Separated, how much should I provide?

[Deleted User]

I don't really understand why you haven't gone to court to sort out a fair maintenance amount, particularly in view of only having one child under 20. Going to court would let you both know where you stand, stop some of the wrangling going on and take it out of your hands in case of any backlash from ex/children? Might save some solicitors fees as well, in the long run. I doubt the court would have much patience with your ex's assertion that she doesn't have to claim child tax credit/HB etc and as has been said over and over.., your ex doesn't 'have' to get a job when she has you covering her expenses. She has done IT courses but where's the job? Shouldn't she be doing (as she doesn't have young children to bring up and collect from school etc) any job she can get like most people? She's had a year to make 'adjusments' and hasn't it seems to me. Are you doing her/your children any favours by not letting them see what life really is like?

JackRS

justme111 wrote: »

You sound very sound jack , good te read it. As I said before whatever happens its not going to be worse than now when you both have 0% from your house and pay maintenance. So chin up ,and writing a compnt to actuaries for takingng so long , doing something about house sale and moving back if its okd by solicitors now. I don't think it is just a coincidence that the opportunity to move back presented at the same .time as your rental expired.
Re your expenses - well you both live beyond your means now(new furniture and driving lessons ) , good news is that it is temporary so I would not panic if I.were you and I probably would have spent it the.same.
(Thinking ...) - nei , i would have got sofas from freecycle
Otherwise.the same

Got the sofa from FMH it was from the Kid's lounge (xbox room) nightmare to get out the house and into the rental, probably have to leave it there? all I bought was bed, washing m/c, freezer and a microwave.

JackRS

deannatrois wrote: »

I don't really understand why you haven't gone to court to sort out a fair maintenance amount, particularly in view of only having one child under 20. Going to court would let you both know where you stand, stop some of the wrangling going on and take it out of your hands in case of any backlash from ex/children? Might save some solicitors fees as well, in the long run. I doubt the court would have much patience with your ex's assertion that she doesn't have to claim child tax credit/HB etc and as has been said over and over.., your ex doesn't 'have' to get a job when she has you covering her expenses. She has done IT courses but where's the job? Shouldn't she be doing (as she doesn't have young children to bring up and collect from school etc) any job she can get like most people? She's had a year to make 'adjusments' and hasn't it seems to me. Are you doing her/your children any favours by not letting them see what life really is like?

Court hearing was postponed as her solicitor wanted to include state pensions in calculation, new date not set but requested.

I agree with you and apparently she has applied for jobs but as it’s been 20 years since she last worked in an office not getting any interviews. Now she’s going south won’t be applying until down there. I don’t know if I can reduce my contribution without there been some come back I suspect my solicitor will advise against it. I called again today but can’t get hold of her. I’ve asked them to ask her for time that we can have a discussion.

Mojisola

JackRS wrote: »

I agree with you and apparently she has applied for jobs but as it’s been 20 years since she last worked in an office not getting any interviews.

She's had a year to work as a volunteer with a charity and get some work experience to put on her CV.

She sabotaging her own prospects so that she can continue to milk you for every penny.

duchy

I wonder if there is an argument to be made that she has deliberately made herself homeless by moving out of the marital home so you have no obligation to pay any of her rent..............however as she would also be demonstrating she has no interest in the marital home -it could be for the good.

I think my biggest concern would be that you are giving the judge the impression that you have set a precedent for keeping her in style by paying so much more - and it would be unfair on her to stop it after 18 months or 2 years unless she finds a job ( and she's not going to be looking very hard if that's the case)

I think you sould be asking your solicitor about this when you have your discussions ( or put ALL of your questions in an email to them and arrange a time to discuss their response)

duchy

JackRS wrote: »

I agree with you and apparently she has applied for jobs but as it’s been 20 years since she last worked in an office not getting any interviews. Now she’s going south won’t be applying until down there.

She's done other jobs though ? Didn't she work in a school four or five years ago ?

justme111

Mojisola wrote: »

She's had a year to work as a volunteer with a charity and get some work experience to put on her CV.

She sabotaging her own prospects so that she can continue to milk you for every penny.

To be fair she is likely to do it not at a conscious level .

JackRS

duchy wrote: »

I wonder if there is an argument to be made that she has deliberately made herself homeless by moving out of the marital home so you have no obligation to pay any of her rent..............however as she would also be demonstrating she has no interest in the marital home -it could be for the good.

I think my biggest concern would be that you are giving the judge the impression that you have set a precedent for keeping her in style by paying so much more - and it would be unfair on her to stop it after 18 months or 2 years unless she finds a job ( and she's not going to be looking very hard if that's the case)

I think you sould be asking your solicitor about this when you have your discussions ( or put ALL of your questions in an email to them and arrange a time to discuss their response)

Yes sent an email Monday with a number of questions and proposals, followed up each day with a phone call not got a time yet. Obviously she's working on many other cases and was at court Monday Tuesday this week. She's in office today but is in meetings, so have asked for a specific time for a phone call.

Gigervamp

If your ex is only looking for office jobs, she's limiting her options. What about retail?

JackRS

Spoke to solicitor briefly this evening she agrees my proposal to buy her out the share of the house, Got a further discussion with solicitor Friday afternoon.