Separated, how much should I provide?

edited 31 August 2016 at 12:26PM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • RASRAS Forumite
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    You might want to include that comment n sdome submission to the court or the ex at sometime. Might incline someone to wonder why you choose a "tent" over a very nice comfortable lifestyle?
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    comeandgo wrote: »
    JackRS, I have not read all 8 pages of this topic but one thing did stand out to me and that is your wife saying you have "abandoned the family" - this rings so true to my husbands situation - he left his first wife and that was her take on things. She too did not have a job, never had one, she received half of all assets less half of all debts which gave her enough to live on, she did try and get extra alimony and the court hearing was set but she agreed to what had been proposed minutes before all due to go into court.I suppose the difference was his children had left home, but to get to the point, the children accept what happened, they talk to their dad same as before - it just takes time.
    When solicitors get involved things get more "brutal". Each solicitor has to work to their clients advantage so please dont let guilt dictate what you do, take the solicitors advice and pay what you legally have to - nothing more.

    Thanks that's very reassuring, appreciate you taking the time to write that. I'm too easy going and soft to make the battle myself which is why I've found a professional to be the back bone I don't have. My strength is I know my weaknesses and what I'm not good at. She knows I'm a coward and will avoid confrontation etc. My ex has parents still living who are wealthy and have 3 spare bedrooms that they often stay with, so she will always have somewhere to stay.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    RAS wrote: »
    You might want to include that comment n sdome submission to the court or the ex at sometime. Might incline someone to wonder why you choose a "tent" over a very nice comfortable lifestyle?

    Sorry don't follow 'include that comment n sdome submission to the court' ?
    Regards

    JackRS
  • RASRAS Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    Sorry don't follow 'include that comment in some submission to the court' ?

    Your wife does not think she has done anything wrong?

    Well plainly something to do with your marriage was very wrong if you prefer to live in a tent rather than remain in the marriage?

    If you let the judge and your wife hear you say that, it might just give them a reason to wonder what went wrong?

    Does not appear that your wife has a lot of insight into the issues?
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
  • gizmo111gizmo111 Forumite
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    RAS wrote: »
    Your wife does not think she has done anything wrong?

    Well plainly something to do with your marriage was very wrong if you prefer to live in a tent rather than remain in the marriage?

    If you let the judge and your wife hear you say that, it might just give them a reason to wonder what went wrong?

    Does not appear that your wife has a lot of insight into the issues?
    The issues make no difference to the financial settlement. The solicitor will draft the response to petition on approriate and legal grounds.
    Mama read so much about the dangers of drinking alcohol and eating chocolate that she immediately gave up reading.
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    gizmo111 wrote: »
    The issues make no difference to the financial settlement. The solicitor will draft the response to petition on approriate and legal grounds.

    Yes that's the plan on Friday, I'll give an update then on the plan.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • justme111justme111 Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    Thank you yes this is the line I'm trying to take as I feel guilty as I've always provided and it's my decision to leave, so I'm trying to be fair and reasonable. However I can't really move on and my circumstances are I need to get my own place so can't keep up the same level of financial support.

    So what if you were able to afford it , would you have still paid to someone because you used to live with her ? The world has gone mad.
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    justme111 wrote: »
    So what if you were able to afford it , would you have still paid to someone because you used to live with her ? The world has gone mad.

    To a point yes, even though the children are older they are living with their mum so her financial situation will obviously affect them.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    Had a review with my solicitor on Friday went through the divorce petition and financial stuff. She will write to my wife’s solicitor to requests an estimate of what my wife thinks she needs rather than meet her solicitors request to provide my income and outgoings within 7 days. Then we can make a proposal of what we will provide and a date for closing the joint account. She thinks it better to be reasonable and fair to avoid conflict that will end up being expensive in terms of additional legal costs from my wife’s solicitor, which I will have to pay anyway.
    My solicitor agrees that if she is moving south in 3 months then maybe not reasonable to be looking for a job in the current area but should start looking for work in new location and getting prepared.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • justme111justme111 Forumite
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    You paying for her solicitor as well ? Charming. She has no incentive to come to an agreement then.
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
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