Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

Treevo wrote: »

I get the sense that she's taking your lead rather than fighting for you. Which she should do but if she's not fighting for you as much as is necessary then you need to address that.

The first rule is that she needs to know your endgame - and work towards that from above. You need to know what you'll settle for and not a penny more and then she needs to aim to get your wife's settlement down as much as possible so you can have a fair settlement.

Basically she seems a bit too nice and a bit too much like she's happy to have an easy case. Which is fine if you're dealing with a mutual split where both parties are being fair, but you're not.

Yeah good point, I have not yet signed instruction etc so not started yet so I do need to outline my requirements.

pmlindyloo

I am going to play devil's advocate here in an attempt to get a fairer 'take' on the situation.

For some reason we have now got to the stage of 'your ex. is out for all she can get', don't be a mug etc etc.

Perhaps we could look at both sides here. Supposing a post went as follows?

I am forty five years old and have been married for 25 years. My husband has always earned a very good salary. He didn't want me to work. I have always supported him in his work, kept the house looking nice, organised dinner parties for work colleagues and generally helped to make our lives very comfortable indeed.

We had two children and they have wanted for nothing. You may think that I sound selfish and lazy but this is not the case. My husband preferred me to be at home so that our lives ran smoothly.

Last week my husband walked out on me. Absolutely no warning. He has found a younger model.

I am devastated, humiliated and cry myself to sleep every night.

My children see how upset I am and are refusing to speak to their father.

At the moment my husband is paying all the bills and generally trying to make our lives comfortable, at least financially.

He has said that he cannot do this forever as he needs to find somewhere else to live. He says that I must claim benefits and find a job.

I understand that he needs to find a place to live but I am terrified of doing this all on my own. I know I will have to get a job but where do I start? I haven't worked in over 20 tears, what chance do I have? I know we will have to sell the house - another terrifying prospect.

Can anyone understand how humiliated I am? My life, as I and my children have known I,t has come to a horrible end. I do not know how I can face claiming benefits, finding a job. I have some dear friends who are supporting me but their stance is that I should 'make him pay'.

This seems so horrible to do. What do you think?

LannieDuck

JackRS wrote: »

Point is she has no income so it only comes from me anyway. My wife's solicitor requested full costs so do you think we have any grounds to reject that?

I would have thought she would pay her solicitor out of whatever settlement was agreed. Alternatively (if you pay upfront on her behalf), that her settlement should be reduced by the cost of her legal fees.

...but I'm not a lawyer, so have no idea if it works that way in practice.

It might be worth dropping LazyDaisy a line to see if she'll have a look at your thread. I don't think she's a family law specialist, but she might be able to give you an idea of what a reasonable settlement is.

JackRS

sharp910sh wrote: »

Just pay her 20% of your income. Thats all. What will she do? Come bite you? Man up my friend. You are letting her walk all over you. How much do you earn?

I was thinking 15% as daughter is 20 next month, I will then support children directly with appropriate amounts. However when this goes to court I suspect the judge will allocate a lot more!

JackRS

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I am going to play devil's advocate here in an attempt to get a fairer 'take' on the situation.

For some reason we have now got to the stage of 'your ex. is out for all she can get', don't be a mug etc etc.

Perhaps we could look at both sides here. Supposing a post went as follows?

I am forty five years old and have been married for 25 years. My husband has always earned a very good salary. He didn't want me to work. I have always supported him in his work, kept the house looking nice, organised dinner parties for work colleagues and generally helped to make our lives very comfortable indeed.

We had two children and they have wanted for nothing. You may think that I sound selfish and lazy but this is not the case. My husband preferred me to be at home so that our lives ran smoothly.

Last week my husband walked out on me. Absolutely no warning. He has found a younger model.

I am devastated, humiliated and cry myself to sleep every night.

My children see how upset I am and are refusing to speak to their father.

At the moment my husband is paying all the bills and generally trying to make our lives comfortable, at least financially.

