Separated, how much should I provide?

Caroline_a

JackRS wrote: »

I hear what you’re saying and I did propose a long time ago to pay the CSA recommended but was advised against it by the wikkidivorce recommended solicitor?

Did they give any reason for this? I think your solicitor is so wrong in so much of the advice that you've been given. I don't believe that any legal professional worth his salt would recommend that you pay out to an ex more than you can afford. Madness!

JackRS

Caroline_a wrote: »

Did they give any reason for this? I think your solicitor is so wrong in so much of the advice that you've been given. I don't believe that any legal professional worth his salt would recommend that you pay out to an ex more than you can afford. Madness!

I can see the misunderstanding now and that’s down to me, I’m sorry for misleading you and not making it clear.

So my son will be in FTE for another year after this and will still be under 20 so he qualifies for CSA 15%.

My monthly living costs on top of paying the voluntary maintenance I pay is not more than I earn and this includes me paying the minimum credit card payments (£200/month). The issue is I don’t have much spare to clear the debt, so on top of the £6K I left with this debt was increased by:

• £2600 in driving lessons and test fees during 2013 (both children passed end of 2013))
• £1000 deposit for rental
• £1000 for bed,washing m/c and freezer for rentle
• £6,000 in legal fees.

My charges from the solicitor vary from £200 to £2000 each month depending on what they’ve done.

My ex’s complaint is that I keep the majority of my income (2/3rds) and she only gets 1/3rd when there is 3 of them.

The reason the solicitor suggested Ipay was this was considered reasonable in terms of what is needed to pay house bills and food, enough to live on.

Mojisola

JackRS wrote: »

My ex’s complaint is that I keep the majority of my income (2/3rds) and she only gets 1/3rd when there is 3 of them.

But she doesn't have to pay rent and could have increased her income quite substantially by claiming benefits which she has refused to do.

justme111

Her reasoning could be objected to on so many lines it would taken me an hour to type. In ant case that's what solicitors are for.

GobbledyGook

The income your ex has before you top up anything (above the 15%) should/needs to include the benefits income she can claim.

If she was spending X amount per month on nail polish* then you wouldn't give her an extra X per month because she 'needed' it - you'd, quite rightly, expect nail polish to come after expenses. That is how this should be working - you shouldn't be paying that money instead of her claiming what she is entitled too just because you can.

*insert any other random item not strictly necessary if it cannot be afforded

JackRS

GobbledyGook wrote: »

The income your ex has before you top up anything (above the 15%) should/needs to include the benefits income she can claim.

If she was spending X amount per month on nail polish* then you wouldn't give her an extra X per month because she 'needed' it - you'd, quite rightly, expect nail polish to come after expenses. That is how this should be working - you shouldn't be paying that money instead of her claiming what she is entitled too just because you can.

*insert any other random item not strictly necessary if it cannot be afforded

I realise that which is why I gave her links to things that she could claim for but her prefered route was following her solicitors advice and getting it out of me. So if anyone knows how it would be possible to just provide 15% and not face a maintenance pending suit thing I'd like to know.

GobbledyGook

JackRS wrote: »

I realise that which is why I gave her links to things that she could claim for but her prefered route was following her solicitors advice and getting it out of me. So if anyone knows how it would be possible to just provide 15% and not face a maintenance pending suit thing I'd like to know.

She's going to have to learn that her preferred route isn't always going to work. I HATED claiming tax credits during the point that my ex and I first split up. It grated against me because 'we' could afford our children, but your wife has had plenty of time to adjust to the fact that you are not 'we' anymore.

You'll probably have to go to court ultimately because unless yo are paying for everything she's not going to be happy.

I'm not saying there should be no spousal maintenance - especially if she gave up years of earning potential to be a stay at home parent, but what you need to be doing is negotiating how much and for how long.

What does she intend to do - go back to work, college, uni?
Is she taking a share of your pension? She shouldn't have everything from you now AND everything for you then.
What percentage of the house is your solicitor suggesting she gets?

For example someone I know gave/agreed their ex wife should have 100% of the house. It is worth around 750k, but there is no spousal maintenance, he keeps his pension and they've taken that as a clean break from each other.

For me; I got all the stocks and shares that were in my name (there was around 50/50 split between us); I got 100% of the house, but that was balanced between the equity in that and the differences between our pensions and I got limited spousal maintenance (a certain amount until DS1 starts school, dropping in increments until it stops when he starts high school) to allow me to go to uni. I had to maximise the income I could before showing how much I 'needed' from him and I can't see a court that wouldn't expect your ex to do the same.


Jack, what do YOU think is fair? Have you actually pushed your solicitor to push for what you think (or as mine did start higher and work up/down) or have you (understandably) let the fact you feel bad push you into accepting your ex's demands?

JackRS

GobbledyGook wrote: »

She's going to have to learn that her preferred route isn't always going to work. I HATED claiming tax credits during the point that my ex and I first split up. It grated against me because 'we' could afford our children, but your wife has had plenty of time to adjust to the fact that you are not 'we' anymore.

You'll probably have to go to court ultimately because unless yo are paying for everything she's not going to be happy.

I'm not saying there should be no spousal maintenance - especially if she gave up years of earning potential to be a stay at home parent, but what you need to be doing is negotiating how much and for how long.

What does she intend to do - go back to work, college, uni?
Is she taking a share of your pension? She shouldn't have everything from you now AND everything for you then.
What percentage of the house is your solicitor suggesting she gets?

For example someone I know gave/agreed their ex wife should have 100% of the house. It is worth around 750k, but there is no spousal maintenance, he keeps his pension and they've taken that as a clean break from each other.

For me; I got all the stocks and shares that were in my name (there was around 50/50 split between us); I got 100% of the house, but that was balanced between the equity in that and the differences between our pensions and I got limited spousal maintenance (a certain amount until DS1 starts school, dropping in increments until it stops when he starts high school) to allow me to go to uni. I had to maximise the income I could before showing how much I 'needed' from him and I can't see a court that wouldn't expect your ex to do the same.


Jack, what do YOU think is fair? Have you actually pushed your solicitor to push for what you think (or as mine did start higher and work up/down) or have you (understandably) let the fact you feel bad push you into accepting your ex's demands?

Thank you, I don’t accept what she's asking for but as ever it'll be a compromise depending what is most important to us.

I think the following is fair:

· 50/50 house.
· paying 15% until our son is 20.
· No share of my pension
· Providing her with a car for another year

Thumper7

Hi


I think you will have to share your pension.


Depending how much your pension is worth and how much she will be entitled to, you could offset that against the house.


Does your wife have a pension in her own right.


D

JackRS

Thumper7 wrote: »

Hi


I think you will have to share your pension.


Depending how much your pension is worth and how much she will be entitled to, you could offset that against the house.


Does your wife have a pension in her own right.


D

Yes she had one from working for BBC then IBM but only has 10 years of contributions and the state pension.