Separated, how much should I provide?

CH27

I'd take my chances with a court case Jack.

Vicky123

Caroline_a wrote: »

Instructed to?? By whom? I am astonished that in this day and age any woman can claim maintenance for herself when her children are over school age. Even the State thinks you should go out and get a job. And £4k for fees?? Are you employing Rumpole?? So what happens if you just stop paying? They take you to court. You represent yourself. Tell the judge just how much you have had to borrow and how little money you have left.

I cannot believe that any judge would allow this level of blackmail from your ex and her legal team. You are being taken for a huge ride.

Please believe the Judge can make the most dreadful decisions, no matter if they are out of step with current thinking or even the opposite, so desperately trendy they potentially put vulnerable people at risk. When you are talking legal issues, whether in or out of court it's essential you have the best solicitor/barrister.
Overwhelming evidence can be discredited in skilful hands.
I would be seriously questioning the wikivorce recommended solicitor, every case is different, this doesn't sound straightforward, your ex is hanging on like a parasite and won't easily give up her grip until she's sucked the life out of you.
If you can possibly run to it then get the best legal team available, do not under any circumstances think being in the right will win through or listen to the old chestnut that a judge will see through lies, he isn't psychic, he sees what the most skilled want him to see.

JackRS

Vicky123 wrote: »

Please believe the Judge can make the most dreadful decisions, no matter if they are out of step with current thinking or even the opposite, so desperately trendy they potentially put vulnerable people at risk. When you are talking legal issues, whether in or out of court it's essential you have the best solicitor/barrister.
Overwhelming evidence can be discredited in skilful hands.
I would be seriously questioning the wikivorce recommended solicitor, every case is different, this doesn't sound straightforward, your ex is hanging on like a parasite and won't easily give up her grip until she's sucked the life out of you.
If you can possibly run to it then get the best legal team available, do not under any circumstances think being in the right will win through or listen to the old chestnut that a judge will see through lies, he isn't psychic, he sees what the most skilled want him to see.

Well the Barrister my Solictors firm have assigned to the court hearing is has experience in this type of case I know he'll cost £1500 for the day.

kelpie35

Do you know when your court case is?

I really hope things can be sorted for you very soon, Jack

You have always tried to help your family and have to be admired for that.

I really feel it is now your time to have some happiness and I hope it comes to you very soon.

Take care

Vicky123

JackRS wrote: »

Well the Barrister my Solictors firm have assigned to the court hearing is has experience in this type of case I know he'll cost £1500 for the day.

That seems to be pretty much the going rate from my own experience, not trying to worry you just pre-warned is pre-armed, make sure you have plenty of time with the barrister to go through everything, remember he's working for you. Do not find yourself entering a court room with a complete stranger, he needs to familiarise himself with this case not just speed read.
Good luck

GobbledyGook

Jack please read what I posted on the last page.

Yes a court case might cost you a lot in the short term, but long term you need to have someone who is fighting for you... If your legal people roll over at every request your ex is just going to keep going for more.

I understand you are worried about your children, but they are old enough to make their own minds up. If they are going to be unduly influenced by their mother against you do you really think that won't happen anyway?

You need to have the money to be able to live, to treat your children occasionally and to move on with your life. Your legal people should be the ones helping you fight that.

I don't know anyone who has been given a settlement like your wife and due to the nature of my husband's work (away a lot, unsocial hours in the office, never ending street) I know a fair number of divorced people!

Caroline_a

Totally agree with Gobbledygook. I have been through 2 divorces. In my last divorce I had a solicitor as my ex fought me for everything including custody, the house, etc etc. I never had a barrister. I represented myself, answered the questions, told the truth and was quiet when I had to be.

It still cost me a lot of money, just for my solicitor who did the forms, etc, but everything else that had to be done in front of the judge was done by me. I still think you are being taken for a ride!!! Someone is getting rich by making you poor!!

springdreams

A solicitor may only act in accordance with his / her client's instructions and wishes. The solicitor will therefore only push back against Jack's ex's ridiculous demands if Jack tells them to.

I highly suspect that Jack's solictor is not behaving in a manner a number of us think they should because Jack is not allowing them to, as he is more concerned about what his adult children will think of him if he doesn't give in to his ex's demands to support her in a fashion which means that she does not have to work. She is playing the victim card to the hilt, and is getting her legal team to ask for everything including the kitchen sink because she knows Jack will be made out to be the bad guy in front of his kids if he does not give in to her demands.

Jack, if this is indeed the case you seriously need to let the dogs off their leashes, and give your lawyers the go ahead to fight for you. That way there is a better chance of everyone getting a fair and reasonable settlement.

ampersand

Oh Jack - I am just back from NZ[beloved Uncle's 90th] and wish I was surprised to find you in an even worse situation, in £umbers terms, than you were when I left in April.

I have done but a brief gist read down this page to see as much and certain excellent comments from others jump out:

caroline - If their mother is set on turning them against you, money won't stop that.
vicky - entirety of post 1205. esp where emboldened
'Please believe the Judge can make the most dreadful decisions, no matter if they are out of step with current thinking or even the opposite, so desperately trendy they potentially put vulnerable people at risk. When you are talking legal issues, whether in or out of court it's essential you have the best solicitor/barrister.
Overwhelming evidence can be discredited in skilful hands.
I would be seriously questioning the wikivorce recommended solicitor, every case is different, this doesn't sound straightforward, your ex is hanging on like a parasite and won't easily give up her grip until she's sucked the life out of you.
If you can possibly run to it then get the best legal team available, do not under any circumstances think being in the right will win through or listen to the old chestnut that a judge will see through lies, he isn't psychic, he sees what the most skilled want him to see

gobbledygook- You need to have the money to be able to live, to treat your children occasionally and to move on with your life.

springdreams - A solicitor may only act in accordance with his / her client's instructions and wishes. .....Jack, if this is indeed the case you seriously need to let the dogs off their leashes, and give your lawyers the go ahead to fight for you.

#####
Jack, I beg of you, follow this advice NOW.

31...yes, THIRTY-ONE, pages of good people have been giving you essentially the same advice over and over again, since you came to us, so openly, in April of last year.

You had already been out of the so-called marital home 6 months. You impressed us from the first with your decency.

Come on Jack, start being decent to yourself. You are being steam-rollered and this must not continue.

JackRS

Thanks everyone.

I sent an email to my ex following on from the discussion about her moving south and me maybe moving back in, the essence of the email I received from the ex went as follows:

Can go south from the 4th July, would be nice to have the Summer with both daughter and son before she goes off to London uni and perhaps more chance of holiday work down there.

If we don't rent the house out not sure how I will afford to rent down there? Pros and cons as always. Less hassle if you move back in, in terms of preparing the property for tenants etc and all the paperwork but then no rental money for us to use unless you are willing to give us what you were spending on rent or a contribution? Which might then help you make your decision if you are reluctant to do that! How much do you pay each month if you don't mind me asking? Obviously I would be looking for work so might struggle initially. Lots to consider as always.


I’ve written to solicitor and phoned yesterday, she’s been in court last 2 days so left a message for her to call back, hopefully she’ll call back today to advise my options. Well I know my options but not sure which will be best for the final outcome?