He has said that he cannot do this forever as he needs to find somewhere else to live. He says that I must claim benefits and find a job.

I understand that he needs to find a place to live but I am terrified of doing this all on my own. I know I will have to get a job but where do I start? I haven't worked in over 20 tears, what chance do I have? I know we will have to sell the house - another terrifying prospect.

Can anyone understand how humiliated I am? My life, as I and my children have known I,t has come to a horrible end. I do not know how I can face claiming benefits, finding a job. I have some dear friends who are supporting me but their stance is that I should 'make him pay'.

This seems so horrible to do. What do you think?

Well that's not a million miles off we have been seperated for 5 months and there's no younger or older model but yes from her point of view about right.

pmlindyloo

JackRS wrote: »

Well that's not a million miles off we have been seperated for 5 months and there's no younger or older model but yes from her point of view about right.

I didn't mean to insinuate that you had a younger/older model. It was only a made up story (Mills and Boon here I come)

Just wanted to point out to all the people who are urging you on to give her the very least that you have to, that it isn't that simple.

It seems that very few posters have even considered her point of view and she is being seen as a money grabbing b*tch.

This may well be the case but we don't know.

Unfortunately the only people who win in these situations are the solicitors.

pmlindyloo

I know this is probably not possible if relationships are very strained but there are Family mediation Services who could help you reach a settlement without going to court.

See here:

http://www.nfm.org.uk/

sharp910sh

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I am going to play devil's advocate here in an attempt to get a fairer 'take' on the situation.

For some reason we have now got to the stage of 'your ex. is out for all she can get', don't be a mug etc etc.

Perhaps we could look at both sides here. Supposing a post went as follows?

I am forty five years old and have been married for 25 years. My husband has always earned a very good salary. He didn't want me to work. I have always supported him in his work, kept the house looking nice, organised dinner parties for work colleagues and generally helped to make our lives very comfortable indeed.

We had two children and they have wanted for nothing. You may think that I sound selfish and lazy but this is not the case. My husband preferred me to be at home so that our lives ran smoothly.

Last week my husband walked out on me. Absolutely no warning. He has found a younger model.

I am devastated, humiliated and cry myself to sleep every night.

My children see how upset I am and are refusing to speak to their father.

At the moment my husband is paying all the bills and generally trying to make our lives comfortable, at least financially.

He has said that he cannot do this forever as he needs to find somewhere else to live. He says that I must claim benefits and find a job.

I understand that he needs to find a place to live but I am terrified of doing this all on my own. I know I will have to get a job but where do I start? I haven't worked in over 20 tears, what chance do I have? I know we will have to sell the house - another terrifying prospect.



Can anyone understand how humiliated I am? My life, as I and my children have known I,t has come to a horrible end. I do not know how I can face claiming benefits, finding a job. I have some dear friends who are supporting me but their stance is that I should 'make him pay'.

This seems so horrible to do. What do you think?

I think you should have realised that you shouldn't have to 100% depend on anyone. You should have worked yourself when you were younger. You should go online and claim benefits. Its simple: https://www.dwpe-services.direct.gov.uk/portal/page/portal/jsaol/lp

You can claim council tax benefit through your council.

You need to eat therefore you need to claim benefits simple. Just because you lived a good life, you need to realise that life doesn't exist anymore.

Most importantly you need to get a job.

JackRS

LannieDuck wrote: »

I would have thought she would pay her solicitor out of whatever settlement was agreed. Alternatively (if you pay upfront on her behalf), that her settlement should be reduced by the cost of her legal fees.

...but I'm not a lawyer, so have no idea if it works that way in practice.

It might be worth dropping LazyDaisy a line to see if she'll have a look at your thread. I don't think she's a family law specialist, but she might be able to give you an idea of what a reasonable settlement is.

Do you mean drop LazyDaisy a line through private message?

LannieDuck

JackRS wrote: »

Do you mean drop LazyDaisy a line through private message?

I did mean that. I don't know if she responds to PMs, but it's worth a go. I've always found her legal advice on threads very helpful.