Too late to back out? (Meeting a guy from Facebook)

jenhug

Well you have made up your mind you have to sleep with him otherwise he will be cross (never mind how his wife and kids will feel if they find out).

Just use protection cos if he is dipping in you (and the Mrs) then you can bet money he is dipping elsewhere too.

You aren't in love, you are obsessed. Grow up.

thorsoak

tigercubx wrote: »

My older sister lives in New Zealand. I haven't seen her in years but she added me on Facebook last Christmas. I have struggled with depression for several years and we got talking about it, and she said that her friend is a speech therapist for children but as part of his training he had studied psychology and conditions such as depression in detail over quite a long period of time.

So she passed on his Facebook to me, and we got talking, it moved onto Skype calls and FaceTime. He was nice, understanding, etc. I actually fell for him really quickly, over the Internet, sad I know. At first it was conversations about my depression; I really opened up to him and he understood, and I could talk to him and confess to him about a lot of traumatic things I've never told anyone before.

At first I wasn't that attracted to him even though he's gorgeous because i knew he was a married christian with four kids so in a way i just didnt want to allow my self to become obsessed with him. Plus he is 34, I'm 21 and I prefer men my own age. But slowly I began to become more and more attracted to him (he looks like Christian bale haha).

He is the one who began flirting with me & before long we were skyping everyday. Sexual conversations, sexual webcam chats, etc. We were going to meet in feb but I backed out, I couldn't bring my self to meet him when I knew he had kids and a wife (I only know because I have his Facebook, had I met him some other way I know he wouldn't have told me). Even though he was annoyed I didn't want to go through with meeting him in feb he still carried on talking to me and we've become closer.

Anyway he rang me today, said he had a suprise and sent me a pic - he's got a plane ticket & is coming to England to meet some guy he knows in London on the 21st and wants me to meet him :eek::eek: I want to; I think he's amazing, he's gorgeous, he's my dream man basically and far too good for me

But obviously, he has a wife and kids. And I guess I could meet him just as friends, but I know he doesn't want to be just friends .. I don't want to back out - I pretty much love him, I want to be with him. But meeting him will cause a lot of guilt, and I know I will only get to see him for three days and he will go back to nz and never contact me again once he's got what he wants. I like to think he genuinely likes me, but I definitely like him a hell of a lot more.

So do I move on, or do I meet him? He doesn't know my address, but he knows the (small) village I live in so omg what if he comes to my house if I don't show up and go to London lol.

Listen, little tigercub, listen to me. This man talks to you - how often? Every evening for an hour or so? Then he'll talk to someone else in another part of the world - probably USA or Canada, or maybe even Russia. He flirts, he sexts - and you are bowled over, and have decided that you love him. YOU LOVE HIM????? Sorry, girl - but you are CRAZY!

You don't know him. You are acquainted with a side that he presents to you. But do you know how he walks? How he tosses his head, clicks his fingers? Do you know if he drums his fingers on a table or his knees? Do you know what he smells like? No? Of course you don't - how can you? Because YOU HAVEN'T MET HIM!

Oh sorry - you know his mind, because he has told you. He's told you that his marriage is over - but what about his 4 children- are they over? Can they be disposed of? Of course they can't. And neither is his marriage - this is how he gets his rocks off!

And he's shown you an airline ticket? That's good of him - so he's going to give up his career in NZ, give up his wife and children and come over here and set up home over here? With you? Dream on, duckie - it aint gonna happen!

If he comes over, if he meets you and stays with you it will be because it will be cheaper than a hotel and there will be added benefits.

Just forget him. Block him on F/B, forget the skype - and start to live life.

Even if it all were real - would you really want a man who could leave a wife and children on the other side of the world? Because if he does it once, he can do it twice ....or thrice!

marisco_2

I really respect you thorsoak. You speak so much sense.

meritaten

I cant believe the OP thinks that he a good Christian man who loves her? good Christian men don't cheat on their wives and kids. good Christian men don't 'groom' women over the internet and Skype. and good Christian men don't screw women they haven't met in person!

I think he isn't a good Christian man -he may or may not have a wife and four kids but he thinks you will be good for a few nights stay with sex thrown in! Talk about playing you like a violin - he has you exactly where he wants you by 'understanding' you, saying what you want to hear and being everything you want. That is 'grooming' you girl! If you fall for all this Bullsh*t you will get hurt. But, I bet you wont listen as you think he is the knight on the white charger.

Lunar_Eclipse

tigercubx wrote: »

he's my dream man basically and far too good for me

Really? He is married. He has 4 children. And is supposedly a Christian.

If you choose to meet him, you should be prepared for major heartache (although you might be doing his wife a favour.)

With all due respect, I think you need to seek (alternative) medical help. You have suffered with depression and in all honesty I can't see meeting this man helping your mental health/self-esteem in the slightest. Have some self respect!

Lunar_Eclipse

ruby-roo wrote: »

This has got to be a windup. No-one could possibly be this naive and stupid.

I thought the same. Hopefully you're right.

ETA: I think we are: naming him ("Nick") took it a little too far.

Macca83_2

The trouble with these sorts of situations is that if the op is genuinely fragile then this man is giving her everything that she needs without any relative complications. She's got someone that will listen to her without judgement, who is always at the end of a skype conversation. Its not messy because she can box off the wife and kids and act like they're not there. There's no fear that she'll ever bump into them. Its a very simplistic form of relationship were she can only see the good. She doesn't have to put up with the farting in bed, the arguments, the wet towels left on the floor.
Maybe better advice would be to help her realise that she doesn't need this emotional crutch.

Toomuchdebt

This thread makes me very grateful that my one hard and fast rule is "no married men"

Lunar_Eclipse

Tropez wrote: »

It was 13 weeks when I was at school - 6 for summer, 2 for Easter, 2 for Christmas and 3 one week half-terms.

So if it's still 13 weeks, based on neverdespairgirl's child's schedule, they must have done away with half-terms?

Private school. They've always had longer holidays.

neverdespairgirl

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Private school. They've always had longer holidays.

I'm not sure - my son's holidays are longer than mine were at a private primary school.