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Separated, how much should I provide?

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  • JackRS
    JackRS Posts: 1,063 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    RAS wrote: »
    "I am not a meal ticket for life."
    "I am not a meal ticket for life."
    "I am not a meal ticket for life."
    "I am not a meal ticket for life."

    Repeat ad nausem

    If you were run over by a bus, she would have to get her act in gear, unless you have some stonking pension in place. Even then, I doubt she could support her lifestyle long-term.

    My mother thought she had a meal-ticket for life. He proved very much otherwise. She did really well despite debts and small children.

    What destroyed her was her resentment of the fact that the meal-ticket proved to be an illusion. If she had just gloried in her successes she would have been so much happier and her children might have wanted her company.

    Thanks, I know you speak from personal experience which clearly made an impression on you so thank you for sharing this insight.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,531 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Jack , for you to live in the house you don't need to buy her out !!!! It is your hoes as much as hers ! If she moves out who could stop you moving in. In fact who could stop you moving in even if she is still there !! Of course she would not agree to it but you do not have to dance to her tune . Have you checked with solicitors if she needs your signature to rent it ? I would explore as well stopping VOLUNTARY maintenance that you paying this new year as she had plenty of time to sort herself out so it would been reasonable for you to expect her to stand on.her feet , if she does not it is not you to blame ! It mat be better for you to let her to take you to court over that maintenance , think about it. If she realises she can not rent the house without your consent and is going to lose maintenance she might become far more motivated in reaching settlement. Of course she will not like it - well in your life pleasing het is not a primary aim , is it ?
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • **Patty**
    **Patty** Posts: 1,385 Forumite
    RAS wrote: »
    "I am not a meal ticket for life."
    "I am not a meal ticket for life."
    "I am not a meal ticket for life."
    "I am not a meal ticket for life."

    Repeat ad nausem

    If you were run over by a bus, she would have to get her act in gear, unless you have some stonking pension in place. Even then, I doubt she could support her lifestyle long-term.

    My mother thought she had a meal-ticket for life. He proved very much otherwise. She did really well despite debts and small children.

    What destroyed her was her resentment of the fact that the meal-ticket proved to be an illusion. If she had just gloried in her successes she would have been so much happier and her children might have wanted her company.

    I get this.

    My mother took my father to the cleaners.....rinsed him & hung him out to dry. My grand-parents paid for her rottweiler.

    He survived. However, my lasting childhood memories are those of bitterness & resentment because he did survive and she was the one who *suffered the indignity of him leaving*.
    Autism Mum Survival Kit: Duct tape, Polyfilla, WD40, Batteries (lots of),various chargers, vats of coffee, bacon & wine. :)
  • RAS
    RAS Posts: 35,768 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    **Patty** wrote: »
    My mother took my father to the cleaners.....rinsed him & hung him out to dry. My grand-parents paid for her rottweiler.

    He survived. However, my lasting childhood memories are those of bitterness & resentment because he did survive and she was the one who *suffered the indignity of him leaving*.

    I probably feel something similar re my mother, although there was nothing to take from the cleaner's which was part of her resentment.

    How did this affect your relationship with the GPs?
    If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing
  • **Patty**
    **Patty** Posts: 1,385 Forumite
    RAS wrote: »
    I probably feel something similar re my mother, although there was nothing to take from the cleaner's which was part of her resentment.

    How did this affect your relationship with the GPs?

    I didn't find out until my early 20's.

    By the age of 19 i'd left home 3 times. At 19 i left, moved 130 miles away & have never looked back.

    Having said that, even at the age of *coff* 46....I never talk about my childhood to anyone in RL.
    Autism Mum Survival Kit: Duct tape, Polyfilla, WD40, Batteries (lots of),various chargers, vats of coffee, bacon & wine. :)
  • Thumper7
    Thumper7 Posts: 272 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Hi Jack


    Your kids, whilst at university or whilst they are dependant adults need a home in each of your houses.


    Neither you or your wife should be in a position where you cannot provide a roof over their heads.


    The least you and your wife need is a 2 bed property each.


    Her demands are totally unrealistic, I know - I agree she is taking the pee, but just a thought for you - can you imagine how scary things are for her. (I can elaborate if needs be).


    And for anyone going to bang on about benefits, she is not eligible.


    I know your lawyer has said keep paying her, but don't cut her off completely and let her have to stand on her own two feet. Its bloody scary for her but you are enabling her.


    I know I know the above is totally contradictory but kids first.


    D
    Smile, you are beautiful:)
  • Caroline_a
    Caroline_a Posts: 4,071 Forumite
    Evening Jack and everybody else! I have solved the mortgage-free dwelling on the South Coast. Here you are!

    Lots to choose from there!:T:T
  • Thumper7
    Thumper7 Posts: 272 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Just one more thing Jack.


    Everyone's divorce and divorce settlement is unique. No two are the same. People will post- well I didn't get this - I got that, I've know someone who got this etc etc. But only you know your marriage, your finances and what you think is fair.


    With what you have posted, I think a 60/40 share in her favour is your best bet (but again that's a finger in the air). How that is divvied up is what counts. 50/50 is a fantastic outcome for you.


    D


    D
    Smile, you are beautiful:)
  • JackRS
    JackRS Posts: 1,063 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Just been reading this on wikivorce:

    ADVICE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE FACING THE POSSIBILITY OF PAYING OR RECEIVING SPOUSAL MAINTENANCE</SPAN>

    Link below


    http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/FAQs/Spousal-Maintenance/ADVICE-FOR-PEOPLE-WHO-ARE-FACING-THE-POSSIBILITY-OF-PAYING-OR-RECEIVING-SPOUSAL-MAINTENANCE.html

    Depressing as although every case different implying 30% of income is not unusual and period can be long
    Regards

    JackRS
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,531 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Did not look link up - could it be that those guys were proper rich people who could afford it ?
    It's my day off and thinking about your situation while in sauna (sad I know lol) I thought I were you I would try and stop her from renting the house out . It has been given to her to have somewhere to live , not play amateur landlords with ! If she manages to rent it well you will not be able to shift it as she is not going to be motivated to sell it. If she messes it up you may well be dragged into sorting it . That beside setting dangerous precedent of her seeing it as "hers".
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
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