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Separated, how much should I provide?

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  • JackRS
    JackRS Posts: 1,063 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    justme111 wrote: »
    Did not look link up - could it be that those guys were proper rich people who could afford it ?
    It's my day off and thinking about your situation while in sauna (sad I know lol) I thought I were you I would try and stop her from renting the house out . It has been given to her to have somewhere to live , not play amateur landlords with ! If she manages to rent it well you will not be able to shift it as she is not going to be motivated to sell it. If she messes it up you may well be dragged into sorting it . That beside setting dangerous precedent of her seeing it as "hers".

    It’s OK I’ve not agreed it being rented out, we have paid half each (which means I paid for it all) to put it up for sale at emoov, for the reasons you mentioned and some others.

    The information on spousal maintenance seems to follow her understanding in that we list our reasonable needs (living costs) and if I have surplus that would be given to her to cover her reasonable needs.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,531 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Looked the link up. I do not see anything depressing there if it was the way it is written I would been very hopeful if I were you. Because it says there should parity between parties . If you take into account your mortgage payment (for the house that s&would be able to accommodate kids no worse than hers,), cs, car and bills for you there would be no t much spare she could get her hands on. Those cases where maintenance is high scare you but imagine - if children are young hindering wife's employment and husband has a house which is his only and wife has housing needs for children because they are young and on top of it some disability hindering employment - that's why it may turn out like that. None of it applies to you.
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,531 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Yes but it as well says she would be expected to take all steps to get employment. Apart from it - have you calculated your reasonable needs ? Is there anything left after those ?
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • JackRS
    JackRS Posts: 1,063 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    justme111 wrote: »
    Looked the link up. I do not see anything depressing there if it was the way it is written I would been very hopeful if I were you. Because it says there should parity between parties . If you take into account your mortgage payment (for the house that s&would be able to accommodate kids no worse than hers,), cs, car and bills for you there would be no t much spare she could get her hands on. Those cases where maintenance is high scare you but imagine - if children are young hindering wife's employment and husband has a house which is his only and wife has housing needs for children because they are young and on top of it some disability hindering employment - that's why it may turn out like that. None of it applies to you.

    Well I hope so but not so sure?
    Regards

    JackRS
  • JackRS
    JackRS Posts: 1,063 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    justme111 wrote: »
    Yes but it as well says she would be expected to take all steps to get employment. Apart from it - have you calculated your reasonable needs ? Is there anything left after those ?

    Well yes at the moment as I haven't got the new mortgage considered yet but obviously I would include that. Depending on what I get from the house will determine what house and mortgage I want/need. My monthly payments will be high as I want to minimise the term to my retirement (e.g. 15 years).
    Regards

    JackRS
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,531 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I know. If it was up to me I would been far harsher on those women thinking their ex has to provide for their needs. Good grief they are talking about money only , imagine if they wanted emotional and sexual ones served as well !
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,531 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    JackRS wrote: »
    Well yes at the moment as I haven't got the new mortgage considered yet but obviously I would include that. Depending on what I get from the house will determine what house and mortgage I want/need. My monthly payments will be high as I want to minimise the term to my retirement (e.g. 15 years).

    Exactly . With a correction - its not that you "want " to minimise term . It is what could be expected , don't think even this female biased laws can expect one to pay mortgage in retirement . Do not forget to include un your needs commuting to see your children .
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • GobbledyGook
    GobbledyGook Posts: 2,195 Forumite
    JackRS wrote: »
    Oh I think it will go to court, she won't agree to my proposal

    I think that will help you.

    Firstly the fact that she has done nothing to help herself (job wise, making housing difficult etc) will go against her. The fact she has not been maximising her own income by claiming what she is entitled too (and therefore also missing out on courses/back to work programmes etc) will also go against her.

    As I've said to you before Jack, she's asking more from you than I asked of my ex and my youngest was a newborn at the time! She's deluded if she thinks you'll be made to fund her entire life forever. I gave up uni for my ex and the judge commented on various aspects of that (at that time I was v.young and he was quite good with the old emotional blackmail) and I still was only given SM until eldest starts secondary school. It also drops at various points - stays the same whilst I'm at uni. Then drops when I'm expected to find work and then drops again when I'm expected to find better paid work after a year or so's experience and then stops. The judge was very firm about me maximising my own income and refused to rubber stamp the agreement we had finally come too (I started the process because ex walked away and paid nothing - to me or the kids. We continued it because he knew/knows he would continue to pay a court agreement even if he went off on one again) just as we hit court. We had to change it, in ex's favour, before it could be finalised.

    She is confusing child maintenance with spousal maintenance in a lot of areas. Child maintenance only goes so far and then it relies on the good will of the other parent (or on the 'child' to contribute) if it continues beyond the point where the child could get a job.
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 7,323 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Personally I think if the case went before a judge sooner rather than later, it would work in your favour. Can't really see how she will get what she thinks she will get considering she hasn't got children under 5 etc. She has children who could work (part time) and help support themselves (really does do young people good rather than harm), as could she. Artificially keeping them as 'children' where daddy will help out every time they want something does no one any good. For example, if they wanted to drive why weren't they paying for their driving lessons?

    Expecting to live mortgage free in the South East is ridiculous! If she wants to move there, let her find a way like the rest of us.
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,531 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Jack , I will keep fingers crossed for you this friday. I am sure you will be able to do the math with regards to court and associated costs versus compromise that could be achieved on mediation. Please do not let your ex's conviction she is due a life long meal ticket cloud your judgement.
    Please remember you.have a changing career card , ie from payroll to consultancy self employed ...
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
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