Separated, how much should I provide?

barbiedoll

I still don't understand why you have to provide her with an expensive car and with such a large mileage allowance? I pay around £90 month for my tiny city car (kia) and I get 5000 miles per annum. I do all of my commuting and work driving for that. Where does she drive to exactly? She doesn't work, she isn't disabled, she doesn't have small children to ferry about. Surely she can't use 18000 miles driving to the hairdressers?

I can't comment on the legal stuff Jack, I have no experience of such matters. But I do think that you need to go through her expenses with a fine-tooth comb, she seems to be living a better life now than when she was living with you!

Expecting a swanky pad by the sea, a free car AND a large amount of cash to spend every month? While you're supposed to live in a tent or doss on a mate's floor whilst applying for a huge mortgage at your time of life? Ridiculous.

Caroline_a

Hi Jack - I see the Wicked Witch of the West is still trying to extract her pound or 500 from you.

Quick question - do you work for a multi-national company, and if so is there any way you could get a secondment in another country? Or just move abroad?

Her legal fees for chasing you then might be a little unaffordable!

ampersand

Yes, we've also to remember you are homeless at the end of next month too, Jack.

The collateral damage to your own dp's is not minimal either.
#
caroline - great minds. I'd wondered about New Start/New Country, but wasn't sure Jack would want to leave any poss. identifier pathways here.
Also, think you've left a 0 or 00 off in line 1:-)

JackRS

Caroline_a wrote: »

Hi Jack - I see the Wicked Witch of the West is still trying to extract her pound or 500 from you.

Quick question - do you work for a multi-national company, and if so is there any way you could get a secondment in another country? Or just move abroad?

Her legal fees for chasing you then might be a little unaffordable!

Yes it's a large international and i have looked into foreign assignment but nothing available at the moment plus i want to get this resolved and not being here would make that difficult.

I am considering going back to house if she moves down but can’t see her doing that unless I pay her enough to rent. I’m getting conflicting advice at the moment so I will consider this week.

Her mileage was previously high as taking and collecting daughter to train station created 150miles a week, trips to south coast and back twice a month is 500 a month so 1100 a month just on those. Going forward she shouldn’t need as much.

Bonfire77

She knows she doesn't need all that money to survive on top of a house already paid for, she knows she could get a job if she needed to, she knows she doesn't deserve your company car,she knows she doesn't HAVE to move south, she knows it would be best for the young adults that she speak well of you (their father), she knows she will get a large inheritance in the near future, she knows that a holiday is not essential to life but just a nice little bonus, she knows the mediator is a bit biased, she knows how much money this is all costing both of you, she knows the house is not selling etc etc.... I could go on.

She does not strike me as stupid or clueless or even a spoiled brat. Even a spoiled person will change their ways if they have to survive. She strikes me as someone with a desire more than anything else to just "make that man pay for what he has done to me!" She will not rest Jack till she has totally cleaned you out, left you homeless, suicidal, no connection with your kids, bitter, and the list goes on. She is being smart by constantly keeping up with mediation, and her obviously stupid demands and avoiding court etc. There is no way anyone in her camp is telling her that her demands are reasonable. If they do tell her I can picture her saying, "I don't need to be reasonable, I just want to see him suffer for what he did to me and my comfortable cozy future"

I'm not the expert in human behavior --- but I have seen resentful people let it consume their lives and consume their decisions. Revenge is not a small thing. Every time she sees you sad or down, she feels better. The longer this drags out the better she feels about it.

I know it's difficult Jack but the more you can show her that all this is irrelevant, that she means nothing to your happiness, the better. Get a hot girlfriend, a woman who cares about you and not your money, Live life and look forward to the future. I know what I'm saying is a bit unrealistic as this all seems to consume your thoughts, your sleep, your happiness and quality of life. I reckon you shut people out because of how all this brings you misery. If she points out that you are spending, then tell her "yep, I earned it - I spent it, it felt good"

Bonfire77

Someone who works at Burger King earns more than 12k. She knows she can find a job for at least 16k. No one at her age and with her skills and work experience goes to work and only earns 12k. That's ridiculous.

JackRS

Bonfire77 wrote: »

Someone who works at Burger King earns more than 12k. She knows she can find a job for at least 16k. No one at her age and with her skills and work experience goes to work and only earns 12k. That's ridiculous.

Thank you Bonfire77 you have a useful insight.

I feel my next step is to ask my solicitor to proceed to court hearing to get date set up. However contacting her again will generate further correspondance and costs. Obviously she'll welcome round table meeting as a nice little earner. So I can see it generating further delays and costs. I guess I'll have to send a summary to her and request to get a court date set asap?

RAS

JackRS

Advise your solicitor to get a court date. If she offers round table, point out that you have already sat round the table several times and there appears to be no possibility of agreement.

harz99

RAS wrote: »

JackRS

Advise your solicitor to get a court date. If she offers round table, point out that you have already sat round the table several times and there appears to be no possibility of agreement.

Would it not be better to "instruct" the solicitor to get a court date, at the same time stating your very valid reasons as above for considering that the time for "round the table or mediation" has passed?

Thumper7

Hi JackRS


I'm sorry to hear that this is still dragging out. Just thought I'd bring the following to your attention. If your pension valuation is more than a year old, the court may require an updated valuation.


Oh and just as an aside, as I told you very early in this threat, I am myself going through divorce. My husband and I have come to an amicable (well almost) agreement. He wanted me to walk away with nothing (he has given me nothing for over a year), as I didn't work when I was trawling around the country and continents to further his career. My settlement is less than what is 50/50 but I am happy with what we agreed, and he is happy because he thinks he has won (which he hasn't).


Hang in there JackRS, it will happen, you will have to decide what is a win for you. Is being divorced and free more important or is a 50/50 split more important. Only you can decide.


D