Changing my name - undecided

cats2012

Having read through these replies I think age is maybe a factor as well...I'm only 25 so haven't built up a career etc with my name yet, which maybe explains why I'm a lot less attached to it, hadn't really thought of that

Others in my profession have kept maiden names because your name becomes known across the industry so it would be a risk to change it at work.

Yellowstar_2

I was about to start a similar thread! I'm not sure what to do either.

I like my maiden name, and have a good professional reason for keeping it - I'm a lecturer at a university and my professional history is as Miss/Dr MaidenName. If I change my name in my professional life it won't be obvious that I did all that work, wrote all those papers/books, etc.

But I'd like the same name as my husband, he doesn't want to change his name to mine, or for us both to adopt a new name. He doesn't mind if I change my name or not, and a rose by any other name...

However, both husband-to-be and I have PhDs, so if I took his name we'd BOTH be Dr MarriedName. Not to mention that the (usually pretty docile) feminist in me doesn't understand why something as personal as my name should be determined according to my relationship with a man...

I keep going round in circles! I might end up as Mrs MarriedName for all things personal/legal, and Dr MaidenName for work. But that would mean me dropping my professional title but my husband still keeping his, which doesn't seem quite right, either.

I wasn't joking about the circles!

Yellowstar x

notanewuser

cats2012 wrote: »

Having read through these replies I think age is maybe a factor as well...I'm only 25 so haven't built up a career etc with my name yet, which maybe explains why I'm a lot less attached to it, hadn't really thought of that

Others in my profession have kept maiden names because your name becomes known across the industry so it would be a risk to change it at work.

I was 26 when I married.

notanewuser

Yellowstar wrote: »

I was about to start a similar thread! I'm not sure what to do either.

I like my maiden name, and have a good professional reason for keeping it - I'm a lecturer at a university and my professional history is as Miss/Dr MaidenName. If I change my name in my professional life it won't be obvious that I did all that work, wrote all those papers/books, etc.

But I'd like the same name as my husband, he doesn't want to change his name to mine, or for us both to adopt a new name. He doesn't mind if I change my name or not, and a rose by any other name...

However, both husband-to-be and I have PhDs, so if I took his name we'd BOTH be Dr MarriedName. Not to mention that the (usually pretty docile) feminist in me doesn't understand why something as personal as my name should be determined according to my relationship with a man...

I keep going round in circles! I might end up as Mrs MarriedName for all things personal/legal, and Dr MaidenName for work. But that would mean me dropping my professional title but my husband still keeping his, which doesn't seem quite right, either.

I wasn't joking about the circles!

Yellowstar x

You don't actually have to use Mrs at all - I don't. Again, why should women be categorised by their marital status when men aren't?

Sundaysgirl

notanewuser wrote: »

By that logic it would be even more "proper" for both of you to change your names to something else. Something tells me that isn't something your OH would even consider though.

*I* wouldn't consider it, seems odd to both change to something different and that doesn't solve the main issue - which is the loss of my maiden name. Perhaps an option if his surname was hideous, but it's not! To be fair, tradition dictates that you take your husband's surname, and we're both quite traditional. I wouldn't want him to change his name, and my surname wouldn't work for him. I should also point out that the issue re identity for professional reasons applies equally to him!

Yellowstar_2

notanewuser wrote: »

You don't actually have to use Mrs at all - I don't. Again, why should women be categorised by their marital status when men aren't?

I quite agree!

But in my case using my correct title and taking his name would actually make my name the same as his: Dr MarriedName. Which might not be a day-to-day issue but I imagine I might regret that decision everytime I needed to speak to someone at (to give one example) the bank!

I might just keep my name, and we'll figure out our kids' names if and when we have any!

Yellowstar x

thriftylass

Yellowstar wrote: »

I quite agree!

But in my case using my correct title and taking his name would actually make my name the same as his: Dr MarriedName. Which might not be a day-to-day issue but I imagine I might regret that decision everytime I needed to speak to someone at (to give one example) the bank!

I might just keep my name, and we'll figure out our kids' names if and when we have any!

Yellowstar x

I've got a Dr to but don't use it anymore as I don't work as a post-doc now after a child. But if I would I'd keep my name as a PhD can't be transferred to your new name, would probably have a professional and private name.

notanewuser

Sundaysgirl wrote: »

*I* wouldn't consider it, seems odd to both change to something different and that doesn't solve the main issue - which is the loss of my maiden name. Perhaps an option if his surname was hideous, but it's not! To be fair, tradition dictates that you take your husband's surname, and we're both quite traditional. I wouldn't want him to change his name, and my surname wouldn't work for him. I should also point out that the issue re identity for professional reasons applies equally to him!

That's because traditionally women were owned by their fathers and then by their husbands. We also traditionally had slaves, didn't recognise marital rape and died during childbirth.

heartbreak_star

I adore my surname. OH knows I won't change it if we marry - my independence and strong sense of identity is part of why he loves me. We don't intend having children.

HBS x

minerva_windsong

For years I was going to keep my maiden name as I was the last one in my family with the name, but then my dad's only brother had a son so it'll keep going for a few years yet. If I'd had a more common surname though I don't know if I would have wanted to keep it as part of the reason I wanted to hold on to it was because it's quite rare, whereas if it was something like Smith or Jones I'd probably have been less bothered.

That said though I am probably going to change it, at least for my personal life - I'm debating keeping it for work but I think whether I do will depend on how much of a 'proper' career I've established by the time we get married. Plus OH has a fairly common surname so I'm quite looking forward to not spending my life spelling my name!