then the Court will not simply "rubber stamp" the Consent Order. Some Judges refuse to approve and seal a Consent Order if they do not agree with the terms of the settlement. I need to make you fully aware of this now before we proceed with a Consent Order. At the time the Consent Order is filed with the Court, the Judge will expect both parties to have completed a "Statement of information for a Consent Order form". This form provides the Courts with some basic information as to what both parties have by way of capital, debts, income etc. This assists the Judge when deciding whether the terms of the Consent Order are fair and reasonable for both parties.

Actions That I Will Take
I have informed your wife's solicitor that you have now instructed me to act on your behalf and that once I am formally instructed by you I will respond to their letter. I will then endeavour to agree a Consent Order with Solicitors once we have had voluntary financial disclosure.

sharp910sh

JackRS wrote: »

Yes that's correct, my solicitor said we need to ensure that my wife is not comfortable and has to seek other sources of income etc.

Just pay her 20% of your income. Thats all. What will she do? Come bite you? Man up my friend. You are letting her walk all over you. How much do you earn?

Treevo

JackRS wrote: »

So how should I instruct solicitor to opperate?

Like a Rottweiler. If she's incapable of that then you need to find an alternative.

Stick with a woman though - that was the right decision with you being a man.

JackRS

LannieDuck wrote: »

I think what people are reacting to is your solicitor agreeing upfront to pay half of your wife's legal costs.You're paying your own legal costs... why shouldn't your wife do the same?

(There may, of course, be a good pragmatic explanation - did your solicitor explain his/her reasoning?)

Point is she has no income so it only comes from me anyway. My wife's solicitor requested full costs so do you think we have any grounds to reject that?