Changing my name - undecided

katieb168

Hello everyone,

I'm hoping you can offer your feelings of changing your name when married.

I am still undecided as I don't think I want to give up my name as I consider a big part of my identity and I am very close to my family and don't want to feel less like a part of them, yet I also want to have the same name as my husband to feel like a married unit, and then if we were to have children we will all share the same name. Husband- to-be seems to be OK with me having a double barrelled name but doesn't want to change his (which is what I originally planned) so I'd still feel like we have different names. I think he'd like me to take his name really but I just don't know how I feel about it.

I know I can use both but this seems a bit tricky to keep on top of and it won't make any difference to me professionally, so think the only dilemma is how I feel about changing my name.

How are you all feeling? What are you doing? I appreciate it's different for everyone but would just be interested to hear your thoughts

LEJC

I took my husbands name...

You could consider a joint identity...when my mum remarried she took the new name but for some reason decided to keep all her finances and everything in her previous name...so was known as mrs x when she introdued herself, but when it came to paying bills or bank accounts she prefered to be known as her pervious married name!...although obviously because of her age...she never had any further children so did not face the dilema of what surname thay should have!

i cant remember the technical term for it but the other day I saw something about couples who mash together their names to create a brand new one...eg mr putton married miss elfin and they became mr & mrs puffin...or something like that....

katieb168

Hi LEJC,

When you took your husband's name was it an easy decision? I am genuinely curious as I think I'll probably take my partner's name but just feel a bit odd about what I see as 'giving up' my name. Maybe it's just me? Plus if I do take his name I'll have exactly the same name as his cousin! Even the same middle name!

I read that too, about combining the names, but when I put it to him he looked at me like I was mad! He doesn't want to change his name at all but has said he doesn't mind what I do. I was hoping for both of us to double barrel so that it's like us joining together but he won't budge.

LEJC

IT was for me an easy decision because of the way I viewed it...having said that when I took my husbands name that was the end of the family line for my maiden name...but I knew that whilst I would be Mrs Wife...in my heart I would always be Miss Maiden name....

The strange thing for me that im going to have to come to terms with in a few years time is the fact that I will have had my married surname longer than my maiden one!...and thats a scary thought too!!!

One of the things I have come across is friends who have named their children with an additional christian name...ie miss riley married mr jones and their child was called Jake riley Jones...but again it doesnt work for those with non christian name sounding surnames.

cats2012

Hi.

I got married just over 3 weeks ago and have taken Mr B's name. It was never in doubt for me - I had a pretty rubbish surname before though which maybe helped - but somehow I just always knew it was what I would do regardless. To me it was literally part of getting married - I became Mrs B and we set up our own new B family

I do know what you mean in a sense though...I don't like feeling like I've joined his family and left my own, but I think of it more as we're setting up our own family. He has sisters (as do I) so in the long run is won't just be X family and Y family anyway as I know all of them will change their names.

PS: I also think it's a very male thing to want to keep their name, so I know Mr B wouldn't have done it and would have been disappointed if I didn't want to change. But as I say my decision was made regardless.

Dunroamin

I kept my own name for work and (sometimes) used my married name at home. It isn't complicated if you remember which name you've booked the restaurant table for.

Faith177

I will be changing over slowly to OH's name even though I hate his surname. My new surname will be spelt the same as the last part of my first name it really doesn't go

I see it as away of starting our family with each other and I don't think I would feel any less part of my family by changing. Just wish I then didn't have to have the same surname as my MIL *urgh!* But hey ho beggars can't be choosers lol

Buzby

My wife was happy to take mine, although I didn't care either way.

It would become an issue if children came along as your wish for identity would be lost on them, unless giving them the father's surname on the birth certificate.

Cuilean

There was never any doubt in my mind that I'd take my fiance's surname, even as a child. I don't get on with my family, and have done my best to ensure they have no way to get their claws into the life I've built up without their help. Having said that, as the big day gets closer, I am starting to get a bit sentimental about my surname. It's my name, I've had it for over 30 years. It was one of the first things I learned to write, and when I get married, that's the end of that branch of the family tree as my siblings were all female and have all married and taken their husbands' names.

LEJC wrote: »

i cant remember the technical term for it but the other day I saw something about couples who mash together their names to create a brand new one...eg mr putton married miss elfin and they became mr & mrs puffin...or something like that....

I saw that too, I quite liked that idea. However, I love researching my family tree, and I can't help but think messing with surnames would make it difficult for my future ancestors. Plus, having tried out a few combinations, meshing my surname with my man's would produce really daft sounding results, including the chance to name ourselves after a popular brand of breath freshener :rotfl:

notanewuser

Never any doubt for me that I wouldn't keep my name. 10 years later nothing has happened to make me change my mind. DD has both of our surnames, so she's linked to both of us, but it wouldn't really have bothered me to just give her DH's surname.

Get everybody to call your OH by a different surname for a while, and then see how he feels about it!!

thriftylass

Hello,

we had our (so far first) child before we got engaged. I'm also the last one in our family with my family name so we gave our son my fiance's family name as a family name and my family name as a middle name although it's not really suitable as such (will just be an initial anyway, can't have two family names due to German name law and me being German, him being dual). But that way sth of my family lives on and I feel happier to take my future husbands name which I happily will do as I want us to be a unit not the odd one out with a different name. But i might keep it for work (not sure how that works though, if anyone does?) as a PhD is attached to it