Changing my name - undecided

Lovelyjoolz

I wouldn't change my name for anyone. I think it's a ridiculously outdated and discriminatory practice and totally unnecessary for modern life. Legally, we only ever have one name which is the one on your birth certificate. Any other name is a psuedonym and if every woman changes her name when she marries then 51% of the population must be living under a psuedonym. How daft is that? Such a silly affectation!

I've been Ms Maidenname since I left school and realised how silly it was for a grown woman (of 18 at that point!) to be known as "Miss". I was no longer a child and disliked being addressed as one. And so I shall remain forever as Ms Maidenname and very happily too, thank you very much

In the case of Doctorates - I don't know how you could consider dropping it. You worked so hard for that PhD - you should be so proud of it and of yourself! When I lived in the US the couples I knew where they both had Doctorates retained their individual names in all aspects of formal and legal life. They couldn't bear to part with the Dr courtesy!

Lovelyjoolz

I admire your honesty jakobeighty, it's a very British (and American) thing to change a name on marriage. So many other countries don't do it and they find it weird that so many in the UK do.

Spain and all the spanish speaking countries (what's the % of world population in Spanish speaking countries? I forget, but its a big population) don't do it. The Chinese don't do it. The Russians don't do it. That's a HUGE percentage of the world that doesn't think it's necessary to change a name after marriage. So why is it such a big deal over here? Why do people agonise over it? It's madness!

I understand when it comes to children that the mother wants a link to her child's name, but why do women choose to throw away any connection to their family?? No wonder people find it so blooming hard to trace their family tree!! In Spain, this is how they do it:
John Lopez Mano marries Maria Ortiz Silva: Their child is called Shelia Mano Silva. This is actually the LAW in Spain. Not optional.
Shelia Mano Silva grows up and marries Adam Smith Seize: their child is called Melissa Seize Silva.

I think this is lovely - the child has a strong link in their name to both their Maternal and Paternal family. The parents retain their familial links and share a name with their child. There's a constant trail of family history. Just lovely.

heartbreak_star

jakobeighty wrote: »

I'm embarrased to say that a tiny part of me want to carry on the "tradition" of the last however many hundreds of years of the mans name taking priority, especially when I think that in theory, when you go back in time, all the names are the "mans name", simply becuase its the woman who always gives up her name, and that name was only hers becuase her mother took that name from her father......then I snap out of it and remember that it is the 21 century, and I am a strong believer in female equality and feminism - and I get even more confused!

Not mine - my parents double-barrelled their names to give me mine so I'm doubly protective of it ha ha! :rotfl:

HBS x

trinity_enigma

I don't really have any attachment to my name if I'm honest and am looking forward to being a family unit with my husband.

I can't believe how judgemental this thread has gotten though. Your name is a very personal choice and people should do whatever it is they feel strongest about. Being a feminist is not about keeping your name it's about having the choice to do what you want.

And whoever said about taking your husbands name being archaic and meaning he owned you- does that not mean that keeping your original name mean that your father owns you? Surely you should pick yourself a new name if that is the case?

heartbreak_star

Pretty much what happened to me - Dad was Mr X, Mum was Mrs Y, I'm Miss X-Y

HBS x

notanewuser

trinity_enigma wrote: »

I can't believe how judgemental this thread has gotten though. Your name is a very personal choice and people should do whatever it is they feel strongest about. Being a feminist is not about keeping your name it's about having the choice to do what you want.

I completely agree. But there are many posts on this thread (and others) where the bride feels she has no choice, that H2B "won't allow it" or won't consider any options.

trinity_enigma wrote: »

And whoever said about taking your husbands name being archaic and meaning he owned you- does that not mean that keeping your original name mean that your father owns you? Surely you should pick yourself a new name if that is the case?l

In my view, I am OF my father. Nothing will ever change that, and I'm happy to show a familial link to him. On the other hand I am not OF my husband, and our marriage is a union of 2 individuals, out names being part of our personal and professional identities. I did discuss the concept of a new shared name, but neither of us was keen as it removed part of that identity for each of us.

I wouldn't have asked my husband to change his name , not would he ever have dreamed to ask me.

Birdie85

This is something I agonised over before I got married. Even a few days afterwards I still hadn't made my mind up as I loved my maiden name and would have preferred to always be associated with my family rather than my DH's family. In the end I realised that it was more important *to me* to be a unit with my DH and our future children so I went with it and changed my name (albeit begrudgingly to begin with).

I've now been married for over 2 years and learned after all that agonising that it's just a name! It really doesn't make that much difference once the annoying admin has been done and you get used to saying the right name when people ask. I've grown to get used to my name (and quite like it now) and when I see my maiden name on something that I've forgotten to update I get a bit confused as it doesn't sound right.

Make the choice that suits you best.

Lovelyjoolz

trinity_enigma wrote: »

I can't believe how judgemental this thread has gotten though. Your name is a very personal choice and people should do whatever it is they feel strongest about. Being a feminist is not about keeping your name it's about having the choice to do what you want.

I think that if you feel this thread is judgemental you're being too sensitive. I'm not judging anybody. At no point have I or anyone else said "You're an idiot for changing your name" or anything like it. People can do what they like with their name. I'm just explaining why I wouldn't change my name and the reasons behind it. I'm giving my opinion, to which I am entitled. I'm also giving a few examples of different ways of doing things because the OP was asking for them.

Lovelyjoolz

jakobeighty wrote: »

Now that is Genuis. In the UK we're just stuck with the weight of history and expectation...

Agreed. I think it's more lovely to unite two families in a name than to discard one completely and cause modern brides (and grooms!) agonies over it!

Expectation is a b***h hmm? But then, if we all only did what we were expected to do, we would all be a bit dull wouldn't we?

notanewuser

Lovelyjoolz wrote: »

I admire your honesty jakobeighty, it's a very British (and American) thing to change a name on marriage. So many other countries don't do it and they find it weird that so many in the UK do.

Spain and all the spanish speaking countries (what's the % of world population in Spanish speaking countries? I forget, but its a big population) don't do it. The Chinese don't do it. The Russians don't do it. That's a HUGE percentage of the world that doesn't think it's necessary to change a name after marriage. So why is it such a big deal over here? Why do people agonise over it? It's madness!

I understand when it comes to children that the mother wants a link to her child's name, but why do women choose to throw away any connection to their family?? No wonder people find it so blooming hard to trace their family tree!! In Spain, this is how they do it:
John Lopez Mano marries Maria Ortiz Silva: Their child is called Shelia Mano Silva. This is actually the LAW in Spain. Not optional.
Shelia Mano Silva grows up and marries Adam Smith Seize: their child is called Melissa Seize Silva.

I think this is lovely - the child has a strong link in their name to both their Maternal and Paternal family. The parents retain their familial links and share a name with their child. There's a constant trail of family history. Just lovely.

That's what we've done with our daughter's name.