Separated, how much should I provide?

RAS

JackRS wrote: »

I said if that’s the case you are well rid of me and good luck in finding a better man.

Yeh - well done JackRS.

She needs to learn that emotional blackmail does not work.

Does she do this on the kids?

And what a nerve she has appropriating your jointly raised children (people, family) for her own selfish ends.

Maybe remind her that you divorced her, not DD and DS, both of whom you love dearly.

rpc

JackRS wrote: »

Thank you for your views. Her argument that she has been fed by her solicitor is due to the length of the marriage, coming up to 28 years, she is entitled and no party should be worse off than the other.

So you should be able to buy a house on the south coast (mortgage-free) accommodate the grown children and never have to work again.

JackRS

rpc wrote: »

So you should be able to buy a house on the south coast (mortgage-free) accommodate the grown children and never have to work again.

Indeed, which will be my point!

justme111

Obviously her tactics work , otherwise you would not have doubted your judgement and what we said on here before again and again. Her reasoning is faulty in her assumption that you should share your spare money with either her or children, you entitled to spend it on women , season tickets to football , gambling , and whatever you see fit. And if you.want to spend it on children it is not her blooming business to stick her nose in it. She will have a pot of money after house sold , she may go and rent harrods if she so wishes , or buy in north Korea .You get me angry jack. I noticed you have not commented on.considering. moving into your house or your thoughts about her renting ..

GobbledyGook

Gosh I did/do get spousal maintenance and she infuriates me!!

I know why you are doing in the mediation, but I honestly think that long term you'll be better off in front of a judge in court.

I didn't even get everything we put down for spousal maintenance and we pretty much agreed by the time we got in there!

trix-a-belle

I have been reading along & feel for you jack

Disclaimer I've never been divorced so apologies if I'm potentially on a wrong track or out of the box.

She keeps mentioning her needs; her needs are to be housed, a house in the area of where you have both lived I presume for some time and therefore have friends in 2 bedroom would be ample (note her needs not the grown up children's needs, especially as your son is not living with her)
her wants are to relocate to the south & have space for all the grown children, she should be liable for these as they are extras & perhaps this needs to form some key points of your argument, perhaps backed up with adverts of suitable properties to show variance. Also perhaps the figures of the benefits she could have been claiming in this interim period should be defined & used also (shown against what you've paid perhaps as im guessing it will likely show she's had far greater than many peoples normal salary!)

I'm thinking cold hard facts & figures once put in front of an official might focus the mind as to how unrealistic her requests are.

As with everyone I'm rooting for you!

JackRS

justme111 wrote: »

Obviously her tactics work , otherwise you would not have doubted your judgement and what we said on here before again and again. Her reasoning is faulty in her assumption that you should share your spare money with either her or children, you entitled to spend it on women , season tickets to football , gambling , and whatever you see fit. And if you.want to spend it on children it is not her blooming business to stick her nose in it. She will have a pot of money after house sold , she may go and rent harrods if she so wishes , or buy in north Korea .You get me angry jack. I noticed you have not commented on.considering. moving into your house or your thoughts about her renting ..

It was a consideration, and formed part of my discussion when I offered to buy her out but she didn’t want it as 50% wasn’t enough to buy what she wanted and she didn’t want me then owning the place and her not having anywhere. For me I didn’t really want to live there as it is 45-50 minute drive to work so I would have wanted to sell and move anyway which would incur 2 lots of fees and moving etc. So we agreed to sell online as estate agent weren’t getting anywhere.

I’d thought I might end up going there so let the agents for my rental know and they had lined up new tenants, I was looking at having to rent somewhere else, which would also incur deposit, fees and removal hassle but would have been cheaper monthly. However I felt that it would be better to be able to stay there for the short term or even long term. A friend of mine who rents out lots of properties and had many tenant disputes to deal with, explained how the law looks after tenants, he’s had trouble moving tenants out who haven’t paid rent etc. Anyway he noticed that they hadn’t followed correct procedure for ending contract or putting rent up. I wrote to the agent last week to say I was staying and that the rent was reasonable and if they wanted to put it up I’d refer the notice to a Rent assessment committee for fair evaluation. That was last week, had no reply yet so either they are getting the heavies together to get me out or accepting things, I’ve no doubt they’ll be things to sort out on this front and I may have to move out soon, all part of the joy of freedom…

JackRS

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Gosh I did/do get spousal maintenance and she infuriates me!!

I know why you are doing in the mediation, but I honestly think that long term you'll be better off in front of a judge in court.

I didn't even get everything we put down for spousal maintenance and we pretty much agreed by the time we got in there!

Oh I think it will go to court, she won't agree to my proposal

JackRS

trix-a-belle wrote: »

I have been reading along & feel for you jack

Disclaimer I've never been divorced so apologies if I'm potentially on a wrong track or out of the box.

She keeps mentioning her needs; her needs are to be housed, a house in the area of where you have both lived I presume for some time and therefore have friends in 2 bedroom would be ample (note her needs not the grown up children's needs, especially as your son is not living with her)
her wants are to relocate to the south & have space for all the grown children, she should be liable for these as they are extras & perhaps this needs to form some key points of your argument, perhaps backed up with adverts of suitable properties to show variance. Also perhaps the figures of the benefits she could have been claiming in this interim period should be defined & used also (shown against what you've paid perhaps as im guessing it will likely show she's had far greater than many peoples normal salary!)

I'm thinking cold hard facts & figures once put in front of an official might focus the mind as to how unrealistic her requests are.

As with everyone I'm rooting for you!

Yes this is the point I've calculated what she could have claimed but I understand the court would expect for me to cover first rather than the government?

suze200

JackRS wrote: »

Thank you for your views. Her argument that she has been fed by her solicitor is due to the length of the marriage, coming up to 28 years, she is entitled and no party should be worse off than the other.

If she get's her demands one party is worse off than the other. YOU!

She live's in a mortgage free home and doesn't have to work as you pay for her "needs" whist she does F **K all.

You work your a*s off to pay for a roof over your head and provide for your basics with NO reward for working as anything left over goes to her.