📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

Separated, how much should I provide?

1151152154156157331

Comments

  • JackRS
    JackRS Posts: 1,063 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    edited 6 August 2014 at 9:40AM
    Sorry the format is messed up so difficult to read but you can just about work it out. Hers was hand written but I had created mine in Excel, so created one with her figures, copied the table into word and pasted it from word to here and it creates this mess....

    Expenditure item

    (a) Current


    £

    Housing and outgoings

    Rent or mortgage payments
    0

    Ground rent
    0

    Service charge-British Gas
    18

    Council tax
    12

    Water rates
    25

    Electricity (include Gas)
    133

    Gas or Oil
    0

    Telephone inc mobile
    55

    Property & household insurance
    43



    Financial provision

    Life & endowment insurances
    0

    Loan repayments
    0

    other debt payments inc credit cards
    200



    Household

    Food & household expenses
    363

    Clothing (for yourself)
    50

    Hairdressing
    40

    TV licence/sky
    12

    Pet food & expenses
    100

    Medical, dental & optical
    86



    Sub-total: carry forward
    1,137



    Travelling

    Public transport fares
    0

    Motor vehicle: road tax
    0

    Motor vehicle: insurance
    0

    Petrol, running, parking and repairs
    237

    Motoring organisation
    0



    Children's expenses

    School/nursery/education fees
    0

    Private lessons, sports and other extras
    0

    Child care
    0

    Children's clothing
    0

    Cash allowances & pocket money
    0

    Fares, travelling & school trips
    0

    Children's entertainment, gifts etc.
    0

    Other expenses for children (specify)
    -

    0



    General

    Work expenses
    0

    Professional membership fees & subscriptions
    0

    Maintenance for previous partner or children of that relationship
    0

    Other expenses: (specify)
    -biirthday/Christmas/postage =£60
    -Treats, cinema, eating out etc = £100
    -window cleaner= £6
    -lovefilm=£5
    171

    Total monthly expenditure
    1,545
    Regards

    JackRS
  • lucym
    lucym Posts: 431 Forumite
    I think that if my husband left me after so many years it would take me a very long time to get over it. Your ex was a SAHM, surely that was a joint decision.

    I'm pretty sure that the courts will expect a fair split after such a long marriage.
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Xmas Saver!
    edited 6 August 2014 at 10:29AM
    lucym wrote: »
    I think that if my husband left me after so many years it would take me a very long time to get over it. Your ex was a SAHM, surely that was a joint decision.

    I'm pretty sure that the courts will expect a fair split after such a long marriage.

    A fair split is one thing but that is not what Jack's ex is asking for - she wants it all (despite that fact she has worked some of the time and the fact the "kids" are both legally adults. She is justifying the amount by claiming she wants to move to a very expensive part of the South East from where she lives now and "needs" a three bedroom house as she has two "children" (note their ages)

    There is a world of difference between accepting life has changed and needing to work (something that it is entirely possible Mrs Jack would have done anyway considering she has worked before whilst the kids were growing up and the kids are now 19 and 21)

    She has had over a year to sort herself out and has to date not worked a single day but sat back with her hand out.

    I'm probably much the same age as she is yet when my husband and I split up (leaving me to cope alone with a child with a disability) I could have run to court demanding support for me as well as my child (My ex was a high earner) but after a period of self pity I got off my bum and found work to fit in with not just school hours but extra visits to the school, hospital appointments etc. She has none of that and is behaving like a spineless sap.
    It really irritates me women who want equality in all things.....except when it suits them. She is essentially a single woman - one "child" is at uni -the other doesn't even live with her and she's acting like she has been left with two babies to raise alone.
    I believe that if a woman is left to raise young children alone the father has a massive responsibility - but once the children are grown - it is an entirely different matter. A fifty fifty split is appropriate - but she's looking more at 80% and that simply isn't fair.
    Heaven knows what all this is teaching the kids about relationships !!
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding .....no problem
  • trix-a-belle
    trix-a-belle Posts: 1,532 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Mortgage-free Glee!
    Lucym please read the thread not just the last page or two.

    Jack,
    Her council tax appears low,
    Property/household insurance seems very high, as does the electric, food budget and petrol expenditure
    (For perspective I'm single living in a 4 bed house & have a 60mile round trip for work each day in a petrol car. My monthly figures [in fact everything including mortgage! per month are less than she is stating] against those I have noted as imo high are vastly less even with regular treats)

    I recall (apologies if incorrect) you saying she had no debt apart from the solicitor fees so what is the £200 for debt/credit card, could this be double dipping on something? Ie the solicitor debt that is being captured separately or things she is spending out on & detailing elsewhere in the statement
    - Mortgage: 1st one down, 2nd also busted
    - Student Loan gone
    Swagbucks, Mingle, GiffGaff, Prolific, Qmee & Quidco; thank you MSE every little bit helps
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Xmas Saver!
    Either that formatting is completely messed up or she has just picked figures out of the air...... or if the council tax is correct can I buy your house please Jack ;)

    To pick up on a few -
    medical , dental and optical £86 ???? Even if she had a couple of prescriptions a month and a monthly contact lens plan it is still way too high.
    , £12 a month council tax ? Really ?
    Electric £133 sounds high for two adults,
    house insurance is very high,
    Car expenses £60 a week -she has a lease car you pay for doesn't she so £60 just on petrol with no commuting to work ? Where the heck is she going ???
    Pet food £100 a month- what pets ?
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding .....no problem
  • lucym
    lucym Posts: 431 Forumite
    I have read the thread...

