Separated, how much should I provide?

mgdavid

Hope it goes better than expected, we're with you in spirit

ampersand

Hoping ex has an attitude transplant, wake-up call and 'smell the coffee' moment all rolled into one today Jack, however unlikely.
Wishing you very well this afternoon.
Take care, please.

JackRS

No agreement I’m afraid, so don’t hold your breath.

He proposal was:

Split house 50/50 but keep our own debts so if sold at 300K:

JackRS 150K – 16K = 134K

Ex Mrs JackRS 150K-10K= 140K

She then proposed a compromise in the pension share figure in terms of the cash equivalent of her interest in my pension. My solicitor advised a 1/3 rule of thumb hers 2/3 so she suggested using ½. (it is 1/3 hers is obviously trying it on)

So cash equivalent sum for her to not have any interest in my pension would be 56K

Therefore proposed asset split in lieu of any interest in my pension would be:

JackRS 134K – 56K = 78K

Ex Mrs JackRS 140K + 56K = 196K

However she said she would need a mortgage around 30K to buy the house she ‘needed’

Then suggested that reviewing over the last 3 month her bank account kept a neutral balance and with her income currently at 1850 a month assuming she got a job at 1000 a month. She’d need me to pay her additionally a minimum of 850 a month for unlimited period and that actually this didn’t allow for holidays ‘which were an important part of our lives’ and would also need additional to cover the mortgage she’d need. Oh and would expect me to continue providing the car every year as if not would require additional to cover the cost of that.

So obviously I said sounds fair would you like the shirt off my back while I’m here :rotfl:

The mediator seem to almost support her in recognising these were basic facts that she couldn’t meet her needs alone and that her outgoings were not unreasonable.

I pointed out that 196K was a disproportionate share in her favour of the assets and if those values were agreed they would have to be without any maintenance. Anyway obviously I wouldn’t agree and said frankly I’d rather take my chances with court and loose more of the capital. The mediator agreed that there was no where left to go and that further mediation would not help to resolve the differences of our proposal (no s*** Sherlock...). I felt angry but kept quiet I was made to feel through the whole process that I was being unreasonable.

The mediator suggested our next option was to have a round table with our solicitors, which as you can imagine will incur considerable costs (yes less than court) but I can’t see us agreeing. I’m giving myself some time to calm down, no point discussing with solicitor as she won’t tell me anything I don’t know. Yes going to court may be a risk and I could end up worse off but she did say it was unlikely before that it would be that unfair. I will make a take it or leave it final proposal to her that is fair if she won’t accept I’ll suggest we go to court.

Obviously I’m frustrated, was at my parents Friday night and told them Saturday a lot of the details, as my dad said seems like she wants her cake and eat it and also pointed out she’s sitting on a large 2 way split inheritance in the long term future. I told them how the children are siding with their mum and that my son has not responded to the last 6 times I made contact, I suggested meeting with him but no reply. I said to them that I feel I may as well resign, she can’t have what I haven’t got.

Anyway sorry not to be able to bring happier news.

I wondered if it may be a good idea for her to go south and me move back in the house until it sells, as it’s obviously a long way off. That would give her the chance to find work in the area. However she’d expect me to give her enough to rent somewhere down there on top of everything else.

CH27

Oh Jack she is bonkers! I would start mentioning her future inheritance will have to be included in any calculations.

Are your parents in touch with your children?

JackRS

CH27 wrote: »

Oh Jack she is bonkers! I would start mentioning her future inheritance will have to be included in any calculations.

Are your parents in touch with your children?

Well a bit she has taken them round in the past but it's been a while since they've seen my son.

CH27

JackRS wrote: »

Well a bit she has taken them round in the past but it's been a while since they've seen my son.

Could they try to open up communication with your son or could you suggest to him that he visits them with you?

BigAunty

Did you not notice during your marriage that she was extremely self centred and needy?

How you avoid the temptation to just to bail out overseas where her asset grabbing would be unsuccessful, I don't know.

JackRS

CH27 wrote: »

Could they try to open up communication with your son or could you suggest to him that he visits them with you?

Not sure he's not responding to me, just got to give it time. I know he's frustrated as doesn't want to live with grandparents driving him nuts which I understand. So she's saying to him oh your dad won't let me get somewhere to live down here so you'll have to carry on living here etc.

DollyDee_2

I've read all of this thread but never commented until now.

Her demands beggar belief. £196K plus £1850/month plus extra £850/month plus a car plus a possible £1000/month if/when she gets a job. Plus holidays! Plus additional for the mortgage! Have I got that right?

She won't even share the debt 50/50! £3000. Oh my life.................

I just keep visualising "To The Manor Born" or something.

Selfish madam.

So sorry for you Jack.

kelpie35

Oh Jack not the news I was expecting to hear.

I am sorry to hear that your children are not keeping in touch. I am sure their mother is poisoning their minds, and that is very sad. I am sure, given more time, that they will come to their senses and realise just how much you love them. Please God let this be very soon.

Would retiring early make you happy? would you be able to find things to do with your time? If you had too much time on your hands it might not make you happy.

I have always thought it was a good idea for you to move back into the family home till it is sold. I really think your ex has caused the non sale of the house, for what reason I don't know, it is just a feeling I have.

I would ask her when she is moving out, tell her you are moving back in. I certainly wouldn't increase any more maintenance to her. It is her decision to move south and she has CHOSEN not to find employment for the last 18months or so, so it is her fault she has a shortage of money for the lifestyle she chooses.

How long do think think it would take you to get this to court?