Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

kelpie35 wrote: »

I am so pleased for you with regards to you meeting up with your daughter :j

I do hope you have a really nice fathers day cos you certainly deserve it.

I hope that you are able to get some definite outcome from your solicitor's phone call. Remember she is working for you and your are paying her a massive amount of money for her service :mad:

I still think that is a wise move to move back to the family home, but I do understand your hesitation as it will certainly bring back bad memories. If you can think along the lines as a temporary measure, I am sure with you in residence, it will sell much quicker. I have often felt that your ex has not tried her hardest to support this sale.

Hope you enjoy your weekend, take care.

Thanks yes it’s a stepping stone, I think my problem will be to get her to agree to accept a 50/50 at this stage. However it will be better that she won’t have to clear the house until she’s got her own place. Although she will still be bitter that I’m not providing rent on top of current payments and car?

Caroline_a

It sounds that whatever you do she's going to be bitter. She is accustomed to you paying for everything, and now unfortunately that time is coming to an end. Hopefully she will show herself to be a good role model to your daughter, that girls do not need to marry someone with a large pay cheque to be successful, and that they should work hard to be successful in their own right.

Enjoy Father's Day!

justme111

JackRS wrote: »

Thanks yes it’s a stepping stone, I think my problem will be to get her to agree to accept a 50/50 at this stage. However it will be better that she won’t have to clear the house until she’s got her own place. Although she will still be bitter that I’m not providing rent on top of current payments and car?

if she does not agree to 50/50 you still could agree that you move in before the house sells.
Correct me if I am wrong - it was agreed that she lives in the house , not rents it out. You are an owner of it as much as she is and if you don't agree to it being rent out she will not be able to do it.
I breckon she forgot it is not her house , may be time to give a tap on the shoulder and remind it.
Re your .75 % £65000 mortgage - welcome to the real world
A lot of scenarios to ponder - you buying her out , house being sold before split agreed , house being sold after split agreed .. I would not hope she agrees to 50/50 so would not count on buying her out any time soon

JackRS

My daughters 21st on Tuesday so the 3 of us (yes including the ex) went for a meal and managed to avoid conflict. Last night I had a discussion with the ex about the options with the house. I spoke about how we need to review our options and come to some agreement as involving the solicitors has been very expensive. She’s also sitting on a credit card debt, not a s big as mine but paying interest. I asked why she didn’t go the legal aid route but the company she went to didn’t do it and apparently made her feel that things would be OK as it would all come out of the settlement.

I suggested one option may be for me to get a mortgage to buy the house again, but for her portion. She was concerned that the proportion would not be fair as she had no chance of a mortgage and had to provide a home for our children. Also concerned at how the value would be assessed. I said we need to work out what we believe to be fair and reasonable in terms of how we split things. She said that with being married a long time and the fact she stopped working to look after the children and ‘run’ the house she was entitled to an equal share of our combined pension, and to continue to receive maintenance payments. I said for agreed period for her to get established maybe but at some point I’d like to reduce to CSA levels. That maybe she should move down with her parents try to get a job then see what her options were in terms of housing. The key point being I wanted us to come up with proposal for a fair and reasonable share of things. She said some nasty things about how I was a shadow of the man she thought I was, how I could be so cruel and mean as to only give her one third of my income when there is 3 of them and only one of me. I said that compared to other cases she had received more than others in a similar situation, plus living in a mortgage free house and a new car provided. I know it’ll take time to establish herself and start to earn and that I would obviously continue to support the children (adults now) when needed.

We’ll see how things go with our first draft of ideas then probably need to go to mediation. Just want to avoid wasting any more money on arguing through the solicitors. All the silly questions about the form E, what was this money spent on etc etc I guess to establish if we’ve hidden cash away somewhere. For example my solicitor question one of her cheques for £40 what was it for, it was for treatment from a Chiropractor. Does it really matter, equally I was ask to account for all items on my bank statement. For the Form E activity forms etc I was charged £2500 which considering I completed the forms electronically and provided back up evidence etc… just not good use of money.

The problem I may have is not getting a mortgage, due to my credit rating. I’m trying through my bank first as I’ve been with them a long time so they have my account history etc.

RAS

Blimey

She is actually talking to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And well done for taking the crap and staying OK (even if it hurt).

She is angry and that seems to feed her intransigence. if she can let go of that then there may be more hope?

It may be worth pointing out that you have suggested whilst still together that she needed to work (If I recall your early posts correctly) but she gradually gave up work and then volunterring?.

thorsoak

It was appear that she has forgotten that the children are growing up - your daughter is now 21, and your son is 18? 19? In all probability, they will both move away within the next 5 years, and legally, you have no obligation to house them after they leave education.

What she demands and what she will actually get may have a lot of slack water between.

But well done, for having had the conversation!

suze200

I have been lurking on your thread. What your wife fails to realise is that is not your responsibility to fund her or adult children for ever. If your kids were young CSA is still only 20% of your income FOR THEM, not her. However she is correct that she is entitled to 50% of house and property but NOT maintenance for herself as well.

What you give to adult children is really between you and them.

JackRS

suze200 wrote: »

I have been lurking on your thread. What your wife fails to realise is that is not your responsibility to fund her or adult children for ever. If your kids were young CSA is still only 20% of your income FOR THEM, not her. However she is correct that she is entitled to 50% of house and property but NOT maintenance for herself as well.

What you give to adult children is really between you and them.

Hi Suze200, and welcome. I agree 50% is the minmum and starting point but her solicitor has advised that due to the length of marriage and her earning capacity she is entitled to more than 50% and is also entitled to spousal maintenance on top of CSA. So obviously she'll be requesting Spousal maintenance for life. I'd prefer a time limit, obviously.

suze200

Her solicitor will obviously try to get the best outcome for her as she is their client. However marrying her did not make your are her keeper. She is a healthy adult with the capacity to earn her own money, just like you. If I were you I'd be so tempted to resign. She can't have what you haven't got can she.

RAS

suze200 wrote: »

She can't have what you haven't got can she.

It is called cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Can see however why some people decide to take jobs outside the UK.