    Duchy, what you decided to do when your husband left you is irrelevant.

    It is unlikely that Jack's ex will ever be able to command the same wages as Jack, wages that Jack can get because she was a SAHM. The financial split needs to take account of that.
  • JackRS
    JackRS Posts: 1,063 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Lucym please read the thread not just the last page or two.

    Jack,
    Her council tax appears low,
    Property/household insurance seems very high, as does the electric, food budget and petrol expenditure
    (For perspective I'm single living in a 4 bed house & have a 60mile round trip for work each day in a petrol car. My monthly figures [in fact everything including mortgage! per month are less than she is stating] against those I have noted as imo high are vastly less even with regular treats)

    I recall (apologies if incorrect) you saying she had no debt apart from the solicitor fees so what is the £200 for debt/credit card, could this be double dipping on something? Ie the solicitor debt that is being captured separately or things she is spending out on & detailing elsewhere in the statement

    The council tax I believe is lower based on her income, not sure if she’s declared the £1150/m I give her?

    Her debts are £7K on credit card she’s paying the minimum and being charged £93 a month interest at the moment. I have a copy of her statement given to me as part of the financial disclosure pack. I can see that she did pay £200 off last month.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Xmas Saver!
    edited 6 August 2014 at 10:57AM
    lucym wrote: »
    I have read the thread...

    Duchy, what you decided to do when your husband left you is irrelevant.

    It is unlikely that Jack's ex will ever be able to command the same wages as Jack, wages that Jack can get because she was a SAHM. The financial split needs to take account of that.

    Indeed it should - but it also needs to be equitable for both - Jack is not a young man in his thirties with twenty plus years of earning potential ahead of him. She is expecting her life style to remain as it was.....Jack is asking for them both to accept a lower standard of lifestyle rather than she keep things as they were (or arguably better with the proposed move) and he be left with a massive mortgage impacting on him for years whilst she is debt free. Fairness works boths ways.

    And if what I consider reasonable is irrelevant then logically what you consider fair is equally irrelevant.
    The marriage has ended. Things are going to change for both of them. Interestingly a lot has been said about how she has "never worked" yet if you look at the pension figures she has a fair amount in there for someone who has never worked.

    I'm starting to see her a bit like parents who stay home to look after their kids and are horrified to discover that once the youngest turns five the government expects them to job seek and find work rather than allow them to stay on benefits permanently.
    No-one is saying Jack should leave her penniless- certainly not Jack himself as you will see assuming you really have read the entire thread- however there is a limited pot of money/marital property. Jack has funded her very generously for the last eighteen months -but during that time she has made almost no effort to secure employment-and still isn't -as she stated in mediation that she will only job seek after she has moved -something that at this point still appears a distant prospect. She has office skills and has done refresher courses. She could be taking on temp or short contract assignments now to both support herself and also to improve her work experience and improve her employ ability in the long term. . It's easy to wonder why she hasn't done this - and if she's deliberately keeping her personal income low.

    There is fairness and there is trying to grab every penny you can regardless of the impact.

    Still if she keeps this up odds are sooner or later Jack's health will suffer even further and he may be forced to consider early retirement - in which case all the talk about his future earnings and ability to take on a mortgage will become irrelevant anyway <shrug>
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding .....no problem
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Xmas Saver!
    JackRS wrote: »
    The council tax I believe is lower based on her income, not sure if she’s declared the £1150/m I give her?

    Her debts are £7K on credit card she’s paying the minimum and being charged £93 a month interest at the moment. I have a copy of her statement given to me as part of the financial disclosure pack. I can see that she did pay £200 off last month.

    Yikes
    My understanding is that child support is ignored for CT purposes but I don't think spousal support will be - might be something to check up on before she ends up with a criminal record as that would impact on her employ ability.
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding .....no problem
  • lucym
    lucym Posts: 431 Forumite
    Looking at ex Mrs JackRS Monthly Expense Schedule it doesn't look as if she is being greedy.

    Her pension will be included in the financial settlement.

    As I said earlier, I'm pretty sure that the courts will expect a fair split after such a long marriage.
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 351.3K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.2K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 453.8K Spending & Discounts
  • 244.3K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 599.5K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 177.1K Life & Family
  • 257.8K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.