Changing my name - undecided

Thriftygifty

I am finding this thread sooo interesting and it's making me feel so much better! I've been going round in circles about this decision for the last 6 months and finding like minded people have helped and I feel more reassured that keeping my name is the right decision for me personally. Thank you everyone . Also I love the Spanish way .

party_piglet

This is a really interesting thread. I got married 18 months ago and I haven't changed my name. Like some of the other posters both myself and my husband have PhDs so there are additional factors other than not just not wanting to change (worked hard to be DrX, papers, professional reputation in that name etc). However it was also something that I felt very strongly about. I really don't see the need to change a name on marriage at all.

I think this is partly becuase my mum never changed her name when she got married (quite unusual in the '70s). I can tell you for anybody worried about this that we never felt like less of a family because we had a different surname to her. It never really occured to us at all, it just felt normal. In fact my sister when she was little had a very sweet conversation with my dad where she said "Dad, I've just realised we have the same surname!" We had to explain to her that it wasn't an amazing coincidence but deliberately chosen!

Occasionally my husbands relations call me Mrs husbandsname but it doesn't bother me at all. I wouldn't use it myself but it's not a big deal.

Turtle

jakobeighty wrote: »

Now that is a sad story.

But no real suprise that its the older generation who cannot change their inflexible views.

Mojisola wrote: »

As you don't change your name until after the ceremony, I would have "changed my mind" about taking on my husband's family name afterwards.

Yes, it would be awful to be backed into a corner like that and very fair point about the 'changing your mind'. I'm not sure if she ever considered it to just thought it would cause too much trouble, her in laws are a couple of very odd characters.

heartbreak_star

I like to think I'd have told FiL2B where to go! The marriage is the decision of those getting married and nobody else - if he was willing to miss his child's wedding due to a grump then that's his problem.

HBS x

Tenyearstogo

I've been married twice. First marriage I took his name, had a baby, we all had same name. Got divorced and reverted to maiden name, ds kept his surname.

Met second husband, had a baby before we married, baby took his dads surname.

So me = miss X
Husband = mr Y
DS1 = child Z
DS2 = child Y

I didn't change my name when I married DH, it didn't seem important. I don't have the same name as either of my children. It doesn't make them any less loved or part of the family.

I only changed my name first time because it was what was expected and the norm. I changed back when I was divorced as it felt wrong being Mrs Z when I wasn't married to Mr Z.

bonkers007

katieb168 wrote: »

Hello everyone,

I'm hoping you can offer your feelings of changing your name when married.

I am still undecided as I don't think I want to give up my name as I consider a big part of my identity and I am very close to my family and don't want to feel less like a part of them, yet I also want to have the same name as my husband to feel like a married unit, and then if we were to have children we will all share the same name. Husband- to-be seems to be OK with me having a double barrelled name but doesn't want to change his (which is what I originally planned) so I'd still feel like we have different names. I think he'd like me to take his name really but I just don't know how I feel about it.

I know I can use both but this seems a bit tricky to keep on top of and it won't make any difference to me professionally, so think the only dilemma is how I feel about changing my name.

How are you all feeling? What are you doing? I appreciate it's different for everyone but would just be interested to hear your thoughts

i fully agree with you - i dont want to change my surname, its nothing special but its ME! i know a name doesnt make or break you but i like my surname and semi dont want to let go of my family name (dont get me wrong i have a bro that will carry on the name etc but i like my name too!)

my initials will stay the same regardless of keeping my surname or my married name, but my OH is DEAD against it, he thinks it half hearted and if i dont want to take his name is there any point getting married/ sometimes he says he wont marry me unless i take his name - but thats him trying to be jokey...!
i feel thats a bit unfair but semi see his point (and feel like i should take his surname to be a 'complete' family) but i fully understand where your coming from

amanda47

My daughter is getting married in August and is going to have a double barrel name Kate ....... .... and any future children will also have a double barrel name. I'm pleased she'll be keeping her Dad's name. :T

ellay864

I never had any doubt about taking my husband's name as I had been using my former married name! When we split up I kept using that name mainly due to having kids. If I'd been single when I married this time I might have kept my maiden name for work as I have been there more than 20 years and so many people knew me, but it would have just felt so wrong to keep my first married name when I was married to somebody else. Hubby admitted he wouldn't have liked it too much if I had XHs name.
Makes me laugh that XHs new wife has kept her first married name. I do hope it annoys XH lol

Georgiegirl256

Just found this thread and have read it with interest, as it's something I'm currently debating on.

You sign the register with your maiden name, and they were all going on about how it would be "the last time I'd be signing that!" and while I know legally you dont have to take your new husbands name, I thought maybe that unless you'd actually mentioned somewhere that you didn't want to, then that was that, you were now Mrs so and so? So basically, there's nothing set in stone, you sign the register in your maiden name and then you can carry on calling yourself either that or your new name?

I always thought I would want to take my husbands name, but now I'm not so sure? Ive got a few questions....

1, If you keep your maiden name, what title would you use? Miss? Well you're not, you're a Mrs, but would that be weird? Mrs 'maiden name'

2, I've already gone into the bank, Doctors etc and changed my name, what if I change my mind again?

3, what if I renew my passport/driving licence but keep it in my maiden name? Is it as long as the names on the passport and travel documents match up then it's not a problem?

Im seriously thinking about just keeping my maiden name as my husbands surname is being a PITA already...."how do you spell/say that?" Geez, read it carefully, it's really not that hard :rotfl:

heartbreak_star

I think I'd have a copy of my marriage certificate on hand just in case...lol!

And I believe you're a "Ms" if you keep your maiden name.

People keep saying to me "why do you want to get married so bad if you aren't changing your name?"...but it's not all about that is it?

HBS x