Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

DollyDee wrote: »

I've read all of this thread but never commented until now.

Her demands beggar belief. £196K plus £1850/month plus extra £850/month plus a car plus a possible £1000/month if/when she gets a job. Plus holidays! Plus additional for the mortgage! Have I got that right?

She won't even share the debt 50/50! £3000. Oh my life.................

I just keep visualising "To The Manor Born" or something.

Selfish madam.

So sorry for you Jack.

Basically yes a few corrections, sorry it is confusing and difficult for a man of my limited literary skills to summarize clearly. She's saying if she's got a house paid for she needs a minimum of £1850 a month to live assuming I provide the car. Therefore if she could earn 1000 a month in a job she would require an additional 850 a month from me.

I forgot to mention that may parents said well she obviously need to economize more as they survive on a joint income of £600/month and have to provide their own cars.

I did say to her at the time that she needs to find ways to make ends meet, many others have to find a way to make ends meet and they've not been given 200k to buy a place with. She said well I'm only spending as much as you and there are 3 of us. She was pointing out that I was extravagant and told me how much cash I had withdrawn from reviewing my bank statements and how I'd obviously been spending money going out for meals and drinking and been away for a weekend with friends etc why should I be living it up while she has to struggle.... Oh so many things were said can't write it all now as I'm meeting friends for a pub lunch yes i know I'm so naughty, maybe I should ask her if it's OK to do that while she's having to suffer having another summer off not having to work oh and she's down on the coast with her parents walking the dogs on the beach today and the rest of the week, let me guess yes on holiday...sorry do I sound bitter...maybe a little..

JackRS

kelpie35 wrote: »

Oh Jack not the news I was expecting to hear.

I am sorry to hear that your children are not keeping in touch. I am sure their mother is poisoning their minds, and that is very sad. I am sure, given more time, that they will come to their senses and realise just how much you love them. Please God let this be very soon.

Would retiring early make you happy? would you be able to find things to do with your time? If you had too much time on your hands it might not make you happy.

I have always thought it was a good idea for you to move back into the family home till it is sold. I really think your ex has caused the non sale of the house, for what reason I don't know, it is just a feeling I have.

I would ask her when she is moving out, tell her you are moving back in. I certainly wouldn't increase any more maintenance to her. It is her decision to move south and she has CHOSEN not to find employment for the last 18months or so, so it is her fault she has a shortage of money for the lifestyle she chooses.

How long do think think it would take you to get this to court?

I asked the solicitor that a few weeks back well into next year before any hear date.

DollyDee_2

Sorry Jack, I read it too quick - my mistake.

She's still asking for waaaay too much. With regard to your outgoings, you are having to pay rent. Stupid woman.

Put it to the back of your mind if you can - enjoy your deserved pub lunch!

Nothing wrong with your literary skills.

JackRS

DollyDee wrote: »

Sorry Jack, I read it too quick - my mistake.

She's still asking for waaaay too much. With regard to your outgoings, you are having to pay rent. Stupid woman.

Put it to the back of your mind if you can - enjoy your deserved pub lunch!

Nothing wrong with your literary skills.

Thanks dolly

mgdavid

Not good news Jack - but not bad either! It does sound as if her side have realised you are not going to just roll over. Therefore eventually a negotiated position will be reached. When people realise they are in an untenable position they often need to be helped gently out of it, not giving everything up all at once but moving towards the eventual outcome in little steps and stages. You have to view a court hearing as an investment not a cost; what can happen is both sides legal reps get together just before the court time and thrash out a deal which they then present to the officials and judge. My advice would be to get a barrister in for the day, might cost about £1k but in my experience well worth it. Drop me a PM if you'd like more details of this approach and how it worked out.

Ames

I disagree with your dad. She doesn't want to have her cake and eat it.

She wants to have her cake and eat it, and a big chunk of yours, because you can manage fine on gruel.

I'm sticking to my position - court seems to be your best, and cheapest, bet.

duchy

What would happen -legally....if you simply stopped paying her anything over and above CSA level payments ?

My guess is nothing (well your mobile might melt with furious texts) until you went to court- at which point you'd be showing that after 18 months of more than generous support you stopped supporting her.....and Oh look she didn't starve or die but got off her backside and either moved in with Mummy and Daddy or got a job (or both) or claimed benefits . You continued to pay your legal obligations to your son (assuming she is still claiming CB) but felt it was time you encouraged her to face the future and mediation wasn't doing that.

Is this really such an unthinkable scenario ? (obviously you could take over paying for stuff for the kids she currently pays like contact lenses- a bit of cash in their pockets etc)

(It also stops the rather dangerous precendence you are setting for spousal support as an expectation- at this rate the court could turn around and say she's had it for 3 years it would be unfair to stop it now)

bellevie

Im starting to think its time to just stop as per the post above. Strip it back to the minimum CSA - give kids money for whatever you would normally cover the rest save it instead of paying and when the courts make a decision, which will hopefully be less than you are paying now you will have the money ready to pay whatever arrears have accrued.

Your children aren't in nappies, she isn't a mum of two young children for whom childcare may be an issue, whilst she works.

As PP said you are setting a precedence paying it for so long. If you can not strip it right back, then reduce it, work out what you can afford pay that and put the rest towards debt, start getting yourself back on an even keel.

gonzo127

sorry been following for a while but not felt like i needed to comment before now, however i agree with the above, you need to change things, reduce how much you are giving her as she really doesnt need it, take it to court, get a barrister and have an end to it, BUT some other suggestions to consider,

is your son responsible enough to look after himself? if so have you considered cutting back on support for her and giving it direct to son? maybe by getting him set up in a nice little rental property on his own? could he manage this or would this along with studying be too much for him at the moment, only you know this

car, how much do you pay on a lease? have you considered just 'buying' a new car and cancelling the lease - of course i dont know what you can afford, but a brand new car can be got for £6k (a dacia), she might hate it but you would have provided a car new with warranty and all she has got to do is pay for upkeep, just wipes an out going off the list, and in a small way could be seen as sticking your fingers up at her by giving her a bottom of the range car, when im betting she is used to something flashy

BrassicWoman

Another one for CSA minimum, and straight to court - a round table will achieve nothing. My heart goes out to you, you are trying so hard to do the right thing!