Separated, how much should I provide?

justme111

Gigervamp wrote: »

If your ex is only looking for office jobs, she's limiting her options. What about retail?

She obviously does not look for a job seriously and its understandable - she bee out of work for ages so its difficult to change a mindset , what seems simple and straightforward to you or me is not so for many people. It has been just a year since split and she must have been destroyed by it. She been thinking about moving so did not have her heart in starting a job. She was used to income which is miles away from what she could get in unskilled jobs and adjusting is not just a switch that can be turned. And a decisive factor of course was that it is easier to get money from jack so motivation that we all have and take for granted was missing in her case.
Jack , you know all will be fine , have a good sleep and a good weekend.

justme111

She went to solicitors and they told her "you entitled to this ". Are you., people who are so quick in criticising her , sure that you would have replied "no thank I don't want it " ? . How would one refuse something that corresponds one by law ?

19lottie82

Gigervamp wrote: »

If your ex is only looking for office jobs, she's limiting her options. What about retail?

Call me sceptical but I have a funny feeling that jacks ex wouldn't be so keen to take up a minimum wage job.

duchy

justme111 wrote: »

She went to solicitors and they told her "you entitled to this ". Are you., people who are so quick in criticising her , sure that you would have replied "no thank I don't want it " ? . How would one refuse something that corresponds one by law ?

I think its very easy to use money as the main weapon as a stick to beat a departed partner with- especially when a split is still raw but in time your self respect kicks in and you want to show them that you don't need them and WANT to assert independence.

I do believe solicitors make divorces much more painful than they could be with these tactics of demanding far more than a court will ever reasonably award as part of negotiation. The system is basically broken.

JackRS

Spoke to solicitor last night she rang me just as I was walking to play a tennis match, typical been trying to get hold of her all week. She’s been in court last 3 days so was catching up and had read my email that I sent Monday with my proposal and we had a quick 5 minute chat (£20). She agreed that me offering to buy her out of the house might be a good idea if I can get a mortgage for half the value as that would give her cash to put down as a healthy deposit and not waiting for a buyer etc when she moves south. She agreed that I shouldn’t pay rent for her that as I said it would make more sense to stay at parents get a job then work out where to live and what she can afford etc. She thinks I should keep up the current monthly payments to her but agrees we should set some time limit (e.g Christmas or when she’s working which ever comes first) but I’d then reduce to CSA 15% until son is 20 Feb 2016 or earlier if no longer in FTE. Not sure she’ll accept 50% of the house at this stage, but it means she can go, doesn’t have to worry about clearing house out, can do that when’s she’s got somewhere. I can move back in, not that I want to, but it’s a step in the process. I’ve arranged a phone call with solicitor at 2:30pm today to discuss in more detail. She told me that ex’s solicitor had written to her saying he no longer represented her and to direct correspondence directly to her. I knew that hers was retiring but thought someone was taking over. I suspect she’ll appoint a new one close to her parents?

Next thing is to see if I can get a mortgage, as I may sell the place within the next year I don’t want to be tied in to a product with a heavy redemption fee, so probably need a more flexible product. All a bit scary, my last mortgage that I finished paying in 2010 was 0.17% above base rate so I was paying 0.67% on a £68K mortgage. Bit scary thinking about £150K mortgage for 15 years taking me into retirement age…

Oh and meeting my daughter tonight and spending Sunday with her. Bit of a change from fathers day last year when I didn't even get a text from either of my children.

Caroline_a

That all sounds much more positive and realistic, Jack. Your ex has to start accepting that the has to stand on her own two feet, and this seems like a sensible way to do this.

Hopefully her new solicitor will be more in tune with what is acceptable than the previous one was. As a matter of interest, how is she affording to pay her solicitor's fees - or are you paying for that too?

JackRS

Caroline_a wrote: »

That all sounds much more positive and realistic, Jack. Your ex has to start accepting that the has to stand on her own two feet, and this seems like a sensible way to do this.

Hopefully her new solicitor will be more in tune with what is acceptable than the previous one was. As a matter of interest, how is she affording to pay her solicitor's fees - or are you paying for that too?

Thanks for your support.

She's doing the same as me and is paying on a credit card but I don't know what the current situation i suspect her parents have cleared it for her as they are wealthy.

In the end she expects me to cover all costs

RAS

JackRS wrote: »

Oh and meeting my daughter tonight and spending Sunday with her. Bit of a change from fathers day last year when I didn't even get a text from either of my children.

Glad that relationships are improving.

And as your "children" move away from mum's wing, they will develop a health scepticism about both their parents and probably come to understand why things did not work out.

And re that mortgage; it is not for ever, just til you decide to sell on and live the life you want.

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

Glad that relationships are improving.

And as your "children" move away from mum's wing, they will develop a health scepticism about both their parents and probably come to understand why things did not work out.

And re that mortgage; it is not for ever, just til you decide to sell on and live the life you want.

Thanks hope so...

Well not sure I'll get one yet as bad credit rating, may have to go to my bank, so may not be teh best product out there?

kelpie35

I am so pleased for you with regards to you meeting up with your daughter :j

I do hope you have a really nice fathers day cos you certainly deserve it.

I hope that you are able to get some definite outcome from your solicitor's phone call. Remember she is working for you and your are paying her a massive amount of money for her service :mad:

I still think that is a wise move to move back to the family home, but I do understand your hesitation as it will certainly bring back bad memories. If you can think along the lines as a temporary measure, I am sure with you in residence, it will sell much quicker. I have often felt that your ex has not tried her hardest to support this sale.

Hope you enjoy your weekend, take